Yesterday, a Muslim friend visited, and we ended up discussing religion. She’s a practicing Muslim but not overly devout; for instance, she only wears a hijab when her mother-in-law visits.
During our conversation, she shared something beautiful:
People do things in the hope of reaching paradise. There’s so much fear surrounding it. But no one has ever returned from death to confirm if paradise truly exists. What we have now is paradise, isn’t it? You and I, of different faiths, sitting here together, conversing, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company—what better paradise could there be?
I asked her how she developed this perspective when everyone around her follows religious rules so strictly. She said it might be because she attended a non-religious school instead of an Islamic one. She emphasized how important it is to interact with other communities rather than only associating with people from our own. Her husband shares the same outlook. While he offers Namaz five times a day, he hasn’t imposed any religious restrictions on his wife or children. They are the only ones in their family who approach religion this way.
This principle is applicable to all communities. The more we engage with people from different backgrounds, the more open-minded and accepting we become of diverse ideas and perspectives. Conversely, isolating ourselves can lead to more rigid and extreme viewpoints.
I believe this may be why Indians tend to integrate more easily in foreign countries. Growing up in a society where different faiths coexist has shaped our ability to adapt. This is why I feel we should be sharing our culture with the world rather than adopting foreign ones. India’s inclusive culture, which embraces all faiths, is truly beautiful. I hope we continue to honor and preserve it.
It is with utter dismay I am reading the news about the attack on Hindus in Bangladesh. Secular Muslims in the country are trying to protect the Hindus. This is positive news, and you can’t help but feel grateful for such people in the community. However, radicals are still deliberately targeting the houses and religious places of Hindus. How can they be stopped?
Often, we have seen that in the struggle between radicals and seculars, the radicals emerge victorious. This has happened previously in Iran. A student uprising in Iran in 1979 played a significant role in the downfall of secularism and the emergence of the Islamic regime.
Student protestors climbing the gate of the U.S. Embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979 / Wikimedia Commons
The reasons for the uprising back then were quite similar:
Widespread discontent with the Shah’s authoritarian rule, political repression, and economic issues.
Iranian students, both domestically and abroad, were active in organizing protests, disseminating anti-Shah literature, and galvanizing public opinion against the regime. They played a crucial role in spreading revolutionary ideas and mobilizing the masses.
A simple act of protesting an “authoritarian” rule in Iran brought in a more religious regime that was dictatorial in its tendencies. So how successful would one consider this student uprising, unless the original intention of the riots was not social justice, but a religious takeover? Shah, considered secular in nature, fled the country never to return, which in all probability will be Sheikh Hasina’s trajectory too. Comparisons are inevitable. Iran is still struggling to bring back its golden days of secularism. Will Bangladesh end up being the same? Only time will tell.
I saw Bangladeshi residents expressing their joy over Sheikh Hasina’s ouster, which is valid, as she was unnecessarily brutal in her approach. But I also saw them in private groups worrying about the future of the country and whether they will fall into the hands of radical Islamists. Some even said they would leave the country if it came to that.
What does this mean for India? Sheikh Hasina was considered pro-India in her approach. She kept the fundamentalists like the Jamaat-e-Islami and anti-India elements under check. This is of significance as India shares a long border with Bangladesh and any sort of instability has the potential to spill over to neighboring regions.
The new leader, Muhammad Yunus, is a Nobel Laureate. He has proven himself an intellectual, but how effective would he be as a politician and a peace-keeper? Will he be pro-India and continue to maintain peaceful relations with our country, promising to secure the borders and protect the minority community in Bangladesh? Or will he be a puppet for the radicals? Questions only time can answer.
As usual, the leftist ecosystem in India is working overtime to convince us that the Hindus in Bangladesh are not in trouble. This is not surprising. It is a standard approach when minorities in Pakistan, Bangladesh, and even within India (Kashmiri Pandits) are attacked. The events are quickly negated or justified and brushed under the carpet. A close observation of their responses provides enough proof of their bias. In my 40+ years, I have never seen them acknowledge attacks against Hindus. There is always a “reason” for it.
If by chance you point out the attacks, you are labeled a right-wing communal Sanghi (a BJP supporter). However, if you support any other community, you are a social justice warrior, an activist, and a secular. This double standard is difficult to fathom, and I have seen many becoming BJP supporters because of this hypocrisy.
