Dating as a Divorced Woman

I recently watched Jovita George’s “Dating After Divorce” video on YouTube. First of all, kudos to her for creating such a video. This kind of content is still not very common, and many women, especially in the Malayalee community, hesitate to talk openly about their divorce stories. So seeing Jovita share her experience really impressed me. It has also motivated me to talk about my own journey with relationships (and also friendships) after divorce. So here goes.

Lessons and Red Flags

I will start not with relationships, but with the judgments you face as a divorced woman.

This may not be everyone’s experience, but after my divorce, I often sensed a certain judgment from people around me, not always from my male friends, but from the women in their lives.

For example, a male friend’s wife suddenly became suspicious of me, as if divorced women are seen as people who “prey” on married men. No one says it openly, but the distrust in their eyes makes it obvious. This was especially frustrating because I have always been careful around married men, even those who were flirtatious. I never encouraged them as I was always mindful of what their wife would feel. Yet society is quick to judge a woman the moment a man interacts with her.

It also became clear that many men, both married and unmarried, see a divorced woman as “easy.” They approach you often for casual fun. “Friends with Benefits.” Because you are deemed as someone who’s not serious about relationships, because you chose to “throw away” a marriage. It feels sad, but it happens.

This stereotype gets even stronger because of how movies and dramas show divorced women. They’re often portrayed as someone trying to break another woman’s marriage — the evil, overly glamorous vamp who cares only about herself. You hardly ever see a divorced woman on screen who’s just like anyone else, someone who wants warmth, kindness, and love.

So a divorced woman who wants something serious needs to stay alert and filter out these shallow bonds.

Finding Love Again After Divorce

I eventually got into a long, serious relationship. We met through mutual friends, and at first it felt promising. But it soon went downhill. I realised he was never truly serious. And the reason was my divorce status. That hit hard. It felt like he was embarrassed by who I was.

That’s something divorced women should watch out for — a man can say he’s serious, but you only know the truth when his actions match his words.

The gaslighting made it even worse. He made me think I shouldn’t feel the way I did, even when I felt disrespected. It was mentally draining, yet I held on because I wanted the relationship to work. His anger and verbal jabs made me anxious, and over time, they chipped away at my confidence.

When that relationship ended, I was shattered. I had loved him despite all the red flags. But the truth was hard to face — I don’t think he even saw me as a friend. There was no warmth, no respect. It’s tough to process that after all the compromises you make.

That experience changed me. It made me far more cautious about getting into a relationship again.

Slow and Steady

After that, I met someone by chance. A divorced man, part of my school group. He’s someone just as cautious as I am, so we take things slow. Both of us carry scars from our past. Probably why we’re kind to each other. Even when we fight, we stay respectful. That matters a lot to me, considering my past hasn’t been so kind. He feels like home because he is steady and respectful. Still, after what I went through, a part of me wonders how long it will last, even though we’ve been together for years now.

We’re not chasing marriage. We just want respect and companionship. How long this will last, I really don’t know. When you’ve seen bad relationships, there’s always that little voice saying good times don’t last. He could be the one, or maybe not. Time will decide.

So this is what dating after divorce has been like for me.

And here’s a reminder for divorced women — other people’s judgments only hurt when you believe them yourself. Don’t bring yourself down just to fit their expectations.

***

Photo by Rina Mayer

Amazon Prime Spotlight: The Girlfriend

The Girlfriend Poster

I watched The Girlfriend because most of my married (girl) friends praised it. After seeing it, I understood why. The story includes the classic “evil mother-in-law” angle, which many of them may relate to on some level.

What’s It About?

A psycho (but beautiful) real estate agent meets her boyfriend’s equally psycho (but rich) mother, which kickstarts a gruelling, intense face-off between two psychos.

Thoughts

I found the series average, probably because I’ve watched so many psychological thrillers in my 40+ years that nothing feels new anymore. But women in my age group seemed to love it.

I suspect it’s because the show portrays the partner’s mother as nauseatingly interfering, exactly how many wives and girlfriends see that figure in their lives – an overbearing presence who threatens their relationship.

To me, both sides, my female friends and their mothers-in-law, seem equally psycho, so watching that dynamic as an outsider feels different. And the guy is just there, unable to take sides. If you’re not in that sort of relationship, the series may not hook you as much. But for someone who’s personally caught in that kind of power struggle, the series would definitely hit harder.

I found the personality arcs of Cherry and Laura interesting. They keep going after each other, yet in many ways, they are alike. When you look at it more closely, it feels as if they are really battling a version of themselves.

The Girlfriend is now streaming on Amazon Prime Video. The series has six episodes, with each one running for about 50 minutes.

Movie Review: Param Sundari

Param Sundari Movie Poster

When my mother heard Janhvi Kapoor speak Malayalam in Param Sundari, she said, “That’s how Tamilians in Kerala speak.” So I’m guessing Janhvi’s character in Param Sundari is meant to be Tamilian. She does say a line in Tamil at the beginning, which might be the clue.

