Interracial Romance and the Indian Mindset

I recently watched a thoughtful discussion by Zarna Garg on interracial romance, featuring her own family. Based in the US, their candid conversation offers a refreshing glimpse into how Indian-American families are navigating such topics. It was heartening to see everyone, parents and kids, engage so openly. In many Indian households, these conversations either happen too late or not at all, often wrapped in hesitation or silence. But here was a family talking honestly about dating, identity, and interracial relationships. A big shoutout to them for their openness and clarity. It’s these dialogues that make a real difference.

Watch the video below:

Thoughts

I’ve spent most of my life abroad before choosing to return to India. Yet even while living overseas, I always knew my relationships would be with Indian men. Perhaps it’s because I studied in an Indian school and mostly socialized within the Indian community, even outside the country. I look Indian, dress Indian, and speak with an Indian accent. So it was natural to feel more comfortable with Indian men.

However, in today’s globalized world, with increasing interracial mingling, millennials like me must come to terms with the fact that more non-Indians are likely to become part of our families. Someone recently remarked how the world is blending in such a way that you can no longer easily tell someone’s ethnicity. Even appearances are getting “globalized.” It was an eye-opener. I’ve come to realize this holds especially true in the Indian context. Today’s new-generation kids often no longer look or sound traditionally Indian, especially the kids in Indian metros. Their accents, fashion, and even body language reflect a more global identity.

A few months ago, a relative married a Spanish man, the first white partner in our family. Surprisingly, everyone, including the older generation, was welcoming. No drama. No resistance. That in itself feels like progress. Our extended family no longer fusses over caste or religion in love marriages. Marrying someone from a “lower caste” has become normal (though I personally reject terms like “lower” and “upper” caste, which are inherently divisive). Only a few super-senior relatives seem to hold on to rigid views, but even that seems to be fading.

I wonder if this shift is due to the older generation’s growing access to YouTube and social media. Many now watch global discussions on love, identity, and acceptance. One moment really stood out: a senior aunt watched Kaathal, a Malayalam film about same-sex love, and casually remarked, “Being gay or lesbian is fine. It’s not a disease.” That kind of acceptance would’ve been unthinkable even a decade ago. But it’s happening now, and that matters.

More recently, one of my nieces fell in love with a white guy. It’s a bit more delicate because it hits closer to home. While I’m happy she found someone, I can’t help but feel a bit anxious. Our cultures are worlds apart, and it’s not just the couple that has to adjust, but the families too. At this age, do I or her parents have the patience? I’m unsure. On second thought, it doesn’t concern me or her family, as the relationship is hers to navigate. Still, as Zarna Garg wisely said in her family discussion, any relationship can thrive if the core values align: education, family, career, loyalty, and health. Everything else is secondary and can be worked around.

One comment from Zarna’s husband lingered with me. He mentioned that their eldest daughter has only dated white men, and he took it personally. He had read somewhere that girls whose fathers aren’t ideal husbands are more likely to do this. That struck a chord. My niece also has a pattern of dating white men, and to be honest, her father isn’t exactly the perfect partner either. Could there be a subconscious link? I wouldn’t dare bring it up now, especially since she lives abroad, but maybe someday in person.

There’s so much our generation is still figuring out. As millennials in our 40s, we stand between tradition and transition. We want to be open-minded and inclusive, but also grounded. At times, it worries us to see the younger generation drifting away from tradition. There’s a quiet fear: will our culture someday fade into oblivion? But these are changing times, and change demands a degree of acceptance. We may not always agree, but we must learn to adapt. I also see a growing trend among young parents today: trying too hard to be politically correct, often avoiding difficult conversations just to stay in their children’s good books. This might be a measure to ensure they don’t repeat their parents’ mistakes of being too restrictive. But experience teaches us that hard truths, spoken with love, are just as necessary today as it was yesterday.

Some of the advice I dismissed in my 20s now makes perfect sense. You only begin to understand your parents once you reach their age. That’s how life unfolds. You gain clarity with time. Until then, all we can do is trust, adapt, and hope it all works out in the end.

