An Ode to Staying Still in a Fast-Paced World

Children enjoying a leisurely stroll in the sprawling fields, basking in the simple joys of nature's embrace

I have been working the same job, staying at the same place, with the same people around me for ages – an anomaly in this fast-paced world where people are constantly on the move. Yet, I feel at ease, holding no grudges, feeling no pain or regret.

Most people around me are competitive, having quantifiable goals. Everyone seems to be in a rush, in a hurry to move continents and prove their value to the world. Occasionally, I feel insecure looking at them. Not because I want what they have but because I am expected to dream the same dreams. It would have made life easier to conform to the unwritten rules set by society. There would be less friction. If you get joy from a lifestyle that, per society, shouldn’t bring you joy, you start questioning your likes and dislikes.

Still, here I am, my dreams centered around the place I am in currently, with its familiar faces and landscapes. I enjoy the serenity of my non-happening town, surrounded by greenery instead of skyscrapers, with more aging people than youngsters who require my help in some form or the other. I am their in-house technician, IT support, problem solver, fraud protector, teacher, confidante, and more.

I enjoy the comfort that my people bring. I want to sing in the same language, embrace the same festivals, eat familiar food, and walk through the same lanes. I want to be in a place where I have the same rights as anyone else because it’s my country as much as anyone else’s. I feel like I belong here. My roots have nestled way too deep to be uprooted now. I like the familiarity, the dreaded “comfort zone,” so to speak. I want to stay still, even if it means giving up on urban luxuries.

There aren’t any motivational or romanticized posts for people like me. Sometimes, a film like Little Forest (Korean Movie) or a K-drama like Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha comes along, and you are swept by a wave of emotions, a kind of happiness that at least some people get your feelings. In the real world, you are expected to be money-minded and earn more than the next person. You should have an endless abyss of wants. It makes someone like me flawed and imperfect in the eyes of the world. We get less respect than the ones who constantly want more. But the thing with reaching your 40s is you subconsciously stop letting others dictate how you feel about living your life. It doesn’t matter anymore. Aging is a beautiful thing for this very reason.

We often take the road built by others hoping it will lead us to happiness. If that were the case, everyone who followed norms perfectly would have been happy. What if happiness is in the place you are? The fact that I am happy is a lesson to myself that I need not trail everything the world celebrates. Sometimes you end up paving your own unique path in the process of living a life that feels the most authentic to you. When you acknowledge that it’s okay to define your own version of joy, what others say ceases to make an impression.

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Photo by Drift Shutterbug

An Ode to the Things That Make Me Smile

Recently, I came across an article that said Japan has forgotten how to smile. The culprit being COVID-19 masking. When you wear a mask, you can forego formalities and skip smiling. Apparently, the Japanese continued this habit even after masking rules were relaxed.

As Japan gradually lifts its mask mandate, the nation grapples with the aftermath of prolonged mask usage. In response, “smile practice seminars” have surfaced nationwide to address the reported loss of smiles among the population.
indiatimes.com

While reading this article, something struck me out of the blue. I opened my phone gallery and scrolled through the pictures. I realized my recent photos did not show me smiling. I kept staring at them, livid that I had overlooked this obvious change. I had a poker-faced expression in almost all images, which wasn’t the case pre-covid.

I now have to consciously make it a point to smile for photos. It takes effort.

However, some things seem to instantly light my soul up, irrespective of whether it shows up on my face:

When someone remembers something I said ages ago
Warm smiles from strangers while shopping
Words with the power to tug heartstrings
Watching an uplifting movie on Friday night after a long, tiring week
Enjoying a good book in my bed on a Sunday afternoon
Immersing in music at night, lights off, with no distractions
Wandering outdoors aimlessly with an ice cream in hand
Comfortable silences
Peace
Warm bubble baths
Being around animals
Conversations that flow
Showing and receiving gratitude
Warm hugs and forehead kisses
Empathy and kindness

I am sure there are more.

It’s when you note down the small joys in life do you realize most of life’s prized gifts are things that cannot be bought with money. Things that rejuvenate and keep you sane. When I am down, I know I can rely on these items on my feel-good list to bring my mood back up.