Still, it’s odd that her ammavan (Renji Panicker) speaks flawless Malayalam, while his son Venu, who grew up in Kerala, speaks Malayalam with a Tamilian accent. Not exactly consistent. Maybe he picked it up from his best friend, Janhvi’s character?

You will have to make similar conclusions and cook up your own stories to stay at peace with several things in the movie.

What’s It About?

Param, a wealthy start-up enthusiast, heads to Kerala to prove to his father that his newly funded dating app is worth the investment. At a resort there, he meets Sundari, and a love story quietly begins to unfold.

Thoughts

If you ignore the stereotypes, the sardar friend’s racist jokes, and the painfully bad Malayalam, it’s actually not such a bad movie. The first word that catches you off guard is when they pronounce Alappuzha as “Aalapozi.” I’m not sure if it was intentional. But yeah, leave behind your brain while watching this one.

The real star, of course, is Kerala. My state has been beautifully captured from start to finish. So, kudos to the filmmakers for that.

Janhvi looks lovely and delivers a stronger performance than Sidharth Malhotra. He also looks way older than her in the movie.

Param Sundari is streaming on Amazon Prime Video.

From 26/11 to Delhi Blasts: Why the “False Flag” Narrative Must End in India

What surprises me more than the terror attacks in India is the speed with which some Indians dismiss them as “false flag operations.” For instance, a look at the comments under Faye D’Souza’s Instagram post about the Delhi terror blasts shows several users mocking the incident and blaming the Indian government instead of the perpetrators. Many genuinely seem to believe it’s a political ploy to influence votes rather than an act of terror.

The “false flag” narrative isn’t new. It has surfaced after nearly every major terror attack in India. Even the 26/11 Mumbai attacks were, at first, misrepresented by some as an internal operation. The claim gained attention mainly because Ajmal Kasab, one of the attackers, wore a saffron thread on his wrist. Those spreading the theory strangely assumed such a thread could only belong to members of BJP or RSS. They overlooked the possibility that it might have been deliberately used to mislead investigators.

Ajmal Kasab with Saffron Thread on His Wrist
Ajmal Kasab with Saffron Thread on His Wrist

Kasab’s real plan, as later revealed, was to die appearing as a “Hindu” and thus shift suspicion away from Pakistan-based handlers, reinforcing the myth of “saffron terror.” Thankfully, due to the extraordinary courage and sacrifice of Assistant Sub-Inspector Tukaram Omble, Kasab was captured alive and later confessed to being a Pakistani national trained by terrorists.

Tukaram Omble and Mumbai 26/11 Attacks
Tukaram Omble

By then, however, the false-flag theory had already gained widespread circulation. Well-known public figures even released a book titled 26/11: RSS ki Saazish? that promoted the “false flag” theory surrounding the attacks.

Influential Figures Promoting RSS ki Saazish Book
Influential Indian Figures Promoting “26/11: RSS ki Saazish?” Book

The “false flag” narrative resurfaced after the Pulwama terror attack, when a suicide bomber from Jaish-e-Mohammed (JeM) drove an explosive-laden vehicle into a CRPF convoy in Pulwama, Jammu & Kashmir, killing 40 soldiers. Following the attack, some voices in Pakistan, including senior officials, suggested that India might have staged the incident to influence the upcoming 2019 elections. Commentators in India echoed similar theories online, framing the tragedy as politically motivated rather than acknowledging it as an act of cross-border terrorism.

Then came the recent Pahalgam attacks, where Pakistani media outlets and online commentators claimed that India had staged the incident to divert attention from domestic issues and influence elections. They described it as part of an alleged “Indian playbook” of false-flag operations. Soon after, similar talking points appeared in sections of Indian social media and commentary spaces.

In each case, claims of “false flag operations” lacked credible evidence and were primarily rooted in conspiracy theories first circulated in Pakistan and later amplified by certain opinion groups in India.

The Global “False Flag” Obsession

It’s worrying that many people in India tend to believe external narratives about terror attacks rather than trusting verified investigations at home.

This pattern might have been up for serious debate if it only happened locally, but the deflection from religious extremism appears to be a global trend. To cite a few examples:

  • The 9/11 attacks are still viewed by some as a “false flag” orchestrated by the U.S. or Israel to malign Muslims. This is a theory long disproved but still used by extremist groups to recruit followers. They thrive on anger, convincing vulnerable minds that violence is the only response to perceived oppression. In India, extremist recruiters have similarly exploited stories like the Babri Masjid while dismissing events like the Godhra train burning as conspiracies, weaving grievance into a tool for radicalization.
  • The October 7 attacks in Israel were also met with widespread conspiracy claims, framed as a false flag operation meant to discredit certain groups.
  • Likewise, criticism of regimes such as Iran’s leadership, the Taliban, or Hamas is often dismissed as Western propaganda. This is another form of deflection that prevents honest introspection.

Conspiracies Shield Extremists

It’s time to move past the overused “false flag” narrative.

Each time a terror attack is dismissed as a conspiracy, it insults the victims, weakens trust, and blurs the line between truth and propaganda. These baseless claims don’t protect anyone. They only embolden extremists and deepen divisions.

Real courage and national unity will come from confronting facts, condemning violence without bias, and demanding accountability from those who spread hate, no matter where it comes from.

