Tag: Mindful Living

An Ode to Dopamine Detoxes

I’m at that stage now where I can discern the reason behind my restlessness. The symptoms that previously used to confound me can finally be attributed to a source and countered with practical solutions. I say this with pride because discovering the cause of any turmoil is always the first step to recovery.

The reason for my dopamine going out of whack and my feeling a flurry of erratic emotion? Social media.

I have a love-hate relationship with social media. Because of social media, I found my voice. Because of social media, my introverted self learned to be a tad more expressive. I could post online, and there would always be someone to listen to my endless thoughts, view my never-ending selfies, and validate my existence. As much as I enjoy the platforms, I often find myself getting lost in engaging with the myriad of interesting content while also feeling bad about someone close not liking my photos or reels or videos, wondering if everyone had a life far superior to mine, wanting to go on the same expensive trips that others do even if it’s not what I want. Social media can be draining. It takes away your mental resources and leaves you with very little to deal with the everyday complexities of life.

When you feel like a puppet in a system with no say over your actions, you know it’s time to take back control. It’s time for a dopamine detox. I turn off my notifications, log out from social media, and take a break from doomscrolling. What I get in return is an incredible sense of relief and calm.

My dopamine detoxes help me connect with myself, reflect and refocus my energy. I enjoy the stillness and the ability to engage with my work, family, and thoughts without being bombarded with external distractions.

I find such dopamine detoxes more valuable at work. When you’re neck-deep immersed in tasks, the last thing you need is a distracting WhatsApp chat demanding your attention. Turning the wi-fi off helps me in cutting down on unwanted noise. To combat my Fear of Missing Out (FOMO), I remind myself that I’m just a phone call away from those who need me. Sometimes, when I need 100% me-time, I enable the flight mode on my phone. It has been a life-changer.

Enough people don’t realize what staying connected 24×7 does to your brain. If they did, everyone, including myself, would have attempted to disconnect more regularly. I know what social media does to me, and I try to step away, but it’s not long before I turn delusional again and turn a blind eye to the side effects. I relapse and restart doomscrolling.

The irony is that I have to experience the dreaded symptoms again for my brain to knock some sense into my dopamine-hungry system. The symptoms being — feeling angry about nothing, annoyed over everything, and mentally and physically empty. These symptoms are my wake-up calls to step back. The moment I do, I feel refreshed. It always astonishes me how forgiving our bodies tend to be. They are quick to spring back to life if you give them a chance. A few hours of downtime is often all it takes.

I wonder how many people must have mistaken mental overstimulation for depression and continued using social media without understanding its negative impact on them. Overstimulation is not depression, but it may lead to depression. Prolonged use of social media can result in your body crying SOS in the form of a nervous breakdown, loneliness, and anxiety. If you feel irritated when your internet is down, even though you have nothing important to finish online, you are addicted – no second thoughts about it.

Correlation between social media and depression (courtesy: system.com)

If you are interested in the studies shown in the above image, here are the links:

We can see the symptoms but somehow fail to attribute them to social media. Even if we understand the negatives, it doesn’t stop most of us from endlessly scrolling through our feeds. It might be similar to how drug addicts feel. They know the side effects of the drugs they consume and how it physically and mentally affects them, but it doesn’t stop consumption.

I was at that stage again recently, ignoring the fact that it’s time for a digital detox, when I stumbled upon the book Dopamine Detox by Thibaut Meurisse on Prime Reading. The book is available for free if you are an Amazon Prime user in India. After exhausting my monthly budget for books, I decided to give it a go. It’s a quick read. It takes about 30 minutes or less to finish but is jam-packed with information.

The book helped as a reality check. Somehow I had conveniently forgotten what social media could do to my mental health and had started overusing it. I even attributed my increased irritability and lack of energy to sleep deprivation, vitamin deficiency, or lack of exercise. I fixed all these issues but turned a blind eye to my social media usage. Eventually, from a state of surrender, I accepted that disconnecting from social media was the best way to resolve my problem. So, dear readers, if everything fails to lift up your mood, try logging out from your social media accounts.

I have cut down my usage, but I have no idea when things will go down south again. For now, I enjoy being wide awake, in the present, and the temporary freedom from negativity. I have set up social media time restrictions on my phone to prevent doomscrolling, but how long before I disable them and return to my old ways? Only time can tell.

An Ode to Being Aware of the Two Most Unfair (But Less-Talked-About) Comparisons

Photo by Maksim Goncharenok on Pexels

“His job profile is the pits. He is not earning much.” (Comparing the person’s job to someone else’s probably one’s own.)

“I enjoy my work and my salary. But almost everyone I know is changing their jobs, and I am feeling restless.” (Comparing our job to someone else’s.)

“The things we get in our country are far better than this.” (Comparing two countries that are poles apart socio-economically.)

“My friend is visiting a lot of places. She’s so lucky!” (Comparing the friend’s “travel luck” to your own.)

Comparison is the ultimate joy stealer. And I do not mean just comparing yourself to someone. I also mean comparing others and their situations to our mental model of “the perfect life.” I have seen people comparing themselves to friends, relatives, acquaintances, some random person on social media and making their life miserable. I have also seen people feeling miserable right after hearing someone’s comparison. In the first instance, we are unkind to ourselves. In the second instance, others are being unkind to us. Either way, rest assured, comparisons bring no happiness.

Still, people just cannot seem to stay away from comparing, sometimes unintentionally. There are many types of comparisons, but some of them have been normalized beyond our conscious awareness, so much so that we don’t think twice before blurting them out.

The Most Notorious Comparison—”We Are Better Off Than You”

When we say something like, “The chocolate we get in our country is far superior in quality,” we are not exactly sharing any valuable information with the other person. We only sound like an elitist. It is akin to saying, “I have tasted something far better, and you, my dear, will have no easy access to it.” The info might be accurate. The chocolate might be of better quality. But the person we are talking to might have a reality that is different from ours. For them, this particular chocolate might be of the best quality—because they have no other options to compare it with! In my opinion, to destroy that sense of joy in someone is the most insensitive thing one can do.

Unfortunately, this type of comparison is notoriously common. I am sure we all have heard something of the sort. The listener can only nod in agreement when such comparisons are made. They do not want to be rude by disagreeing, or they genuinely have no idea if the information shared with them is valid.

People pass judging comments without thinking twice about the interlocutor’s feelings. “Would they benefit from this info?” “Would they feel better after knowing these details?” Of course not. Yet, this is a type of comparison that is notoriously common.

Recently, on a news channel covering the unfortunate Ukraine-Russia war, a woman said in a state of shock, “The unthinkable has happened. This is not even a developing third-world nation. This is Europe.” She compared Ukraine’s situation to that of war-torn developing nations. It was a privileged, unkind statement, making it seem acceptable if poor countries face violence and unrest. She might not have intended it as such, but for a person from a “third world nation,” listening to such statements can be a harrowing experience.

Similar types of comparisons include:

  • “{Insert Country Name} has a superior standard of living. This is why I chose to settle there instead of staying in {Home Country}.”
  • “Food tastes better in {Insert Country Name}. In {Home Country}, everything is of low quality.”
  • “The quality of education is poor. So are the wages. I left the country due to these reasons.”

Sometimes, the listener might have chosen a life that is different from ours (like staying back in their home country). For them, these comments may seem like an insult. While advocating for something we believe in, it is equally important to not sound disrespectful (unintentionally or otherwise) of the life choices made by another person.

“I Am Happy, But Should I Be Happy?”

Everyone seems to be in the midst of a job change nowadays. Pay packages are on the rise, especially in the IT industry. This is inspiring a lot of workers to make that much-needed career shift. And why not? Without an iota of doubt, people should chase their dreams—we have only one life after all.

But then there are people like me, who are happy with their jobs, doubting their happiness, because everyone seems to be in a rush to exit their current companies.

“Are you still working for the same company?” asks an acquaintance. It almost sounds like I have sinned by staying loyal to the company that I’ve enjoyed working for so far. This made me doubt my happiness—another unfair comparison.

In all aspects of life, and not just work, the happy wayfarers eventually start comparing their life decisions with the next person’s ambiguity, wondering, “Am I truly happy? Is this really what I want?” The hysteria around can make you question your well-thought-out decisions.

This is a type of comparison we should be wary of. We are getting swayed by someone else’s dreams and ambitions—and forgetting our own goals in the process. Your dream may not be another person’s dream and vice versa. Sometimes, we make impulsive decisions based on external factors and end up regretting them. It helps to double-check yourself whenever you face such doubts. Outline your core requirements (necessities that can make you unhappy if absent) and ask yourself whether the new path fulfills each of these demands. This self-questioning helps to build more clarity and to confirm whether you are following your own dream or someone else’s.

Let’s Take a Step Back..

It helps to take a step back and introspect our opinions before dishing them out to the next person.

As Haresh Sippy said, “Comparison is the root cause of all evil. Why compare when no two people are alike?“