An Ode to Kabhi Main Kabhi Tum

I came to know about the Pakistani drama Kabhi Main Kabhi Tum from YouTube recommendations. This was one of those times when YouTube got its algorithm right.

I wasn’t initially sure whether I would like the drama, but once I started, I was hooked. It is no surprise that Kabhi Main Kabhi Tum has gained popularity in India. The reasons are plenty.

Focus on Relationships

The story focuses on everyday relationships. It does not aim to convey any profound social message. The drama is not entirely progressive, but as the audience, the onus lies on us to accept the fictional world of those characters.

We are at an age where we look into political correctness in every movie or drama. This mentality somehow has ruined the movie-watching experience for people like me who prefer rawness over perfection. Indian filmmakers have become too cautious and afraid to offend, which is understandable considering the polarized times we live in. However, they can still develop unique story ideas that are family-oriented.

Most Indian movies and dramas getting appreciated nowadays are dark. If, by chance, a love story gets released, people are quick to dismiss it as cringe, misogynistic, or fake. Box office numbers also reveal that romantic movies have lost their appeal in India. Or maybe it’s because we are not coming up with a captivating love story. Due to this, many filmmakers stay away from making out-and-out romantic, feel-good movies.

So, considering the lack of romantic content, it’s understandable why many Indians are drifting towards Korean and Pakistani dramas like Kabhi Main Kabhi Tum that keep the old-world romance and family-centered stories alive.

The primary takers of romance are women. Most of us understand that the romance shown in movies is make-believe and not realistic, yet we crave a world that we can deep-dive into when we are stressed. Unfortunately, there are not enough choices for us nowadays. This is why dramas like Kabhi Main Kabhi Tum come as a refresher.

Clean Love Story

Kabhi Main Kabhi Tum meets the bill of sweet, clean love stories that we used to enjoy in the past. No one is making out the moment they meet; no one has an “I am cooler than you” attitude. The chemistry is there for your eyes to see. They look lovingly at each other with slight smiles, enjoy quiet dinners sitting on their bedroom floor, and mesh into each other’s lifestyles even if they are poles apart. Small things that make a significant impact.

Beautiful and Relatable Styling

I absolutely love Sharjeena’s free-flowing Pakistani outfits. The styling gives you a feeling that you, too, can pull off the outfit. The hair is not overstyled; the fit is comfortable and suitable for all body sizes, and there is a feeling of relatability when you see it. Nothing seems out of reach for the regular person.

No Realism Fatigue

I personally do not wish to experience realism fatigue while watching a movie or drama, so a good balance of relatability and aesthetics is ideal. To clarify, you might have seen several scenes in Indian dramas/movies shot in the bathroom where the main character is shown answering nature’s calls. They are realistic but not aesthetic. So, in my opinion, such scenes are better avoided in a make-believe world. We don’t need to know if the character peed or pooped or has a runny nose or sweaty face. Some things are better left for the real world.

Conclusion

I believe Indian filmmakers should take note of the popularity of Korean and Pakistani dramas in India. They should recognize that there is a market for such content, which they are currently neglecting to cater to. To create such wholesome dramas or movies, first and foremost, we need better storytellers. Korean dramas are written by female writers, which brings a unique female perspective to the stories. Perhaps Indian filmmakers should consider hiring female writers to bring back the charm of feel-good content in our films.

An Ode to Intermingling With Other Faiths

Yesterday, a Muslim friend visited, and we ended up discussing religion. She’s a practicing Muslim but not overly devout; for instance, she only wears a hijab when her mother-in-law visits.

During our conversation, she shared something beautiful:

People do things in the hope of reaching paradise. There’s so much fear surrounding it. But no one has ever returned from death to confirm if paradise truly exists. What we have now is paradise, isn’t it? You and I, of different faiths, sitting here together, conversing, laughing, and enjoying each other’s company—what better paradise could there be?

I asked her how she developed this perspective when everyone around her follows religious rules so strictly. She said it might be because she attended a non-religious school instead of an Islamic one. She emphasized how important it is to interact with other communities rather than only associating with people from our own. Her husband shares the same outlook. While he offers Namaz five times a day, he hasn’t imposed any religious restrictions on his wife or children. They are the only ones in their family who approach religion this way.

This principle is applicable to all communities. The more we engage with people from different backgrounds, the more open-minded and accepting we become of diverse ideas and perspectives. Conversely, isolating ourselves can lead to more rigid and extreme viewpoints.

