I have been working the same job, staying at the same place, with the same people around me for ages – an anomaly in this fast-paced world where people are constantly on the move. Yet, I feel at ease, holding no grudges, feeling no pain or regret.
Most people around me are competitive, having quantifiable goals. Everyone seems to be in a rush, in a hurry to move continents and prove their value to the world. Occasionally, I feel insecure looking at them. Not because I want what they have but because I am expected to dream the same dreams. It would have made life easier to conform to the unwritten rules set by society. There would be less friction. If you get joy from a lifestyle that, per society, shouldn’t bring you joy, you start questioning your likes and dislikes.
Still, here I am, my dreams centered around the place I am in currently, with its familiar faces and landscapes. I enjoy the serenity of my non-happening town, surrounded by greenery instead of skyscrapers, with more aging people than youngsters who require my help in some form or the other. I am their in-house technician, IT support, problem solver, fraud protector, teacher, confidante, and more.
I enjoy the comfort that my people bring. I want to sing in the same language, embrace the same festivals, eat familiar food, and walk through the same lanes. I want to be in a place where I have the same rights as anyone else because it’s my country as much as anyone else’s. I feel like I belong here. My roots have nestled way too deep to be uprooted now. I like the familiarity, the dreaded “comfort zone,” so to speak. I want to stay still, even if it means giving up on urban luxuries.
There aren’t any motivational or romanticized posts for people like me. Sometimes, a film like Little Forest (Korean Movie) or a K-drama like Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha comes along, and you are swept by a wave of emotions, a kind of happiness that at least some people get your feelings. In the real world, you are expected to be money-minded and earn more than the next person. You should have an endless abyss of wants. It makes someone like me flawed and imperfect in the eyes of the world. We get less respect than the ones who constantly want more. But the thing with reaching your 40s is you subconsciously stop letting others dictate how you feel about living your life. It doesn’t matter anymore. Aging is a beautiful thing for this very reason.
We often take the road built by others hoping it will lead us to happiness. If that were the case, everyone who followed norms perfectly would have been happy. What if happiness is in the place you are? The fact that I am happy is a lesson to myself that I need not trail everything the world celebrates. Sometimes you end up paving your own unique path in the process of living a life that feels the most authentic to you. When you acknowledge that it’s okay to define your own version of joy, what others say ceases to make an impression.
Some terminologies have been rightfully canceled. Words that do more harm than good. To use phrases like “I have OCD” when the person has not been medically diagnosed, or to call anyone “retarded” as a form of insult, is being inconsiderate toward people who are experiencing distress or discomfort from such conditions.
This post is not about the usage of problematic terms. It is about everything getting canceled nowadays based on subjective viewpoints. Social media encourages you to cancel someone if you disagree with them. The internet is so vast that you will always find someone who can cancel the same things along with you.
For example, nowadays, I see people calling someone “woke” if they don’t agree with the person. I have seen two sets of people use “woke” in two different contexts. One set calls feminists, activists, and anyone who smashes conventional norms as woke. The other set (which includes feminists) uses it for argumentative and politically correct people. The article “What Woke Means to Liberals and Conservatives” explains how the left and right decode the term.
Now imagine these two sets of people in the same room. They most probably would cancel each other out.
The cancel culture is mainly restricted to the online world. In the real world, people often exhibit greater acceptance and forgiveness. Rather than canceling, they are open to engaging in conversations and are willing to let go if someone holds a different perspective. They understand it is impossible to convince everyone to feel the way they do.
If you think about it, there are many concerns regarding endorsing this cancel culture: How much canceling is too much canceling? Where is the middle ground? Are we at risk of gradually negating each other’s voices to the point where our words become flavorless and self-righteous? Are we on the verge of losing the art of engaging and captivating conversations? Will the fear of offense diminish the essence of comedy, which often relies on pushing boundaries and challenging norms?
When we cancel people and force them to act our way, we unknowingly create a robotic world filled with yes-men. When this happens, we enter an emotional comfort zone devoid of growth. By avoiding conversations and explanations with individuals whose thoughts differ significantly from ours, we miss out on opportunities to engage in meaningful dialogue and expand each other’s perspectives. It is through such discussions that we can foster understanding, empathy, and potentially find common ground, even amidst differing opinions.
