An Ode to Beloved Indian Witches

I was surprised when I learned Wicca is openly practised in India.

Till then, I had only read about it in blogs written by people in the U.S.

Witches are just like ordinary people, blending in seamlessly with society. They don’t ride broomsticks or cast spells on unsuspecting individuals. The real ones tell you not to use the universal energy for negative agendas – “It will hit you back,” they warn. This differs from the stereotypical witches in movies and television dramas, who are portrayed as evil and adept at spewing words of hatred.

As I went through articles and posts by real witches advocating for the principle of “Do no bad to others,” I couldn’t help but notice the similarity to the teachings of practitioners of more mainstream religions who promote similar values. I often wonder if we are all indeed praying collectively to the same energy. Even a book on atheism, The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, does not negate the power of nature and its mystical ways.

Personally, it’s gratifying to know that we all are more united than we think we are – not divided by religion, caste, or community. We are one, all seeking the same things in life – hoping to be heard, protected, and blessed by a higher energy to navigate life more smoothly. The possibility that we must all be asking favors from the same being, using different names, is a heady feeling. It erases any semblance of boundaries. It assures you that humanity is above all. If more individuals shared this perspective, the divisive “us vs. them” mentality could diminish, allowing us to function from a unified standpoint.

I read about Ipsita Roy Chakraverti in a local newspaper. I was mindblown by the fact that a witch existed in India. Such things are usually kept secret in a conservative country like mine, but here was a woman who was unabashedly vocal about her practice and teachings. It was then I learned that Ipsita has authored many books on witchcraft. I decided to try “Beloved Witch” as curiosity got the better of me.

Ipsita is different from other witches in the sense that she does not shy away from promoting her powers. She’s not modest and understands her worth, which is why you often see her showering herself with compliments in the book.

I found it refreshing that Ipsita encourages you to use the all-encompassing universal energy for your own greedy benefits but warns you to be prepared for repercussions. She does not say, “Don’t do this.” Instead, she says, “Do it. But whatever happens after that is your responsibility.” So basically, she’s like a parent telling her young ones to seek adventure, giving them the liberty to learn from their own mistakes.

Now that I am done with my views on the subject, I am going to present some of my favorite thought-provoking quotes and anecdotes from Ipsita’s book. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

The earth is a great storehouse of energy. Merge with that source he told me, and you shall be whatever you wish to be.

She’ll flick some ash off from her cigarette (no, smoking is not permitted in the chalet, but she’ll sneak around the garden shed and wink at us). As the ash plops down and crumbles away, she’ll say, ‘That’s worldly fame for you. Fun while it lasts but don’t count on it to be around. Besides, it leaves a bad taste in the mouth.’

The following quote is what I had blogged about previously. It was after writing the post that I read this book, so it was a pleasant surprise for me to see those thoughts come to life in print.

Somehow, eastern yoginis never ‘flew’ but western witches were supposed to ride the broom over hill and dale. I have often wondered about this. And this is what I have discovered. What did the broom symbolize? It stood for hearth and home to which a woman was tied by male domination. As she ‘flew’ away on it, it meant that she was breaking the bonds. It symbolized her freedom. It might as well have been a flying carpet.

Colourful stories abounded about how a long-suffering wife would fly away into the night on this piece of domestic bondage, while her husband slept snugly unaware in his bed. She would revel all night long under the moon and return only at dawn to sweep the hearth with the very broom which had carried her off to her secret trysts.

It has been said that witches were women who were never afraid to ‘fly’. Maybe that is why they had to be burnt.

Women, strong, beautiful or independent minded were called witches so that they could be eliminated. The men who tortured and burnt innocent women in medieval Europe, live on in other places, in different guises. Witch-hunting never stopped. It just took on a more deceptive mask.

Of course, in my experience with thousands of women who have come to me for help, I would say that every strong woman is a witch and she is always hunted. It goes against the nature of most men to tolerate a woman they cannot dominate.

Witch-hunting is present not only in rural Bengal, Bihar, Orissa, Uttar Pradesh or Madhya Pradesh. It prevails everywhere in the world where women stand up for themselves and what they believe in. It is there whenever women refuse to be the pawns or playthings of a callous society. Who is a witch? Or more important, what does she do? As she is a Wiccan, it would be fair to say that she practises Wicca or wiccecraefte or the skills of the wise. She was the original wise woman, the shaman, the healer, the counsellor, the lawyer, the stateswoman of her community. Her power became a threat to men, to organised religion — and hence the persecution, the witch-hunts and the slander.