I believe this may be why Indians tend to integrate more easily in foreign countries. Growing up in a society where different faiths coexist has shaped our ability to adapt. This is why I feel we should be sharing our culture with the world rather than adopting foreign ones. India’s inclusive culture, which embraces all faiths, is truly beautiful. I hope we continue to honor and preserve it.

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Photo by Markus Spiske

An Indian’s Concern for Bangladeshi Hindus

It is with utter dismay I am reading the news about the attack on Hindus in Bangladesh. Secular Muslims in the country are trying to protect the Hindus. This is positive news, and you can’t help but feel grateful for such people in the community. However, radicals are still deliberately targeting the houses and religious places of Hindus. How can they be stopped?

Often, we have seen that in the struggle between radicals and seculars, the radicals emerge victorious. This has happened previously in Iran. A student uprising in Iran in 1979 played a significant role in the downfall of secularism and the emergence of the Islamic regime.

Student Protestors in Iran 1979 — Student protestors climbing the gate of the U.S. Embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979 / Wikimedia Commons

The reasons for the uprising back then were quite similar:

Widespread discontent with the Shah’s authoritarian rule, political repression, and economic issues.
Iranian students, both domestically and abroad, were active in organizing protests, disseminating anti-Shah literature, and galvanizing public opinion against the regime. They played a crucial role in spreading revolutionary ideas and mobilizing the masses.

A simple act of protesting an “authoritarian” rule in Iran brought in a more religious regime that was dictatorial in its tendencies. So how successful would one consider this student uprising, unless the original intention of the riots was not social justice, but a religious takeover? Shah, considered secular in nature, fled the country never to return, which in all probability will be Sheikh Hasina’s trajectory too. Comparisons are inevitable. Iran is still struggling to bring back its golden days of secularism. Will Bangladesh end up being the same? Only time will tell.

I saw Bangladeshi residents expressing their joy over Sheikh Hasina’s ouster, which is valid, as she was unnecessarily brutal in her approach. But I also saw them in private groups worrying about the future of the country and whether they will fall into the hands of radical Islamists. Some even said they would leave the country if it came to that.

What does this mean for India? Sheikh Hasina was considered pro-India in her approach. She kept the fundamentalists like the Jamaat-e-Islami and anti-India elements under check. This is of significance as India shares a long border with Bangladesh and any sort of instability has the potential to spill over to neighboring regions.

The new leader, Muhammad Yunus, is a Nobel Laureate. He has proven himself an intellectual, but how effective would he be as a politician and a peace-keeper? Will he be pro-India and continue to maintain peaceful relations with our country, promising to secure the borders and protect the minority community in Bangladesh? Or will he be a puppet for the radicals? Questions only time can answer.

As usual, the leftist ecosystem in India is working overtime to convince us that the Hindus in Bangladesh are not in trouble. This is not surprising. It is a standard approach when minorities in Pakistan, Bangladesh, and even within India (Kashmiri Pandits) are attacked. The events are quickly negated or justified and brushed under the carpet. A close observation of their responses provides enough proof of their bias. In my 40+ years, I have never seen them acknowledge attacks against Hindus. There is always a “reason” for it.

If by chance you point out the attacks, you are labeled a right-wing communal Sanghi (a BJP supporter). However, if you support any other community, you are a social justice warrior, an activist, and a secular. This double standard is difficult to fathom, and I have seen many becoming BJP supporters because of this hypocrisy.

In India, I am witnessing more secular Muslims openly supporting Bangladeshi Hindus than the so-called secular Hindus. Due to the indifference of left-leaning Indian Hindus, the community will continue to suffer persecution at the hands of radicals. There is not enough support. For the support to pour in, people need to first acknowledge the fact that there is an issue.

It is with some relief I read that all political parties in India are on the same page regarding the Bangladesh issue. The opposition hasn’t yet negated the Bangladeshi Hindu’s plight. They voiced concern for the minorities in Bangladesh and said they would work in unity with the central government. A nuanced approach their supporters need to learn.

Hopefully, peace will soon be restored in Bangladesh, rendering my concerns unnecessary. Until that day arrives, my worries persist.

How to Know if the Unmarried Life is Right for You

As a woman in my 40s, I am living an unconventional life in India, a conservative country that believes a woman’s life is incomplete if unmarried. I have experienced the ups and downs of living this kind of life while exploring new territories and learning from my experiences along the way. None of my family members or friends have chosen to live this way, so I don’t have anyone to look to for guidance. Is it daunting? Of course. But would I have it any different? Definitely not.