Change does not happen overnight, especially regarding principles and beliefs that have been drilled into us since childhood. It is only through increased exposure, experiences, and open-minded discussions that people can gradually become more receptive. Our willingness to engage with them, along with the assistance of others who share similar viewpoints, can play a role in encouraging them to take that important first step toward embracing different perspectives, if not now then later.
The beauty of life lies in the fact that there are many different personalities around us. If everyone acted the same way, how would we learn the art of acknowledging differences? If we don’t acknowledge differences, how do we stay sane? How do we practise empathy and kindness? The cancel culture makes people more intolerant, angry, polarized, and destructive. In my article, To Speak or Not To Speak, I voiced my concerns about the same.
It’s always better to leave room for disagreements, understand why someone feels a certain way (fear being almost always the root cause), and try to give your take on things using non-violent communication without any expectations. The result of such a discussion might not always be fruitful, but if the conversation is done right, you can expect your tolerance levels to improve and your mind to be more empathetic to people with a social conditioning that is different from yours. If each person felt this way, we could probably bring about the desired change more effectively without emotions playing a spoilsport.
Recently, I came across an article that said Japan has forgotten how to smile. The culprit being COVID-19 masking. When you wear a mask, you can forego formalities and skip smiling. Apparently, the Japanese continued this habit even after masking rules were relaxed.
As Japan gradually lifts its mask mandate, the nation grapples with the aftermath of prolonged mask usage. In response, “smile practice seminars” have surfaced nationwide to address the reported loss of smiles among the population.
indiatimes.com
While reading this article, something struck me out of the blue. I opened my phone gallery and scrolled through the pictures. I realized my recent photos did not show me smiling. I kept staring at them, livid that I had overlooked this obvious change. I had a poker-faced expression in almost all images, which wasn’t the case pre-covid.
I now have to consciously make it a point to smile for photos. It takes effort.
However, some things seem to instantly light my soul up, irrespective of whether it shows up on my face:
When someone remembers something I said ages ago
Warm smiles from strangers while shopping
Words with the power to tug heartstrings
Watching an uplifting movie on Friday night after a long, tiring week
Enjoying a good book in my bed on a Sunday afternoon
Immersing in music at night, lights off, with no distractions
Wandering outdoors aimlessly with an ice cream in hand
Comfortable silences
Peace
Warm bubble baths
Being around animals
Conversations that flow
Showing and receiving gratitude
Warm hugs and forehead kisses
Empathy and kindness
I am sure there are more.
It’s when you note down the small joys in life do you realize most of life’s prized gifts are things that cannot be bought with money. Things that rejuvenate and keep you sane. When I am down, I know I can rely on these items on my feel-good list to bring my mood back up.
Life happens, with all its challenges and unpredictability. Still, we should never let go or overlook things that light our souls up. Those bytes of sunshine might just be our medicine, the sure-shot solution that can help us regain a smile lost in the rubble of uncertainty that life often throws our way.
Most people are scared of ending up alone. The single ones want to get married, thinking it’s the answer to their loneliness. The married ones do not even want to think of a life where they would be without their partner. Both are justified.
But my problem lies with this – the single life is made the villain here. It has unnecessarily got a bad reputation, something that you need to steer clear of at all costs.
People tend to forget that being alone cannot be avoided. You will be alone at some point in your life, if not now, then later – when a partner passes away, or your children migrate, or due to other unforeseen circumstances.
Rather than being afraid of being alone, learn to embrace it.
Humans cannot do without love or some form of social interaction, but we shouldn’t be left flustered or lost if left on our own.
Picture your kids and your partner on an extended vacation. Maybe a year or more. Are you confident that you can manage things comfortably? I am not talking about emotional dependence. We all are emotionally dependent on the ones we love. But are you relying on others to manage your life for you?
One thing I learned when my father passed away was how dependent my mother was on him. She was left clueless on how to deal with life, financial responsibilities, and day-to-day chores that my father used to handle till then. So I had to take on my dad’s role when he passed away, even though I was just as clueless as my mother was. It was then I realized I wasted many years not learning enough from him, especially crucial matters related to finance.