‘Dr Radhakrishnan, do people in our country work best when they are shouted at or spoken to with sarcasm?’ I asked. He smiled that famous smile of his. Serene, indulgent and amused. ‘Yes, I think three hundred years of servitude have taken their toll. The Indian mind wants and needs love, compassion and understanding but has been weakened by fear. Hence it reacts the most quickly to harshness for that is what it fears. You see, our people have had to put up with so many masters, that even now we understand only the language of compulsion.’

Manifestation and visualization are concepts endorsed by a lot of people, including yours truly. As made clear from the following quote, it is practised in witchcraft as well.

Visualization of what you desire is an important part of every Wiccan ritual.

I hated the thought of my parents making a will because it implied that one day I would be on my own on this planet. And if I was capable of love, they were the only ones I did love. Wills also confirm the worst in human nature. It makes one realize that without legal documents and safeguards, people are vile, greedy and corrupt. There is something very sad in this realization.

‘I agree with Nietzsche about what the free spirit needs. It abhors habits and rules. Everything which goes on and on.’

‘But can marriage become stifling then?’ I asked her. ‘I suppose it can, to certain natures. Such a nature, even if it marries, needs space. You know, don’t you, that Nietzsche compared marriage to a spider’s web. Finally, the threads become traps. That is why, after a time, the spider stuck in the middle, painfully tears apart the mesh enclosing him, even though it will suffer from the wounds — because it must tear these threads off itself, away from its body, away from its soul. It must learn to hate where it used to love and vice versa.’

Wicca was not a dark and sinister practice, it was above board and publicly practised for anybody to check and experience. I proved it to the country. I also brought back the ancient science of quartz therapy to India. Wicca showed the way, once the path had been cleared.

Amongst the men, a very famous Wiccan was said to be none other than Robin Hood. He lived in the green woods, a lover of nature. He had around him a coven of twelve members, he being the thirteenth. He was certainly anti-establishment and fought against all forms of exploitation of the poor and helpless. He was also against organized religion. The woods were his church.

The power seekers wanted control in their own hands. Control over the populace, control over laws and governance. Those with independent, free thinking ways and minds, were a threat. Hence the persecution of Wiccans. Specially if they were women. They became the ‘evil witches’ who always tried to harm people, specially children. Folklore and fairy tales abounded equating witchery with wickedness.

What is wicked? Evil is so relative. What is wrong today, may not be considered so tomorrow. Besides right and wrong are such personal, individual things. I have always set my own standards, keeping only one thing in mind. I do not willingly and purposefully harm another in body, mind or spirit. I do not initiate mischief.

Life was the greatest school, the best laboratory for the most interesting experiments with the human species.Look at them, listen to them, mingle with them and learn.

So is there a heaven where you go if you have been ‘good’? I think we make our own heavens (and hells?) right here — and we continue living in them with those we want near, even after we pass on from our physical bodies.

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Photo by Bayram Musayev

What Do I Miss the Most from Childhood?

Out of all the nostalgia-filled flashbacks showered upon me by this thing called “childhood,” the one I sorely miss is having fewer responsibilities.

When we were kids, someone was always taking care of our needs. You weren’t the one everyone turned to when it was decision-making time. You could let an adult take the burden. But now you are the adult (oh, the dread). And the baton of responsibility has been passed to you.

Adulthood robs you of that freedom to just be. You are now responsible for everyone and everything, including the people who brought you up.

I have had a whirlwind of a month. Running back and forth to hospitals in India and getting things sorted out for my mother. Sometimes, it gets a bit much, not the physical activity itself, but the mental stress of the unknown. You wish you could take a break from it for a while, so you can return to being a child to your parent again, not a parent to your parent.

Though I have a sibling, she is settled outside the country. Honestly, sometimes, I am envious of her. She is blissfully unaware of many things that can only be witnessed in person – a thoughtful pause from the doctor after seeing the report, the concerned look on relatives’ faces, and the resulting panic mode. She gets to hear only words, whereas I have to witness stress-inducing body language. I am not bitter, just exhausted, mentally tired, and wishing I had my sibling around to share the responsibility with.

Sometimes, you feel alone in this journey called life, even if you have a family. However, you pull yourself together and say, “I’ve got this.” You learn to flow with the flow with blinders on and see where it takes you.

Often, after testing times, you look at yourself with awe over how you managed to pull through the muck. Challenging situations warrant bravery. It comes out of you automatically; you know the only way is forward. It is nerve-wracking but also educational. You stop thinking about petty things, and all your mental resources are made to focus on the issue at hand. After some tears, things settle eventually. It becomes your new normal. This is how you enter a new uncomfortable phase in life.