In India, I am witnessing more secular Muslims openly supporting Bangladeshi Hindus than the so-called secular Hindus. Due to the indifference of left-leaning Indian Hindus, the community will continue to suffer persecution at the hands of radicals. There is not enough support. For the support to pour in, people need to first acknowledge the fact that there is an issue.
It is with some relief I read that all political parties in India are on the same page regarding the Bangladesh issue. The opposition hasn’t yet negated the Bangladeshi Hindu’s plight. They voiced concern for the minorities in Bangladesh and said they would work in unity with the central government. A nuanced approach their supporters need to learn.
Hopefully, peace will soon be restored in Bangladesh, rendering my concerns unnecessary. Until that day arrives, my worries persist.
It’s the fifth anniversary of the Abrogation of Section 370. I couldn’t help but reflect on differing opinions about this watershed moment in the nation’s history. There are politicians like Omar Abdullah and Mehbooba Mufti who consider it a disaster. Then, there are BJP supporters who think it’s the best thing that happened to Kashmir.
How do you know who is right?
It’s a given that our biases influence the sides we choose. When we believe something is unjust, we tend to seek out information that aligns with that perspective. Conversely, when we aim to be more optimistic, we focus on positive news.
In the context of Kashmir, you see different types of YouTube videos. If a vlogger or YouTuber seeks to demonstrate that the Abrogation of Article 370 was misguided, they will seek out discontented Kashmiri locals who share that viewpoint. On the other hand, those looking to justify the decision would seek out locals who support it. No matter one’s perspective, there will always be individuals who support each side of the story. Both sides are also convinced that only their version is the correct one.
However, it’s important to consider the facts.
As per Firstpost’s new article, “The incidents of organized stone pelting, connected with terrorist-separatist agendas, went from a staggering 1,767 in 2018 to zero in 2023“. More facts are provided in the article, which is worth a read.
The writer poses a valid question to Omar Abdullah, who keeps talking about how nothing has changed in Kashmir:
The question arises now that, for the first time in two decades, since four years, which is 1460 days and counting, not one youth has died, but you are saying that the situation overall is terrible. Are we then to assume that normalcy is stone-pelting and youngsters dying every week? The end of stone-pelting and no civilians dying is actually a terrible development for your politics.
Ultimately, your perception of a situation is influenced by your bias. But I can’t help but wonder with all the discontent over the Abrogation of 370: Is the prevention of youth fatalities from stone-pelting incidents of less importance than advocating a political agenda?
As a woman in my 40s, I am living an unconventional life in India, a conservative country that believes a woman’s life is incomplete if unmarried. I have experienced the ups and downs of living this kind of life while exploring new territories and learning from my experiences along the way. None of my family members or friends have chosen to live this way, so I don’t have anyone to look to for guidance. Is it daunting? Of course. But would I have it any different? Definitely not.
It’s amusing that many people who warn about the drawbacks of being single are usually married. They haven’t experienced living alone for a significant amount of time, so they may not be the best advisors on “the other side” of the single life. These wellwishers often point to that one person they know who is feeling lonely in their 40s to push you to get married. Is it a genuine concern for your well-being, or is it a way for them to reaffirm their own choices? It’s hard to say for sure. In my view, only someone who has lived alone for 10+ years is truly qualified to answer whether the single life is as daunting as it’s made out to be.
Some advocates of marriage believe it to be the solution to all problems, especially for women in India. Feeling bored? Get married. Want to travel to foreign countries? Get married. Want to party at a club? Get married. Getting married is an all-in-one solution.
I got married in my 20s due to pressure. It was an arranged marriage. Unfortunately, it did not end well, as we were incompatible. Our culture and beliefs clashed from day one. We knew we were poles apart before we got married, but we fell for the usual narrative that marriage is the solution to all problems, even compatibility issues. No one was sensible enough to advise us that basic compatibility is required for a marriage to work. In fact, both sides of the family were desperate for us to get married as we were quickly crossing the ideal age for marriage.
My marriage eventually ended. It’s been 15+ years since my divorce, and I haven’t still tied the knot. I have no plan to. A year after my divorce, relatives started telling me how marriage is important and that I should consider getting married again. They told me to think of how my life would be in my 40s without a husband. In their eyes, it would be torture. But now that I am in my 40s and still unmarried, I will tell you a little secret. I have never felt freer and happier.