Also, as someone who was once married and has lived alone for the past 15 years, I would like to say there are things in relationships that I certainly find scarier than being alone.
Being clueless about finance
We all must know how to handle our finances, irrespective of whether we have a partner or not. God forbid, if something happens to our partner, we should learn to navigate the situation.
Times are such that we cannot depend on outsiders to handle our money. We should take small steps to be financially literate.
The first step to awareness is to start learning from the member managing your family’s finances. Have conversations with them, understand what kind of investments they have made and why, and what your responsibilities would be in the future when it comes to managing any assets or liabilities in the future.
Being stuck with someone who can’t understand me
I find this scary because no matter what I do or how deeply I express myself, a partner whose emotional wavelength does not match mine might never be able to understand me.
It’s not the partner’s fault. It’s not yours either.
You both are just wired differently.
So to expect your partner to “get you” when they cannot is scary and unfair.
Wanting different things in life
There is a reason you “fall” in love. You are literally freefalling without any second thought. You ignore all the red flags because you have been blinded by love and are ready to forgive even toxic traits. You miss the blatant differences because they appear tolerable when new to love.
I did not understand this when I was young. However, I later realized that the more commonalities you share, the less turbulent your relationship will be.
Your core values should align, if not anything else, so communicating what is important to you (the dealbreakers) is a must.
Not being able to connect once the honeymoon phase is over
You never get to know someone’s love language unless you spend significant quantifiable time with them.
When you fall in love, your hormones are on overdrive.
You get to know how right you are for each other when things settle down.
Feeling alone in a relationship
This stems from point 2 – being with someone who can’t understand you. The second phase of this issue is usually loneliness, which creeps in when you try to make your partner understand you, but they are unable to.
All our lives, we are looking for someone to fill that void, but when that person themselves is responsible for the void, it is the most dreadful feeling.
Sometimes couples drift apart, and the only thing that remains is the relationship tag. This change cannot be predicted, but when it happens, it is more scary than being alone.
Not having complete control over my life
We fall in love, and we succumb entirely to the other person.
We lose some of our individuality and control over ourselves in the process.
Some amount of compromising is required for any relationship to survive. But how much is too much?
When I was married, I realized I had to let go of many things I enjoyed while I was single – my solitude, freedom to spend and invest my money the way I like, etc. This sudden loss of control was a scary thing for me. It is also a reason why I never remarried.
Conclusion
There are a lot more things that are scarier than being alone.
The purpose of this post is to educate young ones not to make rash decisions based on societal pressure or your own insecurities.
A partnership is to be pursued with full awareness. If you are afraid of being alone, you will never be able to view a relationship in a practical light. Worse, you might end up compromising on all the negatives or the red flags your partner throws at you just so you won’t end up alone.
Embrace solitude; it’s not all bad as society paints it to be.
Lately, I have ventured into watching Korean dramas. I have to admit I am completely hooked. I tried to stay away from K-dramas for the longest time, assuming it would be too cheesy for my liking. And honestly, the titles did not help.
But after watching just a few K-dramas over the past few months, I can confidently say – don’t judge a series by its name!
K-drama is anything but corny, cheesy, or cringe. It has well-crafted plots with impeccable, high quality writing. It’s admirable how much importance they place on everyday emotions. I now find it so wholesome, engaging, and fulfilling that I would advise anyone to watch at least one episode every day, especially if you’ve had a particularly draining day. A K-drama episode a day might just keep the doctor away.
The Korean dramas I tend to choose are solely focused on relationships because that is what I am craving at the moment. Over the past decade, I binge-watched several serious, abstract, intellectual, gory, and violent movies. The types that movie critics couldn’t stop raving about. And now I’ve had enough. I have reached a saturation point when it comes to reality-based cinema. Bring on the whimsical, captivating, addictive world of romance! I want to leave my troubles behind, I want to dream of a better world and romanticize about it.