Life happens, with all its challenges and unpredictability. Still, we should never let go or overlook things that light our souls up. Those bytes of sunshine might just be our medicine, the sure-shot solution that can help us regain a smile lost in the rubble of uncertainty that life often throws our way.

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Photo by cottonbro studio

6 Things I Find Scarier Than Being Alone

Solitude. Enjoying a view alone from a mountain top.

Most people are scared of ending up alone. The single ones want to get married, thinking it’s the answer to their loneliness. The married ones do not even want to think of a life where they would be without their partner. Both are justified.

But my problem lies with this – the single life is made the villain here. It has unnecessarily got a bad reputation, something that you need to steer clear of at all costs.

People tend to forget that being alone cannot be avoided. You will be alone at some point in your life, if not now, then later – when a partner passes away, or your children migrate, or due to other unforeseen circumstances.

Rather than being afraid of being alone, learn to embrace it.

Humans cannot do without love or some form of social interaction, but we shouldn’t be left flustered or lost if left on our own.

Picture your kids and your partner on an extended vacation. Maybe a year or more. Are you confident that you can manage things comfortably? I am not talking about emotional dependence. We all are emotionally dependent on the ones we love. But are you relying on others to manage your life for you?

One thing I learned when my father passed away was how dependent my mother was on him. She was left clueless on how to deal with life, financial responsibilities, and day-to-day chores that my father used to handle till then. So I had to take on my dad’s role when he passed away, even though I was just as clueless as my mother was. It was then I realized I wasted many years not learning enough from him, especially crucial matters related to finance.

Also, as someone who was once married and has lived alone for the past 15 years, I would like to say there are things in relationships that I certainly find scarier than being alone.

Being clueless about finance

We all must know how to handle our finances, irrespective of whether we have a partner or not. God forbid, if something happens to our partner, we should learn to navigate the situation.

Times are such that we cannot depend on outsiders to handle our money. We should take small steps to be financially literate.

The first step to awareness is to start learning from the member managing your family’s finances. Have conversations with them, understand what kind of investments they have made and why, and what your responsibilities would be in the future when it comes to managing any assets or liabilities in the future.

Being stuck with someone who can’t understand me

I find this scary because no matter what I do or how deeply I express myself, a partner whose emotional wavelength does not match mine might never be able to understand me.

It’s not the partner’s fault. It’s not yours either.

You both are just wired differently.

So to expect your partner to “get you” when they cannot is scary and unfair.

Wanting different things in life

There is a reason you “fall” in love. You are literally freefalling without any second thought. You ignore all the red flags because you have been blinded by love and are ready to forgive even toxic traits. You miss the blatant differences because they appear tolerable when new to love.

I did not understand this when I was young. However, I later realized that the more commonalities you share, the less turbulent your relationship will be.

Your core values should align, if not anything else, so communicating what is important to you (the dealbreakers) is a must.

Not being able to connect once the honeymoon phase is over

You never get to know someone’s love language unless you spend significant quantifiable time with them.

When you fall in love, your hormones are on overdrive.

You get to know how right you are for each other when things settle down.

Feeling alone in a relationship

This stems from point 2 – being with someone who can’t understand you. The second phase of this issue is usually loneliness, which creeps in when you try to make your partner understand you, but they are unable to.

All our lives, we are looking for someone to fill that void, but when that person themselves is responsible for the void, it is the most dreadful feeling.

Sometimes couples drift apart, and the only thing that remains is the relationship tag. This change cannot be predicted, but when it happens, it is more scary than being alone.

Not having complete control over my life

We fall in love, and we succumb entirely to the other person.

We lose some of our individuality and control over ourselves in the process.

Some amount of compromising is required for any relationship to survive. But how much is too much?

When I was married, I realized I had to let go of many things I enjoyed while I was single – my solitude, freedom to spend and invest my money the way I like, etc. This sudden loss of control was a scary thing for me. It is also a reason why I never remarried.

Conclusion

There are a lot more things that are scarier than being alone.

