Gen-Z Men Pursuing Older Women: What Is Going On?

One thing I have noticed about Gen-Z in India is that they are unhinged. I am not sure if it is the same case with Gen-Z around the world, but the ones in India truly seem to be. And no, I am not talking about student protests or anything political. I am talking about something much more personal.

As a 40+ unmarried woman, I have found myself being stared at by boys in their 20s while I am simply out and about. And interestingly, it is not the older men who are doing it. It is the younger ones, making their best attempts to lock eyes with me.

Apparently, according to what I keep seeing on social media, this is becoming a thing. There seems to be growing interest among younger men in dating significantly older women. Maybe it is a genuine preference. Maybe it is a fantasy. Maybe it is simply curiosity. From what I have read, many of these relationships don’t necessarily translate into long-term commitments, but the fact that younger men seem increasingly comfortable making their interest obvious is interesting in itself.

This changing scenario has resulted in books and movies exploring age-gap romances where the woman is older, like The Idea of You, as well as One & Only. One thing I’ve realised is that my mind is still not fully adapted to the idea of an age-gap romance. So when the lead characters make out, my first reaction is always, “OMG! But he’s just a kid!” Even when he’s actually a full-blown adult.

Now, getting to personal experiences. Recently, I mentioned my age to a boy in his 20s who simply wouldn’t look away.

His response?

“Age is just a number.”

So, apparently, that’s where we are now. Of course, this does not apply to all, because society at large age-shames women and finds older women unsuitable for relationships. But there is another part of this that I find much more interesting.

There is a very common, and frankly somewhat misogynistic, term for women who date significantly younger men: cougar.

Almost everyone knows the word. It has become so mainstream that you will find it casually used in movies, television, social media and everyday conversations.

But did you know there is a term for older men who pursue much younger women too?

Manther.

It is nowhere near as well known. In fact, I would bet that many people reading this have never heard the word before.

And that, in itself, says something about how we view relationships between older and younger people.

We are generally much more comfortable with men dating women who are 20 or 30 years younger, or even more. We rarely question it. “Love has no age,” we say.

Popular culture has reflected this dynamic for decades, with stories where an older man falls in love with a much younger woman being treated as perfectly normal, romantic or even aspirational.

But reverse the genders and suddenly the conversation changes.

An older woman with a younger man becomes a “cougar.” Her age becomes the focus. Her motives are questioned. She can be ridiculed, sexualized or shamed in a way that the older man in the equivalent relationship often isn’t.

And that brings me to something I genuinely wonder about.

How many people would actually be comfortable watching a mainstream movie where an older woman falls in love with a man 20 or 30 years younger than her, and the story treats their relationship with the same seriousness and romantic legitimacy usually given to an older man and a younger woman?

Would we call it a love story?

Or would we call her a cougar?

Maybe the younger generation really is changing some of these attitudes. Maybe the increased visibility of age-gap dating is slowly making older women dating younger men less unusual.

Or maybe we are simply becoming more comfortable talking about something that has always existed.

Either way, I find it fascinating that a 20-something can look at a woman in her 40s, hear her age, shrug and say, “Age is just a number.”

Perhaps Gen-Z really is unhinged.

Or perhaps they are just less bothered by rules that previous generations took for granted.

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Photo by Ron Lach

AI and Its Impending Doom (?)

Recently, Jacob Coxon, a safety researcher who resigned from Anthropic in September 2026, said that both Anthropic and Open AI were “gambling with our lives” by racing toward self-improving superintelligence. He warned that there is a strong chance unchecked progress in artificial intelligence could lead to human extinction by the end of this decade.

The “self-improving superintelligence” part immediately reminded me of a fictional story I read recently called My Friend Aaron by Rory McMeekin (Google it). It was published in August, and it has all the elements of a Black Mirror short story. After reading Coxon’s recent comments about AI safety and superintelligence, that story feels almost uncomfortably real.

As someone who has been working for 15+ years in IT and now uses AI extensively for research, work, and fun, I can understand why many people aren’t taking these warnings from AI experts too seriously. Millennials have heard similar criticisms before, although about different technologies.

A few years back, AI for me at work basically meant Grammarly. It would automatically detect and correct my grammar mistakes. But there was almost a sense of guilt attached to using it, especially with so many people online shaming those who relied on writing tools. Apparently, if we are writers, we should get everything right on our own.

But I am someone who is much more comfortable thinking quickly and writing as I think than writing slowly, consciously, and perfectly. So I found Grammarly to be the perfect companion. It would catch my mistakes when I was speeding up my writing. Yet I still felt like I was doing something wrong by using the app.

It was only after ChatGPT came along that using Grammarly somehow became the lesser sin.

Now, people say, “Don’t use ChatGPT. Use Grammarly for writing and correcting small mistakes.”

If we look at the history of technology, I think this has always been the norm. A new product or technology arrives, people criticize it, and there are predictions about how it is going to ruin society or even end humanity. We saw it with the internet. We saw it with computers. And now we are seeing it with artificial intelligence.

