An Ode to Dopamine Detoxes

I’m at that stage now where I can discern the reason behind my restlessness. The symptoms that previously used to confound me can finally be attributed to a source and countered with practical solutions. I say this with pride because discovering the cause of any turmoil is always the first step to recovery.

The reason for my dopamine going out of whack and my feeling a flurry of erratic emotion? Social media.

I have a love-hate relationship with social media. Because of social media, I found my voice. Because of social media, my introverted self learned to be a tad more expressive. I could post online, and there would always be someone to listen to my endless thoughts, view my never-ending selfies, and validate my existence. As much as I enjoy the platforms, I often find myself getting lost in engaging with the myriad of interesting content while also feeling bad about someone close not liking my photos or reels or videos, wondering if everyone had a life far superior to mine, wanting to go on the same expensive trips that others do even if it’s not what I want. Social media can be draining. It takes away your mental resources and leaves you with very little to deal with the everyday complexities of life.

When you feel like a puppet in a system with no say over your actions, you know it’s time to take back control. It’s time for a dopamine detox. I turn off my notifications, log out from social media, and take a break from doomscrolling. What I get in return is an incredible sense of relief and calm.

My dopamine detoxes help me connect with myself, reflect and refocus my energy. I enjoy the stillness and the ability to engage with my work, family, and thoughts without being bombarded with external distractions.

I find such dopamine detoxes more valuable at work. When you’re neck-deep immersed in tasks, the last thing you need is a distracting WhatsApp chat demanding your attention. Turning the wi-fi off helps me in cutting down on unwanted noise. To combat my Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), I remind myself that I’m just a phone call away from those who need me. Sometimes, when I need 100% me-time, I enable the flight mode on my phone. It has been a life-changer.

Enough people don’t realize what staying connected 24×7 does to your brain. If they did, everyone, including myself, would have attempted to disconnect more regularly. I know what social media does to me, and I try to step away, but it’s not long before I turn delusional again and turn a blind eye to the side effects. I relapse and restart doomscrolling.

The irony is that I have to experience the dreaded symptoms again for my brain to knock some sense into my dopamine-hungry system. The symptoms being — feeling angry about nothing, annoyed over everything, and mentally and physically empty. These symptoms are my wake-up calls to step back. The moment I do, I feel refreshed. It always astonishes me how forgiving our bodies tend to be. They are quick to spring back to life if you give them a chance. A few hours of downtime is often all it takes.

I wonder how many people must have mistaken mental overstimulation for depression and continued using social media without understanding its negative impact on them. Overstimulation is not depression, but it may lead to depression. Prolonged use of social media can result in your body crying SOS in the form of a nervous breakdown, loneliness, and anxiety. If you feel irritated when your internet is down, even though you have nothing important to finish online, you are addicted – no second thoughts about it.

Correlation between social media and depression (courtesy: system.com)

If you are interested in the studies shown in the above image, here are the links:

We can see the symptoms but somehow fail to attribute them to social media. Even if we understand the negatives, it doesn’t stop most of us from endlessly scrolling through our feeds. It might be similar to how drug addicts feel. They know the side effects of the drugs they consume and how it physically and mentally affects them, but it doesn’t stop consumption.

I was at that stage again recently, ignoring the fact that it’s time for a digital detox, when I stumbled upon the book Dopamine Detox by Thibaut Meurisse on Prime Reading. The book is available for free if you are an Amazon Prime user in India. After exhausting my monthly budget for books, I decided to give it a go. It’s a quick read. It takes about 30 minutes or less to finish but is jam-packed with information.

The book helped as a reality check. Somehow I had conveniently forgotten what social media could do to my mental health and had started overusing it. I even attributed my increased irritability and lack of energy to sleep deprivation, vitamin deficiency, or lack of exercise. I fixed all these issues but turned a blind eye to my social media usage. Eventually, from a state of surrender, I accepted that disconnecting from social media was the best way to resolve my problem. So, dear readers, if everything fails to lift up your mood, try logging out from your social media accounts.