The purpose of this post is to educate young ones not to make rash decisions based on societal pressure or your own insecurities.

A partnership is to be pursued with full awareness. If you are afraid of being alone, you will never be able to view a relationship in a practical light. Worse, you might end up compromising on all the negatives or the red flags your partner throws at you just so you won’t end up alone.

Embrace solitude; it’s not all bad as society paints it to be.

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Photo by Arthur Brognoli

Important Life Lessons Learned in the Past Month

As mentioned in my last post, I had a whirlwind of a month. It was emotionally stressful, and I was in an overthinking mode. But all’s well that ends well. Thankful to the universe for every little blessing.

With each unchartered experience, you learn something new. Lessons that overshadow the learnings of the past. Here are some things I realized in the past month alone.

Indian managers often act like robots when there is a personal crisis.

The bigwigs did not share any emotion when I gave my reasons for a leave request. No “hope your mother feels better soon” or “hope everything goes well.” What was I expecting? Humanity in the Indian corporate world is a myth. We preach on LinkedIn with the most quotable quotes, but actions prove otherwise.

For the top-level, nothing warrants a response unless it is related to work. In fact, I got dumped with more work and some uncalled-for criticisms on the day of my mother’s hospitalization, even if I had notified my issue well in advance. On that day, I must have thought about quitting at least 10 times. But keeping the robotic virtues aside, the company is quite good. And, of course, you have bills to pay. So you carry on.

After my mom’s heart procedure, a few colleagues asked how my mother was doing. The number of people from top-level management who enquired about her health? Zero. My stress was there for them to see. Yet, none cared.

People often tell you to keep your professional and personal lives apart. I follow and believe this to a large extent. Still, when someone is going through a tough time, I make it a point to provide some motivation, whether a junior or senior. My conscience does not let me rest otherwise.

It was alarming to see the level of indifference from senior managers. Is this what professionalism is all about? Killing your empathy? Another point to add to my An Ode to People Who Are Not CEOs post.

We are giving importance to the wrong things.

For most of our lives, we stress over trivial things – relationships, work disputes, earning more money, materialistic gains, etc. But all it takes is one medical emergency to see the true light – that nothing comes above health.

The last month was a major eye-opener for me. I learned that I should be thankful for each day for all the miracles it offers, no matter how small and no matter how insignificant it may seem to be. It also showed how important it is to keep our physical and mental health happy and stress-free. If I had to choose between peace and more money now, I would undoubtedly choose peace.

Most people will be unavailable.

The people you know will primarily be available only through words, phone calls, and social media messages. But very few will physically show up when you need support, including your siblings. Ultimately, you will have to deal with most of the things yourself. It doesn’t matter if you have a big family or a huge friendship circle; there will be a lot of routes you will have to navigate by yourself. It will be overwhelming and frustrating, but that’s just how life is. You live. You learn.

Regular medical checkups and second opinions are important.

In India, we do not prioritize our health. Many do not have health insurance, especially older people, because it is expensive. We do not get annual health checkups done. This needs to change.

It was during my mother’s regular health checkup that we spotted a variation in her ECG. The doctor did not take it seriously. He declared it as anxiety and aging and told us to let it go. Big mistake. We should have asked for a second opinion.

Always treat minor variations in your tests with great seriousness, especially if you have a family history of heart disease or genetic disorders. Always get a second opinion.

Social media can be deceptive.

In the past month, I did not reveal anywhere online that I was stressed (except for this blog which is unknown to many). I posted memes as usual because it was a form of escapism for me. It might be the same for many others. Things might just be an act. Never take social media too seriously. There might be a lot happening behind the scenes.

Korean drama is like medicine.

When you are having a stressful day, there is nothing like a good Korean drama to melt your worries away. This is important because it made me realize how feel-good entertainment is sorely lacking nowadays. Stuff that people like me can relax to and feel a bit better at the end of the day, even if the emotion is superficial.

Almost all movies and tv shows are dark and serious, with the focus being on realism. Why aren’t there more light-hearted, feel-good, clean, romantic stuff? Looking at you, Indian cinema. Enough of reality. Bring back the escapism.

