My Heart Feels Heavy

I have been grieving over what happened in the last few weeks.

Sometimes, I wish I could be blissfully ignorant of global affairs, so I could avoid the tyranny of empathy. It would have done me a lot of good if my line of thinking was, “There are enough issues in India. Why should I focus on other countries?“

However, that’s not the case.

I am witnessing an ugly side of humanity, something I never observed in close quarters before. Innocent civilian deaths are being condemned based on race, community, history, and other factors. A lot of analysis is done before deciding whether to mourn the departed.

No one seems to see the civilians as people with their own set of traumas and fears. Each one is trying to prove why the deaths of “others” are justified. I saw similar arguments happening between friends. It just broke my heart.

I can feel something in me shifting. I think it’s grief from broken expectations. Pain changes you. It molds you into someone who is more prepared to deal with similar mind-numbing events in the future. Your mount of delusions slowly starts cracking, the same ones that had previously shielded you from the truth and kept you blissfully happy. I feel vulnerable in this new revelation. Everything feels like a daze, and my sleep is disturbed. It feels like a raw wound that will take time to recover from. At the same time, I am grieving the departure of my older version. The one that was relatively more optimistic about the goodness in people.

I am at a stage where I have to repeatedly comfort myself, saying it’s okay to let go of things I cannot control. I hope I find it in myself to forgive people who participated in selective empathy.

I want a peaceful tomorrow. But it looks like a distant dream now.

I am craving more than ever for a rational group that condemns the cruelty of innocent civilians, regardless of religion, race, or political affiliations. A group where humanity is the sole focus.

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Photo by paul voie

Korean Drama Spotlight: The Second Husband

I stumbled upon “The Second Husband” by chance. The show was being aired on an Indian television channel called “Atrangi” and was dubbed in Hindi. It was then that I realized that Korean dramas have truly made their mark in India.

Disclaimer: This post shouldn’t be treated as a review because I am far from qualified to give an objective and professional take on cinema. It should be treated as a subjective viewpoint of a cinephile who loves to watch movies and dramas purely for entertainment. I have only one criterion – I shouldn’t get bored. The film will be judged on that factor alone.

What’s It About?

A committed woman finds herself entangled in a web of lies and deceit. Her fiancé cheats on her with a wealthy, money-hungry businesswoman. An apt companion for the man, who himself is blinded by greed. They are ready to forsake everything for money – their integrity, conscience, and love.

Thoughts

The Second Husband is a story that focuses on power-hungry people and their never-ending thirst for wealth. Everyone holds a secret that the others should not know.

I recommend the series to people who like dramatic, frustrating, Indian-serial-type stories. It has the bad guys winning more than 90% of the time. Not pleasant to watch. However, it keeps your interest and is quite engaging. You will keep moving to the next episode, even after the mental turmoil.

All the actors gave a superlative performance. The main lead, Cha Seo Won, is adorable, charming, and playful. I am sure whoever watches the drama will fall for his charisma. Hopefully, after his military stint is over, we will get to see him in more dramas.

The villain, enacted by Oh Seung Ah, is top-notch. She’s as evil as evil can get, and brilliantly depicts the character’s anxiety and eccentricity without appearing caricaturish.

The drama is 150 episodes long, each lasting around 20-30 minutes.

Give it a go if you are in the mood for Indian-styled kdramas.

3 Reasons Why Moving Abroad Doesn’t Make Sense to Someone Like Me

The number of people migrating from India to other countries is increasing every year. The foreign dream does not seem impossible anymore. Parents are willing to help in any way they can just so their children can live a life they could not. If there are monetary issues, loans are taken, or assets are sold.

It feels like a “do or die” situation nowadays, with everyone seemingly hurrying to escape India. Despite all this, I am deeply rooted in home, holding on to this land and its people with a tight grasp, refusing to let go.

Being Close to Family

There are many reasons why I never considered leaving. The primary one being, I want to be near my parents. I absolutely understand people who want to move to a place far away to maintain some distance from their parents (or in-laws). It is a subjective choice. But, I have always been someone extremely attached to my family. I cannot bear to be apart from them.

Home is where my family is. It has always been. My parents would have been more than happy if I had left the place. But I know where my happiness lies. It’s with them. In this limited time that I will spend on this planet, I want to spend it with the people I love the most. It’s my only dream.

Familiarity

I am in my 40s, so I am at a stage where I am less flexible to change. This mass migration to other countries is a recent development. When I was in my teens, everyone planned to stay back in India for further studies. A select few, the economically well-off ones, went abroad.

When you get older, you want familiar evils around you. I wanted to navigate the tried and tested, the known, not the unfamiliar territories with their own issues. I wanted the same people around me. I wanted peace and stability. I know for a fact that if I landed in a place that looked like heaven, it still wouldn’t have had the same effect as home.

Homebody

I am a homebody. When not with my close ones, I like to stay indoors, lost in my own world. My home is my happy place, my sanctuary. I introspect, read, write, exercise, dance, sing, and do more to entertain myself in this small space I call mine.

I have always been a borderline loner. It wasn’t something that happened overnight because of some trauma or incident. This personality was engrained in me since day one. Though I have learned the art of faking an extroverted personality for work and social activities, it does not change the fact that, at my core, I am a true-blue introvert whose energy gets drained by prolonged exposure to people.

I know that if I were to move to a foreign country, my personality is not going to magically change. I would still be a homebody. Due to my nature, moving continents just to stay at home does not make sense. For an individual like me, India can be a dream place. The country is so digitalized right now that I can buy, order, or book anything I want without leaving my house – medicines, groceries, food, taxis, medical tests, bills, and more. It is a homebody’s dream!

Ultimately, it depends on one’s personal choice. I know many who want to escape India purely because of their in-laws’ or relatives’ taunts. They find migration the best solution. Such reasons are entirely valid. Live in a place that gives you joy. It does not have to be India. However, my point is, never fall for what’s popular or in trend right now without considering your own needs. Ask yourself, “Is this what you really want and why? Or do you want it only because everyone else does?”

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Photo by Darshak Pandya

An Ode to Aligning With Your Natural Skills

An excerpt from Atomic Habits by James Clear:

Habits are easier to perform, and more satisfying to stick with, when they align with your natural inclinations and abilities. You want to play a game where the odds are in your favor. Embracing this strategy requires the acceptance of the simple truth that people are born with different abilities. Some people don’t like to discuss this fact. On the surface, your genes seem to be fixed, and it’s no fun to talk about things you cannot control. The areas where you are genetically predisposed to success are the areas where habits are more likely to be satisfying. The key is to direct your effort toward areas that both excite you and match your natural skills, to align your ambition with your ability.

This paragraph got me nodding away.

We all believe hard work can get us anywhere. It does, to a limit. If we are not naturally talented in what we are doing, more effort is required. But how much effort is too much? When do we stop? This requires some self-awareness. As the famous adage goes, “You cannot judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree.” No matter how much you believe “I will learn to fly one day,” it is physically impossible, even if you practice for hours on end flapping your arms, thinking your hard work will pay off one day.

Consider my case. I am not particularly good at math. I can solve problems, but it takes more time than average. My strengths are my patience and determination, which almost always help me figure out a solution. If I were to start a career in finance (which I did once upon a time), I would have been a disaster due to my dislike for numbers. Currently, I have made my financial life more manageable by outsourcing money-related decisions to experts. Instead, I took up a job that rewarded my problem-solving skills, irrespective of how long it took me to discover a solution. My work is challenging, but since it naturally aligns with what I am good at, there is considerably less friction. As a result, I am happier doing what I do.

Acknowledging your limitations shouldn’t be treated as a failure. On the contrary, it’s more energy-efficient to align with your natural skills and play to your strengths instead of moving far away from them. You need not over-stress yourself with things that do not seem to improve, no matter how hard you try. Maybe there is something else you are naturally good at.

I read that as kids, BTS members V and Jung Kook experimented in different fields to understand their aptitude. Their parents encouraged it. Both eventually chose music. Afterward, when V had a stress-related emotional meltdown, his father told him it was okay to come back home. “We can find something else you’re good at,” he said. However, V persisted because he didn’t want to disappoint his family. Those words of encouragement meant a lot to him. It made him realize that even if he quit, he could sail through. But not everyone is like V (or his parents).

I honestly feel we should be told it is okay to give up and try out other things when the time comes so we don’t get stuck in a depressing rut. Not everything in life can be achieved with hard work. And that’s okay.

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Photo by Pok Rie

Korean Drama Spotlight: Happiness

After a long stint with romantic Korean dramas, I watched two horror series back-to-back – one being The Revenant and the other one, Happiness. To be honest, I selected the latter because I had read wonderful things about the chemistry between the lead pair. I was not left disappointed!

What’s It About?

Happiness is not a typical horror or zombie series, as the trailer might make you believe. It’s about a medical drug gone wrong, causing severe side effects, leading the infected to develop zombie-like symptoms.

Thoughts

“Happiness” is anything but happy. It is frightening, frustrating, and emotional. Either the makers were playing games with us by choosing that title or maybe there is a deeper meaning to it (“Be happy today, because tomorrow you might turn into a zombie”). Or, maybe, for them, zombies equate to happiness (who am I to judge?). The meaning is left to the viewer’s discretion.

Supernatural stories often feel artificial, but when the horror elements are scientific, you can’t help but sit back and ponder its possibility.

The series takes inspiration from the recent pandemic, especially the human psyche. I almost wanted to pull my hair out because of the irrational behavior of the residents who wanted to venture out when they were given explicit instructions not to. No one followed the rules. Sounds familiar?

When I set aside my annoyance, I realized this is precisely how people behaved during the pandemic. Many flaunted rules by avoiding masks and ventured out even if lockdowns were imposed in the country out of sheer frustration, ego, loneliness, and desperation. You saw people quick to call out, ostracize, and shame others infected with the virus but were notoriously silent when it concerned their own family members. You see glimpses of these traits (and more) in Happiness, and you can’t help but applaud the reality of it all.

The quiet romance between the leads is not the main plot, but it still makes a mark. Park Hyung Sik and Han Hyo Joo have fantastic chemistry, and I wish they act in a full-on romantic story in the future. The way they have their moments, with that beautiful melody playing in the background, makes it a wholesome treat overall.

I would definitely recommend the series. Streaming on Netflix.

An Ode to Paving Your Own Paradise

I went on the road that I was told not to take,

I did things I was told not to do,

I wanted things I couldn’t want, I got hurt and hurt again;

You can call me stupid, then I’ll just smile

I don’t wanna succeed by doing things I don’t wanna do.
Wings by BTS

I came across the above verse by RM (kindly translated by a Reddit user), and it made me think of my own life decisions. The words resonated with me a lot – taking the path that isn’t the norm because it feels right. It could be a path filled with mistakes, it could be stupid or nonsensical, ridiculed by others, but it does not matter because the path is authentically mine.

I went against the tide when I was young and still am – living as a 40-year-old single woman in a society that emphasizes marriage and having a family is not for the faint-hearted. I am bang in the center of all the guilt-tripping and moral policing, but I still am going strong because there is no other way I would have it.

There are other things I do that aren’t considered ideal, like not being ambitious or wanting to race to the top. I am generally content in life. The new world requires you to be on your toes, aiming for the best always, and be in a constant state of restlessness. That streak was missing in me since childhood. I enjoy the slow life and the calmness and peace that it entails. I knew doing anything else could only result in me being unhappy.

How do we stay true to ourselves when the world wants us to go the opposite way?

They tell you not to live your life through your feelings, but that’s how I have been till now. I do not get into something half-hearted just because it is the norm. It may or may not seem like the best way for others, but it sure as well keeps me sane. It took me a long time to accept this side of me – I spent more than 30 years thinking something was wrong with how I felt. Considering I’m in my 40s, that’s a very short period of me feeling a sense of normalcy.

Don’t do that to yourself. And don’t let anyone make you spend more than 75% of your life thinking you are “weird” or “out of place” or an alien. Your feelings are valid. I don’t think people realize this when they are young because we are competitive and constantly comparing ourselves to others. But over time, you will realize there is only one authentic, wholesome, happy way to live your life – and that’s yours.

Ending with a beautiful song by BTS, titled Paradise. It’s a lyrical video, so sit back, relax, and enjoy the words of motivation:

It’s alright to stop

You don’t need to run without knowing why

It’s alright to not have any dreams

If you have moments where you can feel happiness

It’s alright to stop

Don’t run without knowing where you’re going anymore

It’s alright not to have any dreams

All of the air you breathe out is already paradise

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Photo by Gabriel Hohol