I have cut down my usage, but I have no idea when things will go down south again. For now, I enjoy being wide awake, in the present, and the temporary freedom from negativity. I have set up social media time restrictions on my phone to prevent doomscrolling, but how long before I disable them and return to my old ways? Only time can tell.

An Ode to 9 Thought-Provoking Life Quotes from Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha

I recently finished Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha. The book takes you through the life of the fictional protagonist, Siddhartha, who comes from an affluent family. He is restless and dissatisfied with life and feels the need to search for enlightenment and spiritual fulfillment. He eventually finds it on his own, though the path he took to attain enlightenment is rocky and full of challenges. This story is entirely fictional and not be confused with Gautama Buddha’s story.

Personally, I found the book a bit difficult to read as the topics discussed were quite deep and complex. The language was wordy, and it interfered with my focus somewhat. However, I still found many meaningful and beautiful quotes throughout the novel. Quotes that make you think, quotes that beautifully capture the very essence of life.

Here are some of the best:

Wisdom cannot be imparted. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart always sounds like foolishness to someone else. Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. One can find it, live it, be fortified by it, do wonders through it, but one cannot communicate and teach it.

I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.

The world is not imperfect or slowly evolving along a path to perfection. No, it is perfect at every moment; every sin already carries grace in it.

The river is everywhere at the same time, at the source and at the mouth, at the waterfall, at the ferry, at the current, in the ocean and in the mountains, everywhere, and that the present only exists for it, not the shadow of the past nor the shadow of the future.

The only way to live is to accept each minute as an unrepeatable miracle.

Wherever you are, when you can sense something of the eternal in yourself and in the world, you are close to the source of all being and all knowing.

When someone is seeking, it happens quite easily that he only sees the thing that he is seeking; that he is unable to find anything, unable to absorb anything, because he is only thinking of the thing he is seeking, because he has a goal, because he is obsessed with his goal.

Everyone can perform magic, everyone can reach his goals, if he is able to think, wait, and fast.

The opposite of every truth is just as true! Any truth can only be expressed and put into words when it is one-sided. Everything is one-sided which can be thought with thoughts and said with words. It is all one-sided, all just one half, all lacks completeness, roundness, oneness.

An Ode to Being Unmarried and Childless

Yellow flower — Photo by Miguel u00c1. Padriu00f1u00e1n

I am in my late 30s, unmarried, and might never have a child.

My biological clock is past its prime, which means that if I ever get married, it might be too late to conceive naturally. Right now, I am in a complicated relationship that I am okay with since my ultimate goal is, anyway, not marriage. I had been tempted a few times to get married to partners in the past, but it never materialized. In a way, I am thankful that the mother universe did not grant me those wishes. If she did, I would have landed in some serious trouble. I wasn’t right for them, and they weren’t for me either. It was a two-way street of disappointment and incompatibility that new love often tends to cover up and sideline.

When love is new and all-things-dreamy, it overrides potential issues. Everything seems solvable, including toxicity. Over time, when you are “used” to this feeling of love, you start paying attention to the issues you had conveniently ignored the first time around. This is where the real test begins – when the honeymoon phase ends. For some, the dreaminess and butterflies linger on for life. For others, the relationship becomes a compromise. Some others, like myself, realize it is best to move on. I often wonder what my life would have been if I had succumbed to marriage in my honeymoon phase, only to realize later that we are incompatible. So, yes, I am thankful things did not work out the way I desperately wanted at that point in time.

Talking about universal manifestations reminds me of this profound poetry from Blythe Baird’s If My Body Could Speak. I found it very relatable.

Poem on theories of the universe by Blythe Baird — Theories About The Universe – Blythe Baird

So here I am in a world that is the polar opposite of my peers, taking it one day at a time, living on my own terms, dealing with my own demons, and at peace with my courteous angels. Frankly, you tend to become less flexible and stuck to your patterns at this age. Probably, this is why they tell you to marry early – so you can adjust to differences better.

Presently, I find it unbearable to let go of this freedom of choice and, mainly, the freedom from compromises of any kind. I don’t have to entertain people I don’t like just because they are my partner’s family. I don’t have to sweet-talk anyone because they are my child’s BFF’s parents. It’s the kind of freedom I have become attached to. It is, without a doubt, I am where I am for purely selfish (or self-love; there are many ways of looking at this) reasons and not for the “world” and “climate control” as is the norm nowadays. I believe you should only have children because you want to experience what it is like to raise a child. Not because you think you might end up lonely and definitely not because it’s what society demands.

