An Ode to This American Woman

Zarna Garga's This American Woman Book Cover

As someone living in India, I enjoy hearing the stories of the Indian-American diaspora. In many ways, we are alike, yet also very different. While India itself holds a wide diversity of thoughts, the experiences of Indian-origin people abroad offer something unique – they make you see your own country from a fresh perspective. Zarna Garg’s This American Woman was one such story that offered me a deep dive into that view.

I have to admit, at first, I was put off by Zarna’s description of India in the few Instagram reels I came across. My patriotism made me defensive. But over time, she grew on me, and I realized that everyone sees a country through their own lens. As an ex-NRI myself, my perspective on India is very different from Zarna’s and her family’s. They see the USA as the best, while I believe India is the best – and that’s okay. Different views deserve respect. It was this curiosity about Zarna’s unique journey that ultimately led me to buy her book.

I loved this book. It made me both laugh and cry. Zarna’s life reads like a movie. Born in Mumbai, she ran away to the US as a teenager after her father tried to force her into an arranged marriage following her mother’s death. From there, she stayed with her sister and slowly built her life in America. Her journey has been tough, leaving her with mental blocks about returning to India. Yet she tells it all with such lightness, as if life itself is a comedy not meant to be taken too seriously.

Pain is my destiny and my company and my affinity. Embracing pain and not wasting time wondering “Why me?” will put you on the fast track to success.

What truly brought me to tears was the chapter her daughter dedicated to her. Even now, writing about it makes my eyes well up (though, to be fair, it might also be that time of the month – we women never really know what’s behind the tears). It’s a chapter worth reading. Everyone faces moments of self-doubt, especially women who’ve had to set aside their careers for family. But when that same family becomes your greatest support system, it’s a blessing. Zarna has that blessing in Zoya.

“For many parents, their children’s careers are their greatest accomplishment, but for me my mom’s is mine” – Zoya

The final part with Zarna’s brother was truly heart-warming. The speech she delivers on stage is pure heart.

I would strongly recommend reading This American Woman. It’s inspirational, funny, and heartwarming, capturing life in its own uniquely Indian-American way.

An Ode to Zarna Garg & Family

I recently started watching Zarna Garg’s stand-up videos. Until then, I had only seen snippets of her interviews on Instagram reels. At that time, I assumed she was yet another comic who makes a living by criticizing India, as many Indian comedians do. Negative takes on India tend to get more attention, and I, honestly, had grown a bit tired of that negativity. So I stayed away from watching Zarna’s videos for the longest time.

Eventually, I decided to watch her special Practical People Win on JioHotstar (originally on Hulu). That special led me to the Zarna Garg Family podcast on YouTube, where I found Zarna, her husband, Shalabh, and their three children having honest, open conversations. Something every Indian family could learn from.

In my opinion, it’s a brilliant marketing tactic on her part to build that curiosity around her family in her specials. She says, “My son… so handsome,” “My daughter… so nerdy,” so you naturally want to know more about this family, what they look like, and witness their quirks in real life. This is the intention of the podcast – to get you more involved in the Garg family brand.

People like me crave a more personal connection with celebrities, influencers, and comedians. I want to hear their real thoughts, personal likes and dislikes, without sugarcoating or political correctness. The Garg family brings exactly that authenticity, which keeps you hooked. Bollywood, on the other hand, lacks this today. Most interviews feel overly scripted, with celebrities giving dull, promotional takes right before a movie release.

Zarna calls herself the quintessential “Indian aunty.” As someone in my 40s, I relate to many of her traditional views. Opinions that I did not hold in my 20s. Her daughter Zoya, on the other hand, reminds me of my younger self: idealistic and confident that hard work and determination can achieve anything. But life eventually teaches you that not everything goes your way. However, this is a lesson only experience teaches you. It cannot be taught by others.

I would like to take this chance to point out how much I admire Zoya. She is articulate and strikingly pretty, with the most gorgeous eyes, even though the Garg family often jokes about the eldest son being the most attractive. Zoya is never dismissive or disrespectful to her parents, even when they go against her views. I find this refreshing, especially today when many youngsters tend to be more casual, even rude, with their parents. As an old-school millennial who values parental respect, this stands out to me.

The podcast drew me into Zarna’s world. I ended up binge-watching episodes where the family openly discusses topics like dating, marriage, interracial relationships, and finances. All of them, including the children, are articulate and express themselves clearly and thoughtfully. As someone unmarried and child-free, I couldn’t help but compare their conversations to those my cousins and siblings have with their children. One of my nieces is dating a white man (and she has a history of dating only white men), so Zarna and her husband’s confusion and concerns felt very relatable. The podcast not only helps you reflect on your own feelings but also offers a fresh perspective from the younger generation. This is something new-gen parents can highly benefit from.

What endears me most to Zarna is her unapologetic Indianness. Many Indians abroad change their attire, avoid Indian clothes or bindis, culture, and even end up cooking less traditional food so that the masala smell doesn’t linger on their clothes. They have to compromise on their Indianness, just to blend in, be accepted, and respected. Despite these compromises, racism still continues. So, how much of this “blending in” has proven effective?