In your 40s, you will go through many moments like these, especially when your parents are aging. It’s tough when you witness them encountering the symptoms of their system slowing down a notch. You wonder why you stressed over less-important things like failed relationships, exams, and flippant comments from coworkers when you could have been grateful for all those days you spent with your loved ones in good health. We take the good things for granted and fret over the wrong stuff.

Right now, I have to realign myself into thinking each day is a blessing because I have my loved ones around. To appreciate things for how they are without dwelling on the past or future is not easy. Still, experience has the knack of drilling that lesson into you in the most unsuspecting manner.

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Photo by Pixabay

Is Comfort Zone a Place or an Emotion?

We are often encouraged to venture out of our comfort zones, push our boundaries and limits, and embrace the unknown. People say that’s where the real growth happens. I concur. Subjecting ourselves to new experiences is a sure-shot way to fuel personal development. Having a routine in place may or may not be detrimental, depending on the kind of person you are. Some people crave a time-tabled life, whereas others need a change every minute of the day.

We often try to stretch our comfort zones by altering our lives, such as starting a new job, relocating, trying novel exercises, or exploring new locations. These are primarily physical adjustments — you cajole your body into taking up these unaccustomed, exciting external goals to nourish your soul. But what about internal comfort zones? Are we open-minded enough to set aside the prejudices we have collected subconsciously over the years?

Mental transformation is unarguably more challenging than physical. Any change starts with the mind, even the physical. Encouraging yourself to expand your corporeal boundaries is often more fruitful than attempting to alter your thought process. It takes determination to discard years of conditioning, escape the chains of our preconceived notions, and declare, “Okay, I see and acknowledge this new way of living, even if it’s unfamiliar territory.” Personally, I find such people incredibly attractive. Their willingness to listen is commendable and praise-worthy. Yet, we don’t see it happen much.

Why are some people more flexible than others when it comes to accepting new ideas and ways of life, welcoming them wholeheartedly as if they were privy to this knowledge all along?

I would like to highlight one sector in particular to make my point: the Hindi movie industry. It is intriguing to observe how professionals evolve to keep up with the changing times. In the Indian series Gulmohar, an effervescent Sharmila Tagore, a senior citizen, plays a character that most in her cohort would have found blasphemous. Similarly, the iconic Madhuri Dixit portrays a determined mother in Maja Ma, traditional in some facets yet unconventional in others. A role many of her peers would have been unwilling to take on. Among the male actors, we have the young multifaceted Ayushmann Khurrana, renowned for taking up any daring character that comes his way. We have actors and actresses across age groups willing to change with the times. But these are just the minority. Most are reluctant to play characters who belong to the LGBTQIA+ community. Ranbir Kapoor, who’s within my age demographic, admitted in an interview a while back, during Shamshera‘s promotions, that he’s not brave enough to take up such roles.

Moving out of our emotional comfort zones is not age-dependent, as you can see. It requires a willingness to listen, understand, and acknowledge.

It is common to find friends and relatives who struggle to accept new ways of the world with its pressing issues simply because they find them unrelatable. They deny support despite knowing our backing may prove meaningful or pertinent to the intended group.

The most humane thing one can do is listen to the experiences and feelings of others and try to see things from their perspective without being judgmental. To sit with others’ thoughts for a while takes courage.

Sexuality is only one example. This rigidity in perceptions can be observed in a variety of scenarios. Conservatives look down upon women who wear clothes they consider vulgar. Feminists are thrashed because they are non-conformists. Men who display their emotions openly are often criticized by their peers and seen as inadequate to cope with daily tasks. Husbands who love PDA are called “hen-pecked.” We just have to take a look around to see the plethora of preconceived notions everyone, including you and I, are harboring.

The morality or behavioral police who preach righteousness are often people who have achieved much professional success in their respective fields by taking risks and boldly venturing beyond the boundaries of their concisely defined comfort zones. However, many refuse to embrace new lifestyles or cultural norms that challenge their convictions and emotional comfort. It is ironic to see them share inspirational videos about exceeding boundaries on social media when they themselves are not entirely free from the clutches of their comfort zones.

Sometimes it’s difficult to move away from what we have accepted so far as it’s an emotional state that we don’t want to let go of. Humans love their comfort zones — whether they be emotional or physical. An object at rest wants to continue being at rest. This theory is not just applicable physically but mentally as well. The discomfort of new fights, marches, debates, terminologies, laws, thoughts, and social media agitations build up our rage and make us criticize how the world is over-sensitive nowadays. Things are changing way too fast, and we can’t seem to keep up. It is overwhelmingly complex, and understandably so.

But whoever said we should accept the new all at once? Take it one at a time. Baby steps. Sit with the new, try to detach from the old, get acquainted with unfamiliar thoughts, ask questions (but kindly), and ruminate for a while. Give yourself time, as you deserve kindness too, to slowly break away from things you have treated as “home” until now.