Ending the false flag obsession is the first step toward restoring integrity in how we respond to terrorism.

Short Film Spotlight: Anuja

Anuja Short Film Poster

I was craving to watch a slice-of-life drama. Something simple, not too heavy or filled with dread. I honestly thought Anuja would be intense, given how the synopsis sounded. Plus, it’s a Hindi short film that was an Academy Award nominee.

Now, why would I mention the Academy Award nomination like it’s a bad thing? I have my reasons.

To be honest, Oscar nominees have rarely worked for me. In Malayalam, we call such films “award padam.” The kind that feels too abstract or complex for ordinary viewers (like yours truly). There was a time in my life, long ago, when I pretended to enjoy such films just to seem intellectual in front of my then-partner. But I couldn’t keep up the act, and that image fell apart the moment that relationship ended. Now, it seems I’m making up for that lost time. All I want to watch are feel-good films.

So when I saw that Anuja was an Oscar nominee, it didn’t excite me enough to hit play right away. It actually made me hesitate. After all, the Oscars have a reputation for picking Indian films that focus on pain and poverty, what many call “poverty porn,” which does not fully represent what India is today.

Still, I decided to give it a chance.

What’s It About?

A 9-year-old girl works with her sister in a garment factory in India. Despite being naturally bright and curious, she doesn’t attend school because of financial struggles. And, truthfully, she doesn’t want to either. Her elder sister, however, recognizes her potential and dreams of giving her the education she deserves.

Thoughts

The film was a pleasant surprise. I loved it. It was just 22 minutes, but packed with emotions.

It tells the story of child labourers. They are presented not as helpless victims, but as resilient children who find joy even in hardship. The truth is, we often see others through our own lens and may view them as “helpless.” But for them, this is simply life. They know no other kind of life, and they’re doing their best with what they have. That’s what the movie captures so beautifully — life as they see it, not as we do.

It’s a social hierarchy. Someone wealthier might be looking at me with pity, thinking I’m suffering. Yet I’m making the most of what I have, because that’s the life I know. We suffer mostly when we lose something we once had, when we can compare the before and after, and we truly miss the before.

I’ve often felt that those not well-off often make the best of what little they have, which is why they find happiness in the smallest things, like a bag of jalebi, for instance. Anuja captures that spirit beautifully: “The present may not be bright, but we can strive for a better tomorrow.

The film avoids moral preaching or lecturing. It’s simply about two sisters supporting each other in a harsh world.

The most moving part of the film is that Sajda Pathan, who plays Anuja, was once a child labourer in Delhi before being rescued by the Salaam Baalak Trust (SBT). She now lives at the NGO’s Day Care Center, founded in 1988 by filmmaker Mira Nair, who, interestingly, is also the mother of New York’s new Mayor, Zohran Mamdani.

Ananya Shanbhag also delivers an excellent performance as the elder sister, Palak.

I would definitely recommend the short film. Anuja is streaming on Netflix.

Horror Movie Spotlight: Diés Iraé

Dies Irae Movie Poster

Like many, I found the movie’s name, Diés Iraé, tricky to pronounce. I’m quite sure I’m still saying it wrong. But the offbeat name adds to its charm. For those who don’t know, Diés Iraé is Latin for “Day of Wrath.” It’s a term from Christian theology referring to the day when souls are judged.

The first time I heard about Diés Iraé was when I went to watch Lokah. The trailer of the movie immediately captured my attention. The execution looked stylish, and Pranav Mohanlal looked good. I knew then that I had to watch this movie in a theatre.

What’s It About?

A young, wealthy man who lives life to the fullest begins experiencing strange supernatural events in his home after visiting the house of an ex-fling who was found dead in a well. The restless spirit haunting him seems furious for unknown reasons and determined to destroy his life.

Thoughts

Since Diés Iraé is a horror film, only adults were allowed inside the theatre. An ID card was required. The theatre I went to was almost empty, which I actually didn’t mind. It meant no one was around to make unwanted comments or jokes. This has become a real problem in many Kerala theatres. I faced this issue when I went to watch Bramayugam. I hope the film industry or theatre authorities take strict action against such behavior. If they want to attract more viewers, they must ensure a respectful environment. Otherwise, serious movie lovers will simply wait for the OTT release and enjoy the film peacefully at home.

Getting back to Diés Iraé, I wouldn’t call it mind-blowing. The special effects were impressive, though. Nothing looked fake or unintentionally funny. Pranav Mohanlal delivered a decent performance, and he looked great on screen, which helped balance out a few of his less convincing moments.

There are a few jump scares, so be prepared for that.

Overall, the story felt average. If you’ve seen a lot of horror films, this one might not surprise or scare you much. Still, the execution was solid, and the fact that a film of this scale and quality came from Kerala is definitely something to be proud of.

The creepiest part was seeing the line “inspired by true events.” I didn’t dare look up what those events were. Some things are better left unresearched if you want to sleep peacefully at night.

I would say Diés Iraé is a good one-time watch. At under two hours, it’s a quick and engaging film that keeps you entertained throughout.