It’s amusing that many people who warn about the drawbacks of being single are usually married. They haven’t experienced living alone for a significant amount of time, so they may not be the best advisors on “the other side” of the single life. These wellwishers often point to that one person they know who is feeling lonely in their 40s to push you to get married. Is it a genuine concern for your well-being, or is it a way for them to reaffirm their own choices? It’s hard to say for sure. In my view, only someone who has lived alone for 10+ years is truly qualified to answer whether the single life is as daunting as it’s made out to be.

Some advocates of marriage believe it to be the solution to all problems, especially for women in India. Feeling bored? Get married. Want to travel to foreign countries? Get married. Want to party at a club? Get married. Getting married is an all-in-one solution.

I got married in my 20s due to pressure. It was an arranged marriage. Unfortunately, it did not end well, as we were incompatible. Our culture and beliefs clashed from day one. We knew we were poles apart before we got married, but we fell for the usual narrative that marriage is the solution to all problems, even compatibility issues. No one was sensible enough to advise us that basic compatibility is required for a marriage to work. In fact, both sides of the family were desperate for us to get married as we were quickly crossing the ideal age for marriage.

My marriage eventually ended. It’s been 15+ years since my divorce, and I haven’t still tied the knot. I have no plan to. A year after my divorce, relatives started telling me how marriage is important and that I should consider getting married again. They told me to think of how my life would be in my 40s without a husband. In their eyes, it would be torture. But now that I am in my 40s and still unmarried, I will tell you a little secret. I have never felt freer and happier.

Someone now might say, “Wait till you are in your 50s“. I am ready to accept that challenge too. No one knows me better than I do. And I am sure it’s the case with you too. However, if you are in your early 20s and wondering if marriage is for you, here are some points to consider.

Get married if you are a social butterfly

If you are naturally extroverted and love being around people, chances are you would crave companionship at some point in your life. I am an introvert, bordering on being a loner. For me, solitude is a way of life.

As you age, you will find yourself spending a lot of time by yourself because everyone in your age group will be busy with life. You might get together once in a while, but meeting up every day would be unfeasible. Picture yourself in such a scenario. Would you crave constant companionship? Or would you be fine without it? As per my experience, most extroverts are not comfortable with stillness, silence, and calm. They need some human presence around them to feel energetic.

Find out the actual reason for your disinterest in marriage

I have seen that those who wish to get married but cannot find a partner end up choosing to live alone out of frustration or tiredness that emanates from constant disappointment. There is a chance such people might end up feeling lonely in their 40s. They have that “if only” in the back of their minds. Genuinely ask yourself if you are choosing to stay unmarried because it’s the best lifestyle for you or because you are unable to find a partner. If it’s the latter, you should not give up on the idea of marriage.

Living alone can be expensive

If you plan to stay single, you will need to save more. A pro of being married is that both of you can contribute to your daily expenses, whereas if you stay single, the onus falls on you alone – to earn well, invest wisely, and save efficiently. Of course, you shouldn’t get married thinking it will be costly to stay alone. Marriage is for companionship. However, this is a point that I found worth mentioning.

Living alone can be frustrating at times

I have been living alone for ages now, but there are times when I feel, “If only I could share this chore with someone.” But wanting a person to delegate my chores to isn’t a good enough reason for me to get married. I know for a fact that this need would be fulfilled if I hired some help. Alas, I am someone who wants to do it all by myself. This often leads to me being overwhelmed. But I take each experience as a lesson. If I were married, I wouldn’t have learned many things I know today. I would have been overly dependent on my husband to handle everything – from finances to decision-making. But yes, be prepared to be overwhelmed while you navigate through stressful times on your own.

Staying unmarried doesn’t mean saying no to love

You can be in love and still choose to remain unmarried. This is not widely understood. Many people assume that being unmarried means rejecting love. I have been in a committed relationship for many years, and I have no plans to marry because the traditional Indian married life is not what either of us wants.

What about the future?

Many people in favor of marriage often pose the question, “What about the future? What will happen when you’re 70 or 80?” It’s a valid question but not a compelling reason to get married. Your spouse may pass away, and if you don’t have children, you may find yourself alone. In Indian culture, parents often view their children as a safety net for their old age. However, many elderly parents in India find themselves alone as their children are settled abroad and only visit occasionally.

I have a few options to consider for my future living arrangements. I could stay in a good retirement home or move in with a friend or relative who is living alone and could use some companionship. It’s important to me that I don’t become a burden to the people I care about because of my health issues. There are many potential paths to choose from, and the decisions I make will depend on the trajectory of my life. I simply want to be financially independent and not rely on anyone else.