But accept we should, if not immediately, maybe sometime in the future. To be a kinder person, less judgmental, and empathetic — traits that highlight growth as well. Acknowledging that change is a constant part of life and adapting to new ideas, beliefs, and perspectives is essential to becoming a well-rounded individual.

Shouldn’t we make a concerted effort to step outside our familiar settings, both in terms of our mindset and physical actions? Something to ponder as we continue to navigate the ever-changing world around us.

An Ode to Dr. Gabor Maté’s Insights on Healthy and Unhealthy Anger

Recently, I came across a video that provided an interesting perspective on anger. It featured Dr. Gabor Maté, a Hungarian-Canadian physician, providing key insights on healthy and unhealthy anger. The doctor himself had experienced a transformation that changed his outlook toward rage, and he uses this knowledge to help us understand the differences between constructive and destructive anger.

To quote him:

“If I were to infringe on your boundaries, either physically or emotionally, the healthy response for you is to mount an anger response,” No, get out, stay away.” That’s healthy. Healthy anger is in the moment. It protects your boundaries, and then it’s gone. It’s not necessary anymore. However, if you could not express it, it doesn’t disappear. It gets suppressed.”

In other words, he says healthy anger helps draw boundaries. Once you express your anger constructively or healthily, you step back. The incident ends there. It does no harm to the other but protects you from damage. However, this type is often misconstrued. People who go through this type of anger are often subjected to dialogues like “you are too sensitive” and “you are overthinking.” A form of gaslighting takes place to downplay the situation. When you are unable to express your anger constructively, or you were discouraged from doing so in your childhood, your feelings can become suppressed, potentially leading to you expressing your anger in a destructive manner later in life.

Here’s another interesting anecdote that he shared in his video, which goes against the typical “punch the pillow when you’re angry” technique:

“Just as healthy anger expresses itself, does its job, and then it’s gone, rage the more it explodes, the bigger it gets. That’s what happens to me. It doesn’t pass through me. Sorry no. I’ve worked with certain therapists who’ve said punch a pillow, express the rage, let it just pass through you like the wind. But that isn’t, in fact, what happens with me. And I know I’m not the only one. It actually magnifies and intensifies and extends this feeling because it recruits more brain circuits into its service.”

In short, he states that the more you indulge your anger without regulation, the more unmanageable it can become, unlike constructive anger.

The unhealthy kind is volatile. A person who goes through it cannot control himself or his words and expects us to sail through it. I have heard family members of people with unpredictable temperaments say with conviction, “That’s his only flaw. His partner will have to adjust to his anger.” “When she’s angry, step away.” This type of anger, which causes the most harm, is justified by the person and their family. Volatile people often blame the other person involved in the argument for “provoking” their anger. They use the same defense time and again to validate their own misdeeds. The worst thing I have heard such people say is, “But I cool down soon after I get angry, so it is not that bad.” This means they have no intention of correcting themselves, and it is a problem the people around them have to deal with. I am of the thought that unhealthy anger is the reason for most bad marriages. Even if only one partner struggles with anger management issues, it can still damage the relationship’s progression.

The ode here goes to “healthy anger.” Being nice all the time can earn you a lot of friends. However, it does not serve you well. Healthy anger helps you get out of a harmful situation, end bad marriages, friendships, or relationships, and confront anyone mistreating you. It enables you to take a stand. When you take this defense mechanism out of your life, you risk being treated as a doormat.

My anger nowadays is mostly healthy, and it comes up when I am pushed around or disrespected. I used to feel unhealthy anger in my younger days. But that behavior taught me it only harms the household and relationships.

I have also been subjected to unhealthy anger from some of my ex-partners. That was when I realized the destructive power of anger. It can affect someone’s mental and emotional well-being to the point of no return. I believe those exposed to rage regularly should seek therapy to help them feel balanced again.

Dr. Gabor Maté goes on to discuss why experiencing rage, which does not imply acting it out, is the way to process the harmful emotion. You sit with yourself, understand why you feel the way you do, and work effectively towards resolving it constructively instead of letting it out on the other person. He admits that he faced challenges in his marriage and with his kids due to his rage. I found his honesty refreshing because I believe the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Most hate to admit their imperfections and get defensive about them.

Anger management is something we must all learn and practice. Knowing when to be angry, how to express it, and how to calm ourselves down before it gets out of hand is vital to successfully taking control of our anger. If you are someone with destructive anger issues, work on improving yourself with the help of a therapist for the happiness of your family, friends, and people around you. Do not indulge those inner demons thinking they are untameable. They can very much be brought under control. But it requires your active participation.