Whenever I see people throwing around the word “dictator” during protests, I often wonder how I would behave if I were a dictator in India. Yes, I spend time thinking about the most ridiculous things. Creating imaginary scenarios is something I genuinely enjoy. And let’s face it, we all have some dictatorship/authoritative qualities waiting to see the light of day.

So, what laws would I, as an Indian dictator, introduce in India? What everyday problems would I finally fix? And how much power would go to my head?

Well, here’s what my dictatorship would look like. Don’t worry, this is all hypothetical.

• Ban vehicles for journeys under 2 km. You will have to walk unless you’re going to a hospital. Pollution? Reduced. Traffic? Reduced. Public health? Improved. I don’t care what people who love driving think. I’m a dictator, after all.
• 5 years in prison for not stopping at pedestrian crossings. Pedestrians shouldn’t have to risk their lives just to cross a road.
• CCTVs everywhere. Anyone caught littering, spitting paan, or urinating in public gets 15 years in prison. Let’s see how clean our streets can get when everyone knows they’re being watched.
• 30 years in prison for deliberately destroying public infrastructure. If someone damages public property on purpose, they should face serious consequences. Why should the rest of us pay for someone else’s stupidity?
• Four “no-men” nights to begin with. Women should be able to roam around freely without constantly worrying about their safety. I’d introduce four nights when women could reclaim public spaces without the usual fear and restrictions. Every time a rape occurs, I’d add another night. Four nights could become weeks, months, and eventually years.
• 2 years in prison for never celebrating anything INDIAN. I’m talking about celebrating India as a whole, not just Kerala, not just Bengal, and not just any one state or region. INDIAN. I’d like to see more people take pride in the country as a whole.
• Ban the word “dictator” before anyone can use it against me. Obviously, I can’t have people questioning my authority. What kind of dictator would I be otherwise?

There you have it. My grand plan for running India if I ever became a dictator. I shared this with my friends, and they argue it’s not very dictator-like. But remember, there will be absolutely no freedom to contest any of these rules.

Would the country become cleaner, safer, and less chaotic? Maybe.

Would I become increasingly authoritarian along the way? Absolutely.

If you were a dictator for a day, what laws would you introduce? Laws that no one can say no to.

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Photo by D Goug