Someone now might say, “Wait till you are in your 50s“. I am ready to accept that challenge too. No one knows me better than I do. And I am sure it’s the case with you too. However, if you are in your early 20s and wondering if marriage is for you, here are some points to consider.
Get married if you are a social butterfly
If you are naturally extroverted and love being around people, chances are you would crave companionship at some point in your life. I am an introvert, bordering on being a loner. For me, solitude is a way of life.
As you age, you will find yourself spending a lot of time by yourself because everyone in your age group will be busy with life. You might get together once in a while, but meeting up every day would be unfeasible. Picture yourself in such a scenario. Would you crave constant companionship? Or would you be fine without it? As per my experience, most extroverts are not comfortable with stillness, silence, and calm. They need some human presence around them to feel energetic.
Find out the actual reason for your disinterest in marriage
I have seen that those who wish to get married but cannot find a partner end up choosing to live alone out of frustration or tiredness that emanates from constant disappointment. There is a chance such people might end up feeling lonely in their 40s. They have that “if only” in the back of their minds. Genuinely ask yourself if you are choosing to stay unmarried because it’s the best lifestyle for you or because you are unable to find a partner. If it’s the latter, you should not give up on the idea of marriage.
Living alone can be expensive
If you plan to stay single, you will need to save more. A pro of being married is that both of you can contribute to your daily expenses, whereas if you stay single, the onus falls on you alone – to earn well, invest wisely, and save efficiently. Of course, you shouldn’t get married thinking it will be costly to stay alone. Marriage is for companionship. However, this is a point that I found worth mentioning.
Living alone can be frustrating at times
I have been living alone for ages now, but there are times when I feel, “If only I could share this chore with someone.” But wanting a person to delegate my chores to isn’t a good enough reason for me to get married. I know for a fact that this need would be fulfilled if I hired some help. Alas, I am someone who wants to do it all by myself. This often leads to me being overwhelmed. But I take each experience as a lesson. If I were married, I wouldn’t have learned many things I know today. I would have been overly dependent on my husband to handle everything – from finances to decision-making. But yes, be prepared to be overwhelmed while you navigate through stressful times on your own.
Staying unmarried doesn’t mean saying no to love
You can be in love and still choose to remain unmarried. This is not widely understood. Many people assume that being unmarried means rejecting love. I have been in a committed relationship for many years, and I have no plans to marry because the traditional Indian married life is not what either of us wants.
What about the future?
Many people in favor of marriage often pose the question, “What about the future? What will happen when you’re 70 or 80?” It’s a valid question but not a compelling reason to get married. Your spouse may pass away, and if you don’t have children, you may find yourself alone. In Indian culture, parents often view their children as a safety net for their old age. However, many elderly parents in India find themselves alone as their children are settled abroad and only visit occasionally.
I have a few options to consider for my future living arrangements. I could stay in a good retirement home or move in with a friend or relative who is living alone and could use some companionship. It’s important to me that I don’t become a burden to the people I care about because of my health issues. There are many potential paths to choose from, and the decisions I make will depend on the trajectory of my life. I simply want to be financially independent and not rely on anyone else.
Having the confidence that I can thrive regardless of what life brings my way means I don’t have to fear being unmarried.
I don’t consider myself a shopaholic. I haven’t upgraded my phone in over 7 years or my car in over 10 years. It’s not because I can’t afford it, but because the ones I own still work perfectly. I replace items only when the current ones completely wear down, and I’m not tempted by new features in upgraded products (yet). I guess you could say I’m a capitalist’s worst nightmare.
I don’t think I am the best person to write a monthly favorites post, where I introduce a new favorite product each month. However, I do like to invest in products based on whether they fulfill a current need.
Here are some of my current favorites.
Scalp Massager
I like my monthly hair spas at the salon. I do it not to improve my hair quality or to boost hair growth but because the salon lady gives the best scalp massages. After a stressful work week, getting a good Indian scalp massage feels like paradise. This is one thing I love about India – hair spas are affordable – and you can pamper yourself with rejuvenating treatments as frequently as you like.
Of course, you don’t need to go to a salon for a scalp massage if a family member does it for you. Recently, during a visit to my mother, she treated me to a soothing scalp massage. It made me realize how wonderful it would be to have regular at-home massages. That is when I headed to Amazon to purchase a manual head massager.
While searching, I came across a new rechargeable scalp massager with silicon heads that mimic finger movements. I decided to buy one and, to my surprise, quite liked it. The silicon heads do not damage your hair and are gentle on the scalp. I was concerned whether the silicon heads would pull my hair, but thankfully no such thing happened.
