Psychology Of Terrorists – Key Takeaways

I recently finished reading Psychology of Terrorists by Raymond H. Hamden. I decided to write this post to analyze the key ideas the author has included in the book and see how they apply to India.

This post is a deeper dive than my usual posts, so settle in for a longer read.

Reasons for Radicalization

The book places a strong focus on understanding why someone becomes radicalized in the first place.

It could stem from a difficult past shaped by parents, relatives, or even state officials. In such situations, terrorism becomes a way for them to channel their suppressed anger. It could also come from a long sense of discrimination or oppression, which makes people vulnerable to extremist groups looking to push their own agenda.

While this explanation works in many cases, it can’t be applied to everyone.

Take India, for example. Kashmiri Hindus faced years of injustice, yet they didn’t turn to violence. Their response shows that not everyone reacts to trauma in the same way. It also raises a bigger question. Can radicalization really be justified by blaming external factors alone? At some point, there has to be honest introspection about why disproportionate numbers of extremists emerge from certain sections of society. And this introspection can’t come from outside. It needs to happen within the communities themselves, just as the book explains in detail.

Different Takes on Terrorism

When we deem someone a terrorist, it remains clearly subjective and depends on which side we as individuals are on.

If we are on the side of the victims, we will easily call it terrorism. If we are on the side of the aggressor, we might call it something else entirely to justify self-defense.

As the author mentions, one person’s terrorist can be another person’s freedom fighter. So while I might see someone as an extremist for supporting a particular group, they could just as easily see me the same way for sympathizing with another.

This clash of morals isn’t something that can be fixed easily, but it can at least be recognised.

Disguise

Among the aims of terrorists is to delegitimize the government in the eyes of the people as an attempt to bring to the surface what they view as wrongful actions being taken by the government, and have the public on their side.

One of their techniques is to disguise themselves as civilians and provoke governments into attacking the wrong group, which casts the government in a terrible light.

In today’s social media world, it has become incredibly easy to gather people around a cause. We saw this during the 2020 Delhi Riots, where religion-based WhatsApp groups were created to organise protests against the CAA. Protests are a normal part of any democracy and often help highlight important issues. The problem begins when large gatherings get infiltrated or managed by groups that want to cause