As an Indian, I can’t help but wonder what happened to the quintessential feel-good romantic Yash Raj-esque movies? Why have we stopped making them? They used to perform incredibly well at the box office and are still cherished. DDLJ has been on a running spree for decades in Mumbai, with no end in sight. Which other genre can boast of having a similar impact on the audience? We can’t get enough of the charming Raj or the dreamy-eyed Simran. My friends reminisce about the etherealness of Chandni and the intoxicating love of Veer Zara. Forget Yash Chopra movies. Even a dark project like Dil Se had its share of aesthetically pleasing love-packed moments. Not to forget the playful mischief enacted by the lead actors with full gusto. A quirky Preeti (played by Preity Zinta) asks Amar (portrayed by the king of romance Shah Rukh Khan), “Are you a virgin?” which catches him off-guard, like the rest of us. We loved the dialogue, the crackling chemistry, and the freshness of it all.
Personally, my favorite Bollywood pair is Konkona and Ranbir in Wake Up Sid. The romantic angle was offbeat – a young guy in his 20s falling for an older working woman. You might think this unconventional pairing might not work, but they proved their detractors wrong. The chemistry was bang-on, scenes were memorable, dialogues were fun and thoughtful, and it boasted of the right mix of profoundness and escapism. You fell in love with the characters. It was difficult not to.
Romantic stories used to sell big in Bollywood. So this sudden shift from romance to violence and trauma-inducing reality cinema is unreasonable. The ones that Bollywood does end up making nowadays have no soul and are almost, for the lack of a better word – “cringe.” They lack emotional intensity and nuance. It is difficult to connect with the characters and delve into their world. A sign of a compelling romantic story is when you find yourself developing an emotional connection with the characters. Their love feels like your love. You want to hug them when they are sad, cheer for them when their passion gets reciprocated, or blush when romance is in the air. This holds true whether you are reading a book or watching a movie. If this feeling is missing, the story fails to make a mark.
It is not that India has stopped indulging in romantic stories entirely. We get to witness some well-made series on OTT, such as Mismatched and Little Things. They have done well, proving that there is an audience out there for authentic Hindi romantic sagas.
I thought I would have to resort to books for my kind of romance. Still, lo and behold, I was introduced to the world of K-drama, where everything is just as mushy and glossy as it used to be in Bollywood.
What makes K-drama so different from regular Bollywood movies released nowadays?
Focus is on emotions and feelings
Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha
Those stolen glances, broad smiles, and yearning looks are what makes K-drama so swoon-worthy. While Bollywood has moved to a more lusty “fast food” kind of romance, Korean drama still hangs on to the original slow-cooked YRF magic with a tight leash. Why stop making something that is doing well?
Stories for the soul
Crash Landing On You
We all know romantic movies are a world of make-believe, and we can’t possibly expect all of that sweet idealism to seamlessly transfer into our everyday lives. It’s not practical. But that’s what movies should do, if not regularly, then at least occasionally, offer a form of escapism to its audience from real-life issues.
The cute playfulness, heart-warming dialogues, gestures, and scenes that revolve around emotions are what make K-drama so sinfully good and make anyone forget their worries.
Family-oriented
Twenty Five Twenty One
One thing I dread nowadays is watching a movie or a TV series with family. You never know what kind of provocative scene will jump out of nowhere, leaving you and your family overwhelmed with embarrassment and a sense of existential crisis.
Most of the K-dramas I have seen are family-oriented. You can sit and watch the shows in the open, reassured that nothing awkward will unexpectedly appear on your screen.
Binge-worthy
What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim
Each episode in Korean dramas tends to be lengthy! It can be over an hour long. But since the focus is on everyday relationships, you don’t end up getting bored.
The right amount of playfulness and romance
Love To Hate You
The couples in K-dramas tease each other, have healthy banter, crack jokes, and are playful. Contrary to the common belief held by those who haven’t yet watched K-dramas, the shows are not all about soppy dialogues. The noteworthy part is that it all looks organic, not forced, adding to the authenticity of the experience.
Catchy music
Business Proposal
The music and background score in K-drama blends in with the situations, and in no time, you find yourself humming the tunes while doing your everyday chores. It exudes a gentle yet addictive vibe.
More relatability for 30+-year-olds
While many romantic movies in India cater to a younger audience, I have noticed that most of the K-dramas I have watched feature older and more mature characters. This offers more relatability for people in my age group who want to see people their age romance on-screen as well.