Then something newer and more powerful comes along, and the technology that was previously considered controversial suddenly becomes normal.

I wonder if online AI bots will eventually achieve the same acceptance when something even more advanced comes along. Maybe that will be robots that look and speak like humans. Maybe it will be something we can’t even imagine yet.

Only time can tell.

Technology is definitely moving at a pace that I couldn’t have imagined a few years ago. Things that seemed like science fiction are becoming part of everyday life, and the conversation around AI is changing almost as quickly as the technology itself.

I don’t think banning AI is the answer. AI tools are helping many people, including me, speed up their work and get things done more efficiently. At the same time, I understand the criticism that AI can also make people lazy.

The problem is not using AI itself. It is how we use it. There is a big difference between using AI as an “add-on” to your work, something that helps you speed up what you already know, and using it as a complete replacement for your own knowledge and thinking.

Where that line should be drawn is something technology experts will have to figure out. And, as ordinary users, it is something we will only understand better as AI continues to evolve.

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Photo by Pavel Danilyuk

The Butcher of Bosnia and the Illusion of Threat

I came across a news report about thousands of people attending the funeral of the man referred to as the “Butcher of Bosnia.” His name is Ratko Mladić. The report said that he was convicted of genocide for his role in the killing of more than 8000 mostly Muslim Bosniak men and boys in Srebrenica, Bosnia and Herzegovina. He died in prison at the age of 84 in August this year.

I was totally taken aback by this information and I had to look into why such a controversial figure is being considered a hero by many. I found that his supporters remember him as a military commander who defended their community against what they saw as “perceived threats” from Bosniak Muslims during the Bosnian War, which began in 1992.

I can’t help but notice a pattern here: violence is often justified nowadays by this very “perceived threat” – the belief that another community poses a threat to our existence, religion, culture, or way of life. Maybe this pattern has always been there, or maybe social media has simply made these attitudes much more visible.

Let’s take a look at some examples.

Israel’s ongoing conflict with Palestinians is framed by supporters of Israel around threats to its existence, while Palestinians and their supporters describe the consequences in terms of occupation, displacement, and violence against civilians.

Hitler is also being glorified on TikTok today, with his actions being presented through the deeply disturbing logic that he “helped eradicate” a community, Jews, whom they view as a threat to the world.

Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab are considered heroes by many because their actions are framed as acts of resistance against perceived threats or justified through a particular political narrative.

Savarkar is hated by many, even more strongly than some historical figures associated with mass violence, but he is also considered a hero by many who believe Hinduism and Hindu identity have been under threat.

I remember feeling absolute dread (a feeling of threat) when thousands attended Yakub Memon’s funeral in Mumbai.

And that is what makes this whole subject so uncomfortable.

Mourning, glorifying, or defending people who have done questionable things simply because they supposedly acted against “perceived threats to our existence” is becoming mainstream.

Closer to home, Hindus have attacked minorities in India because they believe their religion or cultural identity is under threat.

Christians in places like Tamil Nadu have also staged protests when public spaces in their area are used for festivals associated with other religions, with some viewing this as a threat to their own religious identity or traditions.

Then there are Kashmiri Pandits, who are being portrayed as a threat to the “culture” or “religion” of the land even when they are simply celebrating their festivals in a place with which they have a deep historical connection.

The circumstances are obviously different. But the underlying psychology is worth examining.

Once we convince ourselves that another community is an existential threat, almost anything can start being rationalised in the name of protecting our own.

And that leaves me wondering: who is going to do what next in the name of a “perceived threat”?

No community is completely free from this tendency, and no community can automatically claim moral superiority. Across religions, nationalities, ethnic groups, and political movements, people have at different points convinced themselves that their identity, culture, religion, or very existence is under threat.

Once “they are a threat” starts gaining ground, the question is no longer simply who is right or wrong. The question becomes how far people are willing to go to bring down or harm the people they have decided are the threat.

When Did Millennials Get So Serious?

So I’m in my 40s now, and one thing I’ve noticed lately is just how serious many of my peers have become.

Of course, the reason is obvious – life happened. Careers happened. Marriage, kids, ageing parents, bills, responsibilities… they all have a way of changing you. It’s not like our 20s when many of us had fewer worries and life felt a lot more carefree. Growing up changes everyone.

But even then, the transformation is fascinating.

I’ve seen people who once had the most ridiculous sense of humour become almost unrecognisable. The ones who could turn any conversation into a comedy show are now quiet, serious, and sometimes even a little weighed down by life. It’s sad to see, but I understand it. That’s what life does.

That seriousness has shifted online too. Most of the funny content is by Gen Z.

I’m guilty of it myself. Somewhere along the way, I also started posting only about serious issues rather than silly ones. I look at my old posts on Facebook and don’t recognise myself either.

Surely life isn’t meant to be taken this seriously all the time?

Take the Reposts tab on Instagram, for example.

When I open someone’s reposts, I’m hoping to learn something about them. What kind of humour they enjoy. The movies they love. The random memes that made them laugh. Maybe a dog video that melted their heart. Something that tells me who they are.

