7 Memorable Quotes from The Love Queen of Malabar

The Love Queen of Malabar is a captivating exploration of the life of Kamala Das, also known as Kamala Surayya, one of India’s most celebrated poets. Written by Merrily Weisbord, the book is thought-provoking, highly controversial, poetic, melancholic, and at times, shocking.

Kamala Das shares her deepest emotions with Merrily, treating her as a confidante in revealing thoughts that range from lyrical to unexpected. While the book may not appeal to everyone, it left a lasting impression on me—an eye-opener that offered a rare glimpse into the intimate world of a literary icon.

I have carefully selected some non-controversial quotes from the book. Not everything Kamala says can be shared publicly due to its sensitive nature. However, the quotes listed here provide insight into Kamala’s thoughtful persona and capture the essence of Merrily’s book.

“A writer moves away from family, old relationships, very far with the speed of a falling star,” she says. “Otherwise the writer is destroyed, and only the member of the family remains: the mother, sister, daughter, wife. The writer at some point must ask, Do I want to be a well-loved member of the family? Or do I want to be a good writer? You can’t be both at the same time. The days when you are with the children and are being a very good mother, you cease to be the writer. You feel repelled by the pen and the paper, which are definitely going to come between you and your loved ones.”

“Because the writer can give all of herself only to that task of writing. She will have to write against her loved one, put him under the microscope, dissect him, analyze his thoughts, his words. After a while he is no longer the man you held in your arms at night. You have cut him into little slivers, everything is burst open, he is seeds and pulp and juice all spread out in little bits on your writer’s table. After that, you can’t go to his arms the same way.”

If I had not learned to write how would I have written away my loneliness or grief? Garnering them within my heart would have grown heavy as a vault, one that only death might open, a release then I would not be able to feel or sense.

“Ask the books that I read why I changed,” she says. “Ask the authors dead and alive who communicated with me and gave me the courage to be myself.”

“Make a woman laugh, then make her cry, that is the secret of a good film. Not make her cry, cry, cry. What message is that for women today?”

Her dislike of organized religion is so much more pronounced than on my last visit that I wonder if any beliefs remain to comfort her. “Yes,” she answers. “A concept of God. A presence in my room. I’m not alone. I visualize a shower of moonlight falling on someone in prayer. It is a soothing exercise. I feel bathed in light, and I know there is a God.”

She tells me that even in Kerala, which prides itself on religious coexistence, she is still being attacked from both sides. The Hindu Sangh Parivar, an association of Hindu nationalist organizations, protests her ownership of the snake shrine on her own ancestral property at Nalapat because she is a Muslim. The Muslims are “disgusted” with her because she speaks against their practices and clergy, refusing to support sectarian politics she finds unpalatable. “They feel they are losing their grip on me.”

The Truth Behind Accusations of Lack of Religious Freedom in India

Western countries often criticize India, accusing it of restricting the religious freedom of minorities. For a long time, I was puzzled by this, as I saw minorities freely attending their religious places without any problems. On the other hand, Hindus in Jammu require police protection to visit their religious sites due to the ongoing threat of terrorism. So, where is this accusation truly coming from?

One of the main reasons many Christians oppose the BJP is that the party has significantly restricted international funds meant for proselytization. These funds were often misused in India to attract economically disadvantaged citizens into converting, with promises of financial assistance tied to conversion. As a result, conversions were driven more by economic pressures and manipulation than genuine faith.

Countries like the USA actively fund missionary programs, with groups such as the evangelical World Vision and the U.S. Commission on International Religious Freedom (USCIRF) advocating for unrestricted proselytization as a form of religious freedom. They often cite Article 18 of the United Nations’ Universal Declaration of Human Rights (UNDHR), which asserts that every individual “has the right to freedom of thought, conscience and religion; this right includes freedom to change his religion or belief…” This interpretation forms the basis for their criticism of India, accusing the country of limiting religious freedom and ranking it low in the religious freedom index. A 2012 article written by Dr Aseem Shukla explains this point brilliantly (hinduamerican.org/blog/proselytism-conversion-to-intolerance/).

This raises an important question: why offer monetary assistance only after conversion? Why not provide help based on humanitarian principles, without attaching religious conditions? When people are lured into faith through financial incentives, it undermines the integrity of the belief system itself. Shouldn’t conversions be driven by genuine faith and conviction, rather than economic manipulation or coercion?

Unfortunately, that’s not the reality for many. People are being lured into changing their religion through manipulation, whether through money or other means. I personally know several individuals who converted simply because they were promised financial support. What’s even more surprising is that younger generations are now making conversion a prerequisite for marriage. It’s hard to comprehend how, in today’s world, people still can’t accept different faiths and feel the need to demand conversion from their partner for the sake of marriage. Is this really secularism? Or love? I discussed this topic on this blog after watching a show, Nobody Wants This, on Netflix some time ago.