It’s Your Turn Bollywood
In the 80s and 90s, Bollywood films incorporated many of these points I listed above, except maybe featuring characters in their 30s and older. However, the current landscape of Bollywood movies doesn’t provide the same enjoyment as those classic films.
A look into the popularity of K-drama proves that romantic stories still sell. It is well-liked world-over across all nationalities. In India, I am surrounded by K-drama enthusiasts. It’s safe to say there is still a broad audience for the romantic genre in India, but they are forced to venture beyond the confines of the Indian movie industry as there’s a scarcity of feel-good, wholesome cinema here.
Hindi filmmakers should seriously consider creating good ol’ romantic movies again infused with emotions, aesthetics, endearing chemistry, and romantic dialogues. Maybe then, they may witness the box office numbers soar, finally putting an end to complaints about the underperformance of Hindi movies in recent times.
I was surprised when I learned Wicca is openly practised in India.
Till then, I had only read about it in blogs written by people in the U.S.
Witches are just like ordinary people, blending in seamlessly with society. They don’t ride broomsticks or cast spells on unsuspecting individuals. The real ones tell you not to use the universal energy for negative agendas – “It will hit you back,” they warn. This differs from the stereotypical witches in movies and television dramas, who are portrayed as evil and adept at spewing words of hatred.
As I went through articles and posts by real witches advocating for the principle of “Do no bad to others,” I couldn’t help but notice the similarity to the teachings of practitioners of more mainstream religions who promote similar values. I often wonder if we are all indeed praying collectively to the same energy. Even a book on atheism, The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, does not negate the power of nature and its mystical ways.
Personally, it’s gratifying to know that we all are more united than we think we are – not divided by religion, caste, or community. We are one, all seeking the same things in life – hoping to be heard, protected, and blessed by a higher energy to navigate life more smoothly. The possibility that we must all be asking favors from the same being, using different names, is a heady feeling. It erases any semblance of boundaries. It assures you that humanity is above all. If more individuals shared this perspective, the divisive “us vs. them” mentality could diminish, allowing us to function from a unified standpoint.
I read about Ipsita Roy Chakraverti in a local newspaper. I was mindblown by the fact that a witch existed in India. Such things are usually kept secret in a conservative country like mine, but here was a woman who was unabashedly vocal about her practice and teachings. It was then I learned that Ipsita has authored many books on witchcraft. I decided to try “Beloved Witch” as curiosity got the better of me.
Ipsita is different from other witches in the sense that she does not shy away from promoting her powers. She’s not modest and understands her worth, which is why you often see her showering herself with compliments in the book.
I found it refreshing that Ipsita encourages you to use the all-encompassing universal energy for your own greedy benefits but warns you to be prepared for repercussions. She does not say, “Don’t do this.” Instead, she says, “Do it. But whatever happens after that is your responsibility.” So basically, she’s like a parent telling her young ones to seek adventure, giving them the liberty to learn from their own mistakes.
Now that I am done with my views on the subject, I am going to present some of my favorite thought-provoking quotes and anecdotes from Ipsita’s book. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!
The earth is a great storehouse of energy. Merge with that source he told me, and you shall be whatever you wish to be.
She’ll flick some ash off from her cigarette (no, smoking is not permitted in the chalet, but she’ll sneak around the garden shed and wink at us). As the ash plops down and crumbles away, she’ll say, ‘That’s worldly fame for you. Fun while it lasts but don’t count on it to be around. Besides, it leaves a bad taste in the mouth.’
The following quote is what I had blogged about previously. It was after writing the post that I read this book, so it was a pleasant surprise for me to see those thoughts come to life in print.
Somehow, eastern yoginis never ‘flew’ but western witches were supposed to ride the broom over hill and dale. I have often wondered about this. And this is what I have discovered. What did the broom symbolize? It stood for hearth and home to which a woman was tied by male domination. As she ‘flew’ away on it, it meant that she was breaking the bonds. It symbolized her freedom. It might as well have been a flying carpet.