When someone tells me I should get married and have children, I ask them why. Most often, the answer would be immediate, “So you don’t end up alone when you are old.” This answer is quite tricky. All around, I see partners who are “not there” entirely, caught up in their own busy worlds. I see senior citizens living alone, their children comfortably settled abroad or outside their native place. Marriage becomes a gamble when you get into it expecting “help.” You may or may not receive what you seek. The help we get from our children might mostly be financial. Then again, the senior citizens I see are well-off and are not entirely dependent on their children. I often wonder why we have to burden our kids with our expectations. Is that why we give birth to new beings – so that they can fulfill our demands? I consider myself selfish for not wanting to give up my freedom. But isn’t it equally selfish to burden someone with our expectations?

Returning to the question of “Who will take care of you?” It is a concern, yes. But what is the guarantee that a partner or child will provide us with the best care?

As a single woman who would probably prefer to be single all her life, I can’t help think about my future time-to-time. What would I do when I turn old? Right now, my mind is leaning towards a high-quality assisted living facility. This information is not to evoke pity or compassion but to keep an open mind about the practicality of it all. Such high-end centers are extremely senior-citizen-friendly – they have a doctor-on-call, in-house chefs that cater to your dietary restrictions, people who help you with grocery and chores, wheelchair-friendly living quarters, and much more. The paid caregivers would be more interested in helping you than anyone near you. In an assisted living environment, people are trained to deal with elderly issues. Since it’s a job, they will try to give it their best. Moreover, you are surrounded by people your age, and they would be more interested in talking to you than someone younger.

Of course, you need to forego some luxuries in real-time to afford this. I am in half a mind to buy a new property (to show everyone I can). But the sensible half wants to hold that thought so I could pool the money into my “assisted living fund.”

Why can’t I stay with my family, you ask? Though our loved ones adore us, no one can be at our beck and call 24×7 without losing their sanity. Over time, my family might understandably grow bitter (even if they love me) due to exhaustion, frustration, and lack of freedom that comes with taking care of my needs, which could be both mental and physical. Such pressure can ultimately ruin a perfectly healthy relationship.

That’s how I look at it – I rather someone take care of me mindfully than grudgingly out of a false sense of obligation.

An Ode to Supportive Strangers

As a kid, you’re told not to talk to strangers. But with experience, I have come to the realization that talking to strangers is not such a bad thing after all. In fact, I would say, out with the old “don’t talk to strangers” and in with the new “reach out to more strangers.”

It all started with my first blog. I received the most support from strangers.

Then came my business (now defunct). Again, I received incredible support from strangers.

At each phase of my life, I was indebted to the fact that strangers have always been more kind to me than the ones I personally know. With some observation, I realized this is the story for a lot of people. Strangers often tend to support more.

Is this because strangers are more kind? Or because more strangers than friends/relatives are on the lookout for what you have to offer? Maybe distance makes the heart go fonder, and up-close we are full of blunder? Or perhaps, it’s because strangers know how it is to feel unseen, to be treated like a stranger.

The world is vast, and people are boundless with distinct personalities and mental models. If our content does not cater to the needs of a small group of friends/relatives, instead of sticking to the archaic scripture of not talking to strangers, we should, maybe just maybe, reach out to more. The ones who would eventually become your tribe. The ones who understand your thought process and techniques.

I often feel intensely grateful to the strangers who have taken the time out to support me, often juxtaposed with an uncomfortable question, “Why are the people I know less supportive?”

Some of these kind strangers have moved on, but in that short span of time, they have offered me more love and encouragement than any person I know. I am armed with the knowledge that strangers can be beautiful, and probably this is why I am more open to newcomers joining any close-knit community that I am in, whereas others appear to be wary or hostile.

I am convinced that this is why the universe sends us strangers—to play an important but short role in our life. So we don’t lose hope in our core beliefs, the ones we would love to passionately share with the world.