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What Do I Miss the Most from Childhood?

Out of all the nostalgia-filled flashbacks showered upon me by this thing called “childhood,” the one I sorely miss is having fewer responsibilities.

When we were kids, someone was always taking care of our needs. You weren’t the one everyone turned to when it was decision-making time. You could let an adult take the burden. But now you are the adult (oh, the dread). And the baton of responsibility has been passed to you.

Adulthood robs you of that freedom to just be. You are now responsible for everyone and everything, including the people who brought you up.

I have had a whirlwind of a month. Running back and forth to hospitals in India and getting things sorted out for my mother. Sometimes, it gets a bit much, not the physical activity itself, but the mental stress of the unknown. You wish you could take a break from it for a while, so you can return to being a child to your parent again, not a parent to your parent.

Though I have a sibling, she is settled outside the country. Honestly, sometimes, I am envious of her. She is blissfully unaware of many things that can only be witnessed in person – a thoughtful pause from the doctor after seeing the report, the concerned look on relatives’ faces, and the resulting panic mode. She gets to hear only words, whereas I have to witness stress-inducing body language. I am not bitter, just exhausted, mentally tired, and wishing I had my sibling around to share the responsibility with.

Sometimes, you feel alone in this journey called life, even if you have a family. However, you pull yourself together and say, “I’ve got this.” You learn to flow with the flow with blinders on and see where it takes you.

Often, after testing times, you look at yourself with awe over how you managed to pull through the muck. Challenging situations warrant bravery. It comes out of you automatically; you know the only way is forward. It is nerve-wracking but also educational. You stop thinking about petty things, and all your mental resources are made to focus on the issue at hand. After some tears, things settle eventually. It becomes your new normal. This is how you enter a new uncomfortable phase in life.

In your 40s, you will go through many moments like these, especially when your parents are aging. It’s tough when you witness them encountering the symptoms of their system slowing down a notch. You wonder why you stressed over less-important things like failed relationships, exams, and flippant comments from coworkers when you could have been grateful for all those days you spent with your loved ones in good health. We take the good things for granted and fret over the wrong stuff.

Right now, I have to realign myself into thinking each day is a blessing because I have my loved ones around. To appreciate things for how they are without dwelling on the past or future is not easy. Still, experience has the knack of drilling that lesson into you in the most unsuspecting manner.

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An Ode to 36 Thought-Provoking Quotes from The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari

The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari needs no introduction. The book shares a treasure trove of ideas, concepts, and mental wellness gems we could do well to absorb. As the world progresses towards increased capitalism, we have forgotten to take care of our core emotional needs in the pursuit of fulfilling our materialistic ones. We have become workaholics with no work-life balance. Robin Sharma drills down the fact that work is important, but so is life. If you don’t take care of your health and happiness now, then when? Certainly not after you retire, the age your bank account is filled with money, but your energy becomes bankrupt.

Without further ado, here are some of my favorite thought-provoking quotes from the book. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

My dad said it best when he said, “John, on your deathbed you will never wish you spent more time at the office.”

To live life to the fullest, you must stand guard at the gate of your garden (mind) and let only the very best information enter.

There is no such thing as objective reality or ‘the real world.’ There are no absolutes. The face of your greatest enemy might be the face of my finest friend. An event that appears to be a tragedy to one might reveal the seeds of unlimited opportunity to another. What really separates people who are habitually upbeat and optimistic from those who are consistently miserable is how the circumstances of life are interpreted and processed.

From struggle comes strength. Even pain can be a wonderful teacher. Or to put it another way, how can you really know the joy of being on the summit of the mountain unless you have first visited the lowest valley.

Stop judging events as either positive or negative. Rather, simply experience them, celebrate them and learn from them.

The secret of happiness is simple: find out what you truly love to do and then direct all of your energy towards doing it. If you study the happiest, healthiest, most satisfied people of our world, you will see that each and every one of them has found their passion in life, and then spent their days pursuing it. This calling is almost always one that, in some way, serves others.