Colourful stories abounded about how a long-suffering wife would fly away into the night on this piece of domestic bondage, while her husband slept snugly unaware in his bed. She would revel all night long under the moon and return only at dawn to sweep the hearth with the very broom which had carried her off to her secret trysts.
It has been said that witches were women who were never afraid to ‘fly’. Maybe that is why they had to be burnt.
Women, strong, beautiful or independent minded were called witches so that they could be eliminated. The men who tortured and burnt innocent women in medieval Europe, live on in other places, in different guises. Witch-hunting never stopped. It just took on a more deceptive mask.
Of course, in my experience with thousands of women who have come to me for help, I would say that every strong woman is a witch and she is always hunted. It goes against the nature of most men to tolerate a woman they cannot dominate.
Witch-hunting is present not only in rural Bengal, Bihar, Orissa, Uttar Pradesh or Madhya Pradesh. It prevails everywhere in the world where women stand up for themselves and what they believe in. It is there whenever women refuse to be the pawns or playthings of a callous society. Who is a witch? Or more important, what does she do? As she is a Wiccan, it would be fair to say that she practises Wicca or wiccecraefte or the skills of the wise. She was the original wise woman, the shaman, the healer, the counsellor, the lawyer, the stateswoman of her community. Her power became a threat to men, to organised religion — and hence the persecution, the witch-hunts and the slander.
‘Dr Radhakrishnan, do people in our country work best when they are shouted at or spoken to with sarcasm?’ I asked. He smiled that famous smile of his. Serene, indulgent and amused. ‘Yes, I think three hundred years of servitude have taken their toll. The Indian mind wants and needs love, compassion and understanding but has been weakened by fear. Hence it reacts the most quickly to harshness for that is what it fears. You see, our people have had to put up with so many masters, that even now we understand only the language of compulsion.’
Manifestation and visualization are concepts endorsed by a lot of people, including yours truly. As made clear from the following quote, it is practised in witchcraft as well.
Visualization of what you desire is an important part of every Wiccan ritual.
I hated the thought of my parents making a will because it implied that one day I would be on my own on this planet. And if I was capable of love, they were the only ones I did love. Wills also confirm the worst in human nature. It makes one realize that without legal documents and safeguards, people are vile, greedy and corrupt. There is something very sad in this realization.
‘I agree with Nietzsche about what the free spirit needs. It abhors habits and rules. Everything which goes on and on.’
‘But can marriage become stifling then?’ I asked her. ‘I suppose it can, to certain natures. Such a nature, even if it marries, needs space. You know, don’t you, that Nietzsche compared marriage to a spider’s web. Finally, the threads become traps. That is why, after a time, the spider stuck in the middle, painfully tears apart the mesh enclosing him, even though it will suffer from the wounds — because it must tear these threads off itself, away from its body, away from its soul. It must learn to hate where it used to love and vice versa.’
Wicca was not a dark and sinister practice, it was above board and publicly practised for anybody to check and experience. I proved it to the country. I also brought back the ancient science of quartz therapy to India. Wicca showed the way, once the path had been cleared.
Amongst the men, a very famous Wiccan was said to be none other than Robin Hood. He lived in the green woods, a lover of nature. He had around him a coven of twelve members, he being the thirteenth. He was certainly anti-establishment and fought against all forms of exploitation of the poor and helpless. He was also against organized religion. The woods were his church.
The power seekers wanted control in their own hands. Control over the populace, control over laws and governance. Those with independent, free thinking ways and minds, were a threat. Hence the persecution of Wiccans. Specially if they were women. They became the ‘evil witches’ who always tried to harm people, specially children. Folklore and fairy tales abounded equating witchery with wickedness.
What is wicked? Evil is so relative. What is wrong today, may not be considered so tomorrow. Besides right and wrong are such personal, individual things. I have always set my own standards, keeping only one thing in mind. I do not willingly and purposefully harm another in body, mind or spirit. I do not initiate mischief.
Life was the greatest school, the best laboratory for the most interesting experiments with the human species.Look at them, listen to them, mingle with them and learn.
So is there a heaven where you go if you have been ‘good’? I think we make our own heavens (and hells?) right here — and we continue living in them with those we want near, even after we pass on from our physical bodies.
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