Instead, I often find an endless stream of political posts.

By the time I leave their profile, I know exactly which political party they dislike, but nothing else about them.

It’s strange. Politics has become such a huge part of social media that it’s slowly replaced personality. Our online identities now revolve around what we’re against instead of what we enjoy.

I’m trying to disconnect from all of it, but it feels like a lost cause. In India, there’s almost no escaping politics. Even when you’re sitting in a hospital waiting room in Kerala, there’s usually a news channel playing on the TV. It’s as if we’re not allowed to switch off from the constant political noise, even when we’re unwell.

And when did millennials become this serious?

We were genuinely funny. I would even argue we were funnier than Gen Z.

Every now and then, I go back and read old Facebook posts and comments, and it’s like opening a time capsule. People teased each other endlessly. There was harmless banter, ridiculous inside jokes, and conversations that wandered off in every direction.

Nobody was trying to go viral. Nobody cared about engagement or reach. We were just… hanging out online.

Of course, social media algorithms haven’t helped.

Today, a post from your friend with 4 likes gets buried, while a random stranger whom you’re not following ends up at the top of your feed.

Half the time, when I open Facebook, I’m looking at people I’ve never met. If I actually want to see what my friends are posting, I have to switch to the Friends feed. Extra steps, too cumbersome, leading to less engagement.

I really hope someone builds a social media platform that brings back what made the early internet so much fun. A place where the goal isn’t chasing likes, growing followers, or gaming the algorithm.

Just a place where friends share everyday moments. Random thoughts. Terrible jokes. Blurry photos. Half-baked opinions. Embarrassing stories.

You know… life.

I would join that platform in a heartbeat.

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Photo by MART PRODUCTION

When People Forget You

Memory is such a weird thing. Some people remember the tiniest details about me from years ago, while others can’t recall spending time with me ever. They have forgotten entire moments. A day out, the day we talked, the laughs we shared.

I mean, how is that even possible? How can people erase entire days?

It also leaves you with a strange sense of self-doubt. Did you not make enough of an impression to be remembered?

A school friend, whom I reconnected with years later, couldn’t remember that we had spoken over the phone before. He was under the impression we had never talked. Another friend couldn’t recollect attending a wedding with me, which was actually the place where we first met. Even today, he acts as though we’ve never met. A few days ago, another friend, this time a woman, said she doesn’t remember going to a movie with me. It wasn’t just a quick outing. The entire day revolved around that one activity, so it was mind-boggling to realize that the memory had completely disappeared from her mind.

And then there are people like my niece, who can remember things from years ago with surprising clarity. Every time she brings up something I had completely forgotten, I’m both amazed and happy.

I guess this just proves that human memory is a fickle thing. It isn’t the perfect record of our lives that we often assume it is. So how can we depend on memory alone to define our current relationships or friendships and the moments that mattered?

Maybe someone, somewhere, did something incredibly kind for you, but you’ve completely forgotten it. Over time, you start believing they were never there for you because the memory no longer exists. You convince yourself there were no meaningful moments together, when in reality, they simply faded away.

Sometimes, forgotten memories say more about how the mind works than they do about the people involved.

It’s kind of scary, isn’t it? How hard do we have to try to hold on to the good memories? To make sure time doesn’t play the villain and quietly erases them for good.

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Photo by Baro

When Missing Someone Hits Out of Nowhere

One of the most romantic delusions I have ever come across is the idea that when you suddenly feel overwhelmed with emotions because you miss someone, it’s because they are missing you too. Some people even extend this belief to loved ones who have passed away, saying their energy is reaching out because they miss you.

It goes against every scientific explanation I know, yet there is something comforting about believing it. Sometimes, when a wave of grief or longing hits without warning, you are not looking for logic. You are simply looking for a reason that helps your heart make sense of what it is feeling.

Over the past few years, there have been many moments when I have found myself unexpectedly emotional while thinking about my father. It often happens out of nowhere. Sometimes it’s triggered by a quote about a father’s love. Sometimes it’s just a random thought that appears during an ordinary day. The strange thing is that it isn’t consistent. There are days when I can think about him and smile. Then there are days when the emotions become too much, and tears arrive before I can stop them.

In those moments, I find myself wondering: is this his way of letting me know that he misses me too?

I like to believe it is.

I treat dreams about him the same way. Whenever he appears in a dream, I see it as a small sign, a quiet reminder that the bond we shared still exists somewhere beyond memory.

It sometimes happens while thinking about friends who are no longer part of your life as well.

Maybe these are just coping mechanisms. Maybe they are the natural ways our minds process grief and emotional loss. Maybe hormones, memories, and nostalgia are working together to create meaning where none exists. But if a belief brings comfort without harming anyone, why rush to take it apart?

When you are grieving or missing someone you love, facts are not always enough. Science may explain what is happening in your mind, but comfort speaks to the heart. And sometimes, comfort is all you need.

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Photo by Andrew Neel