Saying that you don’t have time to improve your thoughts and your life is like saying you don’t have time to stop for gas because you are too busy driving. Eventually it will catch up with you.

Your self-image affects the way you feel, act and achieve. If your self-image tells you that you are too young to be a successful lawyer or too old to change your habits for the better, you never will achieve these goals. If your self-image tells you that lives rich with purpose, excellent health and happiness are only for people from backgrounds other than your own, this prophecy will ultimately become your reality.

There is nothing noble about being superior to some other person. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self.

Never get into the petty habit of measuring your self-worth against other people’s net worth.

Every second you spend thinking about someone else’s dreams you take time away from your own.

People who study others are wise but those who study themselves are enlightened.

The Chinese define image in these terms: there are three mirrors that form a person’s reflection; the first is how you see yourself, the second is how others see you and the third mirror reflects the truth. Know yourself. Know the truth.

My point is this: never do anything because you have to. The only reason to do something is because you want to and because you know it is the right thing for you to do.

Never be reluctant to ask even the most basic of questions. Questions are the most effective method of eliciting knowledge.

Happiness comes through good judgment, good judgment comes through experience, and experience comes through bad judgment.

The ten-minute period before you sleep and the ten-minute period after you wake up are profoundly influential on your subconscious mind. Only the most inspiring and serene thoughts should be programmed into your mind at those times.

Focus only on your priorities, those activities that are truly meaningful. Your life will be uncluttered, rewarding and exceptionally peaceful.

When spider webs unite, they tie up a lion.

This is the mantra I suggest you repeat at least thirty times a day: ‘I am more than I appear to be, all the world’s strength and power rests inside me.’ It will manifest profound changes in your life.

Few things are as meaningful as being a part of your children’s childhood. What is the point of climbing the steps of success if you have missed the first steps of your own kids? What good is owning the biggest house on your block if you have not taken the time to create a home? What is the use of being known across the country as a red-hot trial lawyer if your kids don’t even know their father?

Life doesn’t always give you what you ask for, but it always gives you what you need.

An addiction to distraction is the death of your creative production.

When you go after what you want, with love and wild abandon, you tap into the energy that created the stars and the seas. A kind of magic begins to enter your life and things happen that defy your comprehension. Signs start to appear, suggesting that you are on the right track.

Yes, make plans and set goals. Work hard and go for what you desire. That’s part of being a responsible person — it is true that setting intentions does make many of them come to life. But hold on to your plans and goals with a very loose grip. Often, the universe will send you a treasure in an unexpected package.

One of the most enduring of all the ancient laws of humanity is that we see the world not as it is, but as we are.

Too many potentially soaring lives are degraded and defeated by an attraction to busyness rather than a monomaniacal focus around what matters most.

No idea works for someone unwilling to do the work.

To have the results only 5 percent of the population have, do what 95 percent of society is unwilling to do.

If you do not know who you are and what it is you truly want to be, then how can you recognize and seize your destiny when it presents itself to you? Know yourself and your destiny will find you. Clarity precedes mastery.

Your wounds can be turned into your wisdom. Your stumbling blocks can become your stepping stones if you choose. Do not miss the remarkable opportunity that adversity and even tragedy presents. Your life can be made even better by the things that break your heart.

The more deeply we know ourselves, the more we can make authentic choices to make the leadership journey back home to the place that we have always known, at our core, we have wanted to be. In the Greco-Roman temples of the past, above the entrance one would often find the following words: “Know thyself and you will know the secrets of the universe and the gods.”

Once and for all stop being so hard on yourself. You are a human being and human beings have been designed to make mistakes. Coming to the realization that we all make mistakes and that they are essential to our growth and progress is liberating.

Life’s simplest pleasures are life’s best ones.

Saying things we don’t really mean becomes a habit when we practice it long enough. The real problem is that when you don’t keep your word, you lose credibility. When you lose credibility, you break the bonds of trust. And breaking the bonds of trust ultimately leads to a string of broken relationships. Say what you mean and mean what you say. This simple practice will have powerful results.

A problem only becomes a problem when seen as a problem.

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