I’m of the belief that to enjoy Indian culture fully and unabashedly, one needs to stay back in India. Other countries, unfamiliar with the Indian, especially Hindu, way of life, may not be as accepting or comfortable with it. Living abroad often means diluting many aspects of your culture just to make others feel at ease. Zarna, however, proudly wears her Indian identity on her sleeve. She wears Indian outfits and a bindi on stage, despite admitting she constantly faces racist remarks in the USA over it. Her refusal to shed her identity to fit in is admirable. It takes courage and conviction to stay true to oneself in a foreign land, and Zarna has that in abundance. As racism against Indians has reached new heights globally, Zarna’s pride in her identity is truly inspiring. She shows that we should not cower before hate but instead embrace and celebrate our culture and traditions without fear.

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Picture Source: Instagram/ZarnaGarg

Interracial Romance and the Indian Mindset

I recently watched a thoughtful discussion by Zarna Garg on interracial romance, featuring her own family. Based in the US, their candid conversation offers a refreshing glimpse into how Indian-American families are navigating such topics. It was heartening to see everyone, parents and kids, engage so openly. In many Indian households, these conversations either happen too late or not at all, often wrapped in hesitation or silence. But here was a family talking honestly about dating, identity, and interracial relationships. A big shoutout to them for their openness and clarity. It’s these dialogues that make a real difference.

Watch the video below:

Thoughts

I’ve spent most of my life abroad before choosing to return to India. Yet even while living overseas, I always knew my relationships would be with Indian men. Perhaps it’s because I studied in an Indian school and mostly socialized within the Indian community, even outside the country. I look Indian, dress Indian, and speak with an Indian accent. So it was natural to feel more comfortable with Indian men.

However, in today’s globalized world, with increasing interracial mingling, millennials like me must come to terms with the fact that more non-Indians are likely to become part of our families. Someone recently remarked how the world is blending in such a way that you can no longer easily tell someone’s ethnicity. Even appearances are getting “globalized.” It was an eye-opener. I’ve come to realize this holds especially true in the Indian context. Today’s new-generation kids often no longer look or sound traditionally Indian, especially the kids in Indian metros. Their accents, fashion, and even body language reflect a more global identity.

A few months ago, a relative married a Spanish man, the first white partner in our family. Surprisingly, everyone, including the older generation, was welcoming. No drama. No resistance. That in itself feels like progress. Our extended family no longer fusses over caste or religion in love marriages. Marrying someone from a “lower caste” has become normal (though I personally reject terms like “lower” and “upper” caste, which are inherently divisive). Only a few super-senior relatives seem to hold on to rigid views, but even that seems to be fading.

I wonder if this shift is due to the older generation’s growing access to YouTube and social media. Many now watch global discussions on love, identity, and acceptance. One moment really stood out: a senior aunt watched Kaathal, a Malayalam film about same-sex love, and casually remarked, “Being gay or lesbian is fine. It’s not a disease.” That kind of acceptance would’ve been unthinkable even a decade ago. But it’s happening now, and that matters.

More recently, one of my nieces fell in love with a white guy. It’s a bit more delicate because it hits closer to home. While I’m happy she found someone, I can’t help but feel a bit anxious. Our cultures are worlds apart, and it’s not just the couple that has to adjust, but the families too. At this age, do I or her parents have the patience? I’m unsure. On second thought, it doesn’t concern me or her family, as the relationship is hers to navigate. Still, as Zarna Garg wisely said in her family discussion, any relationship can thrive if the core values align: education, family, career, loyalty, and health. Everything else is secondary and can be worked around.

One comment from Zarna’s husband lingered with me. He mentioned that their eldest daughter has only dated white men, and he took it personally. He had read somewhere that girls whose fathers aren’t ideal husbands are more likely to do this. That struck a chord. My niece also has a pattern of dating white men, and to be honest, her father isn’t exactly the perfect partner either. Could there be a subconscious link? I wouldn’t dare bring it up now, especially since she lives abroad, but maybe someday in person.

There’s so much our generation is still figuring out. As millennials in our 40s, we stand between tradition and transition. We want to be open-minded and inclusive, but also grounded. At times, it worries us to see the younger generation drifting away from tradition. There’s a quiet fear: will our culture someday fade into oblivion? But these are changing times, and change demands a degree of acceptance. We may not always agree, but we must learn to adapt. I also see a growing trend among young parents today: trying too hard to be politically correct, often avoiding difficult conversations just to stay in their children’s good books. This might be a measure to ensure they don’t repeat their parents’ mistakes of being too restrictive. But experience teaches us that hard truths, spoken with love, are just as necessary today as it was yesterday.

Some of the advice I dismissed in my 20s now makes perfect sense. You only begin to understand your parents once you reach their age. That’s how life unfolds. You gain clarity with time. Until then, all we can do is trust, adapt, and hope it all works out in the end.

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Photo by Bhavitya Indora