There are different scalp massagers available on the market, but the one I got was the Caresmith one. My only issue with it is that only the silicone heads are washable. This means that it’s not really suitable for an oil hair massage or hair mask massage as it claims, because it’s impossible to do such massages without greasing the body of the massager.
Hot Chocolate
Now, I have had my share of hot chocolates, but Swiss Miss is by far my favorite. It caters to my taste (not extremely sweet and has a rich texture), comes in individual envelopes, and is easy to make. I first came across this brand on a k-drama. I was surprised to find it available on Amazon India. There are different varieties to choose from, but I’ve only tried the milk chocolate one.
Electric Toothbrush
I stayed away from electric toothbrushes for the longest time as I did not get the hype around them. I finally decided to invest in one and have loved the experience so far. I feel my teeth look brighter and cleaner, probably because of the consistent, circular brush movements that are difficult to emulate manually.
The one I got was Oral B because a friend’s doctor recommended it to her. But there are other affordable brands available on Amazon.
Back Rest
I enjoy reading in bed, but it’s not always comfortable. I often wished my bed had good back support. One that is flexible, so I could adjust it to sit straight or lie back as needed. That’s when I searched on Amazon for a suitable product and came across this backrest. The good thing about it is that you can use it on the floor or the bed (after removing the attached padded mat).
I came across this news today. It is comforting to know that there are members of the Muslim community in India who are fighting for unrestricted women’s education.
Samastha earlier had conveyed that a Muslim woman’s education should be encouraged but within religious restrictions. This became a point of debate across the state of Kerala, with many progressives calling it problematic. However, the most striking response came from a group within the community – the KNM. The organization is demanding that Samastha apologize for its take. KNM is not without its faults, but the stand they took on this particular issue is noteworthy.
Samastha and KNM
To the uninitiated, the “Samastha” group in Kerala refers to “Samastha Kerala Jamiyyathul Ulama,” an influential Sunni Muslim scholarly body in the state. Samastha plays a significant role in managing religious and educational institutions, including madrasas and mosques, and often issues guidelines on religious matters.
The term “Mujahids” in the context of Kerala typically refers to the Kerala Nadvathul Mujahideen (KNM), a prominent Islamic reformist organization in the state. The KNM often contrasts with traditionalist groups like Samastha, promoting a more modern interpretation of Islam, such as advocating the opening of the doors of mosques for Muslim women to enable them to offer Friday juma prayers.
Restricting Women’s Education on Religious Lines
If we connect religion with education, the progress of women in our country will be hindered. Afghanistan is a live example of this. Currently, girls in Afghanistan are generally allowed to attend school only up to the sixth grade. The Taliban, who regained control of the country in August 2021, have imposed severe restrictions on girls’ education beyond this level. Secondary education for girls (grades 7-12) has been largely suspended, and there have also been significant restrictions on female university students, including the closure of universities to women in late 2022. These measures have been widely condemned by international organizations and human rights groups. The global campaign #LetHerLearn, which advocates for Afghan women’s right to education, is gaining traction.
India is no Afghanistan. Here, women are allowed to study without restrictions regardless of religion. Women who are limited to religious studies may face challenges in the corporate world. It would severely restrict their job opportunities in a secular country like India, where well-paid corporate jobs often require you to engage with a global audience and follow strict academic and professional protocols that might not always adhere to religious lines.
Jobs cannot be built around religion in a democracy. Corporate jobs often require specific skills such as critical thinking, teamwork, leadership, and digital literacy. Religious studies may not always focus on developing these skills, which can impact the ability to perform effectively in a corporate setting.
Unfortunate Consequences
What happens when there are limited job opportunities for women due to religious restrictions? They will end up staying at home. Marriage becomes the only option. Financial independence becomes a distant dream.
It is ultimately up to the Indian Muslim woman to decide. If she wishes to pursue further studies, she should not be shamed.
Indian Muslim women deserve quality education, just like anyone else in India. We should have more Indian Muslim women in top positions in the corporate world. Currently, they are practically non-existent outside of Muslim countries. However, to make this happen, there need to be some reforms within the community that will help the women integrate more seamlessly into the existing corporate structure.
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Picture Courtesy: The New Indian Express (July 2nd 2024, Kerala Edition)
The Monkey Dilemma 
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