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Photo by Bhavitya Indora

An Ode to Calming My Monkey Mind Through Meditation

There’s so much bad news everywhere. Wars, riots, terror attacks, persecution, and discrimination. I don’t know about you, but I’ve started to feel helpless, knowing I hold no power to fix these problems. As individuals, there’s only so much we can do. What is in our control is how we express our views, calmly and with clarity. But even that becomes difficult when those around us try to silence any perspective that doesn’t match their own. They get aggressive. We get perplexed. It becomes a vicious cycle. One that’s hard to escape. It drains our time, disturbs our emotional balance, and pushes away those who genuinely want to understand us.

In the midst of all this, I recently attended an online yoga session on International Yoga Day. We meditated together as a group, and it turned out to be one of the most peaceful and calming experiences I’ve had in a while. The meditation lasted only 7 minutes, but it had a noticeable, immediate impact. I felt centred. It helped me go about the rest of my day with a calm focus, even while handling everyday chores or reading the news. This is new for me. For the past few years, my mind has been troubled by witnessing the coldness with which society operates. There was a lingering sense of doom that had become hard to manage. So when meditation helped soften that heaviness, even slightly, it came as a welcome relief. I allowed myself to sit with that emotion and savour it.

The guide assured us that the control over our minds would improve even further with consistent practice. He said that even just 7 minutes of daily meditation can make a noticeable difference over time. I’m still new to the practice, so it’s too early for me to say how lasting the effects are. But one thing I can say for sure: you feel noticeably better after just the first session.

What made those few minutes so calming was the simple act of focusing only on the breath and the space between the eyebrows. In that short span, there were no screens, no distractions. Just stillness. It felt like a small step toward making peace with myself. This is what I experienced in my first few days of meditation. I’m not sure yet if I can commit to doing it every single day, but it’s something I genuinely want to try.

I’m not the body, I’m not the mind

As we meditated, this chant of “I’m not the body, I’m not the mind” by Sadhguru played in the background, accompanied by soothing flute music. It felt like an invitation to disconnect from the body and mind, to simply let yourself be. You don’t have to react to everything. You can observe your experiences as an outsider, from a third-person perspective. Feel your emotions, acknowledge them, but don’t let them consume you beyond control so that you lose sight of logic.

If you’re interested in trying the same meditation, you can do it at home by downloading the “Miracle of Mind by Sadhguru” app on your phone. The session includes the same calming chant and ends with a short 1-minute video from Sadhguru, offering simple insights on daily practice.

Now, I understand some may have reservations about Sadhguru due to political or personal views, or unverified claims. But I’d encourage you to look past that and focus instead on what this practice can offer you personally.

I’ve tried other meditation apps too, but they often felt too Western in their approach. This one, however, feels grounded in Indian sensibilities, with gentle flute music and guided instructions that actually help you stay focused. In a culture where complete silence isn’t always easy to adapt to, this format works well. It’s thoughtfully designed for an Indian audience, making meditation more accessible and less intimidating.

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Photo by Yogendra Singh

How It Feels To Be a 100% Introvert

I recently retook the MBTI test after a few years to see if my personality had changed. I noticed that some of my friends went from being introverted to extroverted, or the other way around, due to their life experiences. This made me curious about my own metamorphosis.

The test didn’t have anything new to offer for me. I am still as introverted as ever. Even though these results are not to be taken to heart, I agree with my assessment of being a 100% introvert. I am yet to see someone who is as introverted (not shy) as I am. Or maybe I have not met one because they are as reclusive as me.

So, what does it mean to be a 100% introvert? I can only talk from personal experience. Here’s what makes me one:

Social interactions tend to drain me, even with my close ones. If I put on a fake extroverted persona for an extended period, I feel exhausted by the end of the day, and I have to overcome that fatigue by sleeping a lot. This phony outgoing persona is a survival mechanism that introverts often adopt to function in this society that only rewards extroversion.
I can survive without talking to anyone for hours. But that doesn’t stop my monkey mind from blabbering non-stop. Hence, this blog.
I absolutely detest phone calls. But I am slowly making peace with it because many things are better discussed through calls. It’s faster, but that doesn’t stop me from trying to get an answer through text first.
I explain things better through text. I get more clarity while I write.
I used to be a chat person, but not any longer. In short, I am not much of a phone person!
I prefer one-on-one interactions because I find them more insightful. A group setting is the best for fun conversations, though.
I get absolute joy from canceled plans. I have big-time JOMO.
I can stay indoors for days without feeling bored, sad, or lonely.
I’m a single woman in my 40s. I prefer not to get married because I crave too much personal space.
New situations disorient me. I take time to adjust to them.
I tend to have an emotional meltdown if I have several new things bombarding me simultaneously. To avoid any sensory overload, I consciously focus on one new thing at a time. Of course, this is not always possible. However, if given a choice, I go step-by-step and sort of soothe myself into the new scenario.
I am hypersensitive to sound, so I like to avoid “happening” places. Yes, I am boring.

If you want to try the test, you can do it for free at 16Personalities. However, this is not a professionally accredited test.

***Note: As I write this, my thoughts are scattered. I’m thinking of those facing unsettling times, displaced and disoriented in volatile regions, many of whom have lost loved ones. If you’ve read this far, I’d like to request a moment of contemplation. Let’s hope for peace to prevail. Let’s control our anger and emotions during these testing times and treat each other with empathy and respect. There’s enough hate in this world. Let us be mindful not to add to it.

My Heart Feels Heavy

I have been grieving over what happened in the last few weeks.

Sometimes, I wish I could be blissfully ignorant of global affairs, so I could avoid the tyranny of empathy. It would have done me a lot of good if my line of thinking was, “There are enough issues in India. Why should I focus on other countries?“

However, that’s not the case.

I am witnessing an ugly side of humanity, something I never observed in close quarters before. Innocent civilian deaths are being condemned based on race, community, history, and other factors. A lot of analysis is done before deciding whether to mourn the departed.

No one seems to see the civilians as people with their own set of traumas and fears. Each one is trying to prove why the deaths of “others” are justified. I saw similar arguments happening between friends. It just broke my heart.

I can feel something in me shifting. I think it’s grief from broken expectations. Pain changes you. It molds you into someone who is more prepared to deal with similar mind-numbing events in the future. Your mount of delusions slowly starts cracking, the same ones that had previously shielded you from the truth and kept you blissfully happy. I feel vulnerable in this new revelation. Everything feels like a daze, and my sleep is disturbed. It feels like a raw wound that will take time to recover from. At the same time, I am grieving the departure of my older version. The one that was relatively more optimistic about the goodness in people.

I am at a stage where I have to repeatedly comfort myself, saying it’s okay to let go of things I cannot control. I hope I find it in myself to forgive people who participated in selective empathy.

I want a peaceful tomorrow. But it looks like a distant dream now.

I am craving more than ever for a rational group that condemns the cruelty of innocent civilians, regardless of religion, race, or political affiliations. A group where humanity is the sole focus.

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Photo by paul voie

3 Reasons Why Moving Abroad Doesn’t Make Sense to Someone Like Me

The number of people migrating from India to other countries is increasing every year. The foreign dream does not seem impossible anymore. Parents are willing to help in any way they can just so their children can live a life they could not. If there are monetary issues, loans are taken, or assets are sold.

It feels like a “do or die” situation nowadays, with everyone seemingly hurrying to escape India. Despite all this, I am deeply rooted in home, holding on to this land and its people with a tight grasp, refusing to let go.

Being Close to Family

There are many reasons why I never considered leaving. The primary one being, I want to be near my parents. I absolutely understand people who want to move to a place far away to maintain some distance from their parents (or in-laws). It is a subjective choice. But, I have always been someone extremely attached to my family. I cannot bear to be apart from them.

Home is where my family is. It has always been. My parents would have been more than happy if I had left the place. But I know where my happiness lies. It’s with them. In this limited time that I will spend on this planet, I want to spend it with the people I love the most. It’s my only dream.

Familiarity

I am in my 40s, so I am at a stage where I am less flexible to change. This mass migration to other countries is a recent development. When I was in my teens, everyone planned to stay back in India for further studies. A select few, the economically well-off ones, went abroad.