I’m currently reading a book about Kamala Das, The Love Queen of Malabar, written by a Canadian author, where it’s mentioned that Kamala was pressured to claim her conversion was out of faith, not love. The reasoning behind this was that saying she converted for love would diminish the strength of her faith. However, after her partner left her, she felt deeply depressed. The book suggests that the man she loved had been financially incentivized by foreign entities to convert Kamala. Later, Kamala wished to return to Hinduism but feared for her life and her family’s safety, including her grandchildren. Her sons even used to correct her whenever she, by habit, uttered the name of her former god, as they were afraid it might anger radicals and put their family at risk.

Why manipulate people into conversion? Let them choose to convert out of genuine faith – that is true religious freedom, not a process driven by external incentives.

The new government has largely restricted predatory conversion tactics by limiting international funds and addressing radical elements within society. This is one of the primary reasons the Indian government is widely criticized globally.

The propaganda against India has a broader base compared to the narratives propagated by BJP supporters. It’s easier for these narratives to spread, as the Christian and Muslim communities form larger global groups compared to the Hindu community. With such a widespread network, sensational news spreads quickly and easily. Adding to this challenge is the Hindu community’s general reluctance to actively counter exaggerated news, making it even harder to protect India’s image.

Many who believe in proselytization through unfair means seek the removal of the current government to restore previous practices. This is probably why they complain about every small issue and often manipulate facts to present one-sided stories. By focusing on selective narratives, they aim to undermine the current administration and bring back the old ways.

The narratives about India are often more complex than they appear in the media or through agenda-driven sources. They tend to present only one side of the story, exaggerating it to evoke emotional reactions. This is why it’s crucial to consult both left and right-wing media to gain a more balanced perspective. Otherwise, you risk forming judgments based on incomplete or biased information.

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Photo by Luis Quintero

Khalistan & Kashmir – The Overlooked Pakistan Influence

Here’s something to think about:

Khalistanis demand a separate Sikh country called Khalistan which includes the Punjab region of India. However, they do not talk about including Pakistan’s Punjab as part of this homeland. Why?

Pakistan’s Punjab is four times larger than Indian Punjab in terms of land area.

Pakistan is also home to several important Sikh sites, such as Nankana Sahib, the birthplace of Guru Nanak (founder of Sikhism), and Kartarpur, where Guru Nanak spent his later years.

So why don’t Khalistanis demand a separate state that includes Pakistan’s Punjab if having a separate homeland for Sikhs is important?

The same reason why separatists in Kashmir and global leftists think only Indian Kashmir should be “freed,” not Pakistan-occupied Kashmir.

Also, as mentioned in a previous post, The Most Intriguing Fact in “Kashmir Narratives” by Colonel Ajay Raina, the first step toward a plebiscite in Kashmir requires Pakistani militants to fully disengage from the region. According to the UN resolution, once they leave, the Indian military must also withdraw, ensuring a fair plebiscite. Yet, no one is calling on Pakistani militants to step back.

This glaring omission of Pakistani elements raises questions about whether Pakistani influences are shaping the narrative.

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Photo by Suhail Lone

The Duality of Religious Tolerance in India

The duality of India is striking.

Some Indian Muslims like Arfa, Rana, Zubair, and Naseeruddin Shah feel India is intolerant and unsafe for Muslims.

Yet, Muslims like Taslima Nasreen and Sheikh Hasina feel safer in India than in their own Muslim-majority countries. They have escaped their countries to avoid getting persecuted and can openly criticize extremists in India.

In India, you can criticize any religion freely, like PC George in Kerala targeting Islam, or Stalin in Tamil Nadu attacking Sanatana Dharma.

But at the same time, mocking/disrespecting Hinduism or Islam can also lead to lynching or beheading.

This shows the complicated nature of India’s religious tolerance. It’s not fully black or white; there are many layers of grey.

A country, accused of religious intolerance, is also a country where seers like Swamy Premanand Ji openly advocate for LGBTQ issues. He advises young members of the LGBTQ community not to succumb to parental pressure to marry according to societal norms, as it could harm both their own life and that of their partner.

From these examples, it is quite clear that India is a nation with diverse perspectives. Yet international media often portrays it as a regressive and intolerant society, probably because they rely heavily on left-leaning biased sources for their information. This depiction is unfair to the country’s social fabric, which embraces various ideologies.

It is important to note that much of the left-leaning media in India tends to present only one side of the story, resulting in incomplete or biased information. In an era where media bias is prevalent, it is strongly recommended to read news from both left- and right-leaning sources to gain a comprehensive understanding of the issue. Without this balanced approach, people may remain unaware of where genuine reforms are needed and could be misled by those with specific agendas.

The downside of one-sided stories is that they can foster an extreme victim mentality, making people believe that any violence or attack is justified due to past suffering. For instance, some celebrated the LA fires, posting that the USA deserved it for funding weapons for Israel, without considering that pro-Palestinians could have lost their homes too. If a tragedy strikes India, similar comments might surface. This is partly due to media narratives that fuel such sentiments and intensify hatred.