Having the confidence that I can thrive regardless of what life brings my way means I don’t have to fear being unmarried.

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Photo by Mihman Duu011fanlu0131

How Does It Feel to Lose a Parent?

Losses are an unavoidable part of life. You win over some people while you lose others. However, some losses, especially the death of a parent, are permanent and leave an aching scar. Nothing can truly prepare you for this. The experience is uniquely profound in the sense that we often take our parents for granted, assuming they will always be there. When death eventually rears its ugly head, it comes as a rude shock.

I lost my father several years ago. I still vividly remember the days leading to his death. He had started losing his memory and was facing hallucinations. The doctors we consulted were unable to treat his issue effectively. As someone who has seen her father as a proactive and energetic man most of her life, this transition was unbearable. The pain and suffering of my loved ones always scared me. You feel helpless, knowing nothing you do can make them feel better. You also feel helpless witnessing their own struggle to comfort themselves.

Distance ends up helping your mental health in such circumstances, but it also brings with it a terrible amount of guilt. Some children go abroad and feel guilty for not spending enough time with their parents. I stayed near my parents, yet the guilt remained. How can you perfectly cater to your own mental health, essential for managing daily work life, while caring for an ailing loved one? It is not easy. This is the most difficult stage for any family member acting as a caregiver. We simply do not know how to navigate the situation.

My father quietly passed away one day while we were in the midst of hiring professional help for his care. It had become emotionally taxing for my mother to take care of him alone, so we needed the extra support. I guess his leaving us was his way of saying, “Don’t worry too much about me. I’m going to a better place where all my needs will be taken care of.“

People often say that time heals the pain of losing a loved one. As someone who has lived with grief for several years, I can tell you it’s a lie. You never heal from a loved one’s death; you simply make peace with it. The sadness becomes a part of you, often camouflaging itself well within the depths of your soul, but it sometimes surfaces unexpectedly. When it does, you embrace it, sit with it until the moment passes, and then carry on with your life.

The sadness travels with you like a silent, understanding companion. It doesn’t demand your attention all the time, but it never leaves you. You don’t wish for it to leave you alone, either. In this digital, robotic world, when circumstances make me feel like I am devoid of sentiments, all I have to do is think of my father. As my eyes well up, I feel relieved knowing my soul still aches from his memory. It serves as a gentle reminder that I am still a living, breathing being, capable of experiencing deep, intense emotions.

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Picture Courtesy: Matthias Zomer

Quick Bytes: As a Centrist Hindu, I Did Not Find Netflix’s Maharaj Problematic

Indian politics cannot be easily categorized as “right” or “left” in the truest sense. However, it is easier for an apolitical person to understand whom you are referring to when you mention “left” (parties like CPI(M), but we generally include any non-BJP party in India) and “right” (NDA). I would call myself a centrist as I find a lot of things from both sides problematic. I can never swear allegiance to any one party, as I often look at the party’s performance and form my judgments based on that.

Now, the left-leaning crowd is naturally praising Maharaj, Netflix’s new movie starring Aamir Khan’s son, Junaid Khan. In contrast, the right-wing supporters are asking Hindus to boycott the movie. Truth be told, I haven’t read much about the Maharaj libel case, so I cannot pinpoint with utmost certainty which part of it is anti-Hindu. My opinion here is based on what I saw in the movie. Here’s why I, a centrist Hindu, did not find the movie problematic.

In Maharaj, Karsandas is portrayed as a reformist who is a practicing Hindu, but he asks questions and is not swayed easily by godmen. There is a monologue at the end where he says he fell more in love with his religion when he studied it in detail. He accuses the religious leader, Maharaj, of misusing it, misinterpreting the Sanskrit Vedas to further his vulgar agendas. This is not anti-Hindu in any manner. The court must have thought the same as well, which is why it got a clean chit.

The only material I referred to after watching the movie was a Wikipedia article on Karsandas. Interestingly, I found the following information, which was not covered in the movie.

He was deeply influenced by the English culture to an extent that he had dislike for institutional religious authority and had penchant for reading Christian sermons and later started translating English sermons & conduct manuals into Gujarati, thereby also bringing a distinctively Protestant ethic into Gujarati’s cultural world.

I am of the belief that community members and religious leaders should openly criticize the bad elements of their religion. If there is an extremist misusing and spoiling the name of your religion, why not openly oppose them? This applies to all communities. It’s only when you distance yourself from the fringe elements of religion that society truly reforms. As long as haters get support in the form of words or silence, radicals will continue to flourish.