When you get older, you want familiar evils around you. I wanted to navigate the tried and tested, the known, not the unfamiliar territories with their own issues. I wanted the same people around me. I wanted peace and stability. I know for a fact that if I landed in a place that looked like heaven, it still wouldn’t have had the same effect as home.

Homebody

I am a homebody. When not with my close ones, I like to stay indoors, lost in my own world. My home is my happy place, my sanctuary. I introspect, read, write, exercise, dance, sing, and do more to entertain myself in this small space I call mine.

I have always been a borderline loner. It wasn’t something that happened overnight because of some trauma or incident. This personality was engrained in me since day one. Though I have learned the art of faking an extroverted personality for work and social activities, it does not change the fact that, at my core, I am a true-blue introvert whose energy gets drained by prolonged exposure to people.

I know that if I were to move to a foreign country, my personality is not going to magically change. I would still be a homebody. Due to my nature, moving continents just to stay at home does not make sense. For an individual like me, India can be a dream place. The country is so digitalized right now that I can buy, order, or book anything I want without leaving my house – medicines, groceries, food, taxis, medical tests, bills, and more. It is a homebody’s dream!

Ultimately, it depends on one’s personal choice. I know many who want to escape India purely because of their in-laws’ or relatives’ taunts. They find migration the best solution. Such reasons are entirely valid. Live in a place that gives you joy. It does not have to be India. However, my point is, never fall for what’s popular or in trend right now without considering your own needs. Ask yourself, “Is this what you really want and why? Or do you want it only because everyone else does?”

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Photo by Darshak Pandya

An Ode to Aligning With Your Natural Skills

An excerpt from Atomic Habits by James Clear:

Habits are easier to perform, and more satisfying to stick with, when they align with your natural inclinations and abilities. You want to play a game where the odds are in your favor. Embracing this strategy requires the acceptance of the simple truth that people are born with different abilities. Some people don’t like to discuss this fact. On the surface, your genes seem to be fixed, and it’s no fun to talk about things you cannot control. The areas where you are genetically predisposed to success are the areas where habits are more likely to be satisfying. The key is to direct your effort toward areas that both excite you and match your natural skills, to align your ambition with your ability.

This paragraph got me nodding away.

We all believe hard work can get us anywhere. It does, to a limit. If we are not naturally talented in what we are doing, more effort is required. But how much effort is too much? When do we stop? This requires some self-awareness. As the famous adage goes, “You cannot judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree.” No matter how much you believe “I will learn to fly one day,” it is physically impossible, even if you practice for hours on end flapping your arms, thinking your hard work will pay off one day.

Consider my case. I am not particularly good at math. I can solve problems, but it takes more time than average. My strengths are my patience and determination, which almost always help me figure out a solution. If I were to start a career in finance (which I did once upon a time), I would have been a disaster due to my dislike for numbers. Currently, I have made my financial life more manageable by outsourcing money-related decisions to experts. Instead, I took up a job that rewarded my problem-solving skills, irrespective of how long it took me to discover a solution. My work is challenging, but since it naturally aligns with what I am good at, there is considerably less friction. As a result, I am happier doing what I do.

Acknowledging your limitations shouldn’t be treated as a failure. On the contrary, it’s more energy-efficient to align with your natural skills and play to your strengths instead of moving far away from them. You need not over-stress yourself with things that do not seem to improve, no matter how hard you try. Maybe there is something else you are naturally good at.

I read that as kids, BTS members V and Jung Kook experimented in different fields to understand their aptitude. Their parents encouraged it. Both eventually chose music. Afterward, when V had a stress-related emotional meltdown, his father told him it was okay to come back home. “We can find something else you’re good at,” he said. However, V persisted because he didn’t want to disappoint his family. Those words of encouragement meant a lot to him. It made him realize that even if he quit, he could sail through. But not everyone is like V (or his parents).

I honestly feel we should be told it is okay to give up and try out other things when the time comes so we don’t get stuck in a depressing rut. Not everything in life can be achieved with hard work. And that’s okay.

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Photo by Pok Rie