In an increasingly polarized world, it is crucial to report news with accountability. Both extremes are harmful—religious extremism that forces others to conform through coercion and an extreme victim mentality that blinds individuals to any positive aspects, making them focus solely on negative narratives. Currently, in India, I am seeing more of the latter than the former. Media is partly responsible for this.

Breaking the Cycle: Ending Violence in Israeli-Palestinian Conflict

A ceasefire and hostage deal is close to being reached, with plans to start on Monday. However, some people on both sides want the situation to stay the same.

The ceasefire has not yet started and a journalist from Gaza is already talking about destroying Israel.

Meanwhile, a far-right Israeli politician wants the Gaza war to continue.

How long can this hate continue?

One thing is clear: things cannot go on as they are. Israel must implement the two-state solution right away and remove illegal settlements. This doesn’t mean Israel should give up its land, but rather stick to the established boundaries.

If Gaza wants peace, they must abandon the idea of revenge. Israelis are unlikely to give up their land without a fight. They would rather use extreme measures, including nuclear weapons, to destroy their land themselves than give it up. They are driven by strong nationalist sentiments.

Many countries have lost land due to disputes. India lost territory to Pakistan, and Pakistan lost land to Bangladesh. The Kashmiri Pandits were displaced from their homes. Now, imagine if these countries and communities harbored the same revenge mentality and resorted to violence to reclaim their lost land. It would lead to chaos worldwide, including in Muslim countries, with countless lives lost. At some point, peace with reality must be made and the past let go. Constantly planning the next bombing or uprising only results in more innocent lives being lost.

The only way forward is peace. A two-state solution should be established, and both countries must learn to coexist. The benefits are clear: Gaza could leverage Israel’s expertise to develop infrastructure and technology that could improve life for its people. Israel, in turn, could benefit from employing Gazan workers, as it did before October 7. Left to its own devices, Gaza would likely be under Hamas, whose focus is primarily on warfare rather than development.

Supporters worldwide, rather than calling for constant war, should recognize the importance of peace and coexistence.

Yet, all this seems like a distant dream.

If serious measures are not implemented to change the status quo, both Israel and Gaza will continue to live without peace. It’s easy for us to sit in our comfortable armchairs in distant countries, encouraging war and violence on social media, while those living in the conflict zones become the true casualties.

We support violence, only to condemn it later. It’s a vicious cycle that repeats, leading to the loss of many lives, yet we fail to learn from our mistakes.

An Ode to Lessons Learned in 2024

As the year comes to a close, it’s time to reflect on the lessons learned this year. I have the utmost gratitude for those who showered me with love, kindness, and patience. However, I also felt discomfort knowing that not everyone who greets me with gifts, smiles, and sweet words considers me as someone worth their time.

Small things that irked me this year:

A relative who never supported my writing ventures expected me to support her new Instagram page.
People being frighteningly okay with one kind of death over another based on religion, beliefs, and ideologies.
When people whom I consider dear went to events without informing me.

The lessons I learned from each of these:

You need not feel guilt for treating people like they treat you. You are not a holy saint but a living, breathing, ordinary human being who harbors a myriad of emotions. Having expectations from people you care about is healthy so that boundaries aren’t crossed. Consistent compromises can affect your mental health and even bring down your self-esteem.
People are inherently biased. This fact is uncomfortable and dark but true. The way we look at anything is colored by our upbringing, our own experiences, and our way of life. So, for example, when you see someone advocating for human rights, you need to be wary of their agenda – is it genuine? Do they advocate for the rights of all humans or only a select few?
We have to accept that we are not everyone’s cup of tea. This holds more true for someone like me, an unmarried woman who says the most unorthodox things and is a social hermit by nature. When you live a life that is the most authentic to you, you will not gain many friends, as you are largely unrelatable. This self-realization will help reduce unnecessary expectations from people who genuinely require something else from the people around them, not what you have to offer.

Instead of blaming people, the solution often lies within. It’s impossible to change everyone and everything to your liking. The answer sometimes is to accept the reality and move on. Maybe in this quest, you will find your tribe that understands and accepts the person that you are, and things will feel less forced and more genuine.

For me, it’s often not the acts, like seasonal gift-giving, that show someone’s true nature, but in the little things – remembering you and asking you to tag along to events they know you would enjoy, uninhibited support to passions that mean a lot to you, and not finding you weird when you show your vulnerable side. It’s also the acknowledgment of the fact that you expected something more and them making an effort to meet that expectation the next time around. Touch wood, I have a select few who understand me the way I want to be understood. But being a hypersensitive individual could mean you get disturbed when people you expected to cheer you take a step back and treat you and the things you love with indifference.

But such is life. Every year, you learn new lessons and new aspects of people around you that you never observed before. You communicate your grievances. But if the subpar treatment continues, you accept, adapt, and move on. It’s the only way to live. The disappointment may linger for some time, but then the lessons merge and become a part of you, and eventually, you start embracing the new normal. That is until you learn your next lesson.

P.S.: This would be my last post for the month and year. Holidays beckon. I wish you and your family a happy, joyous new year!

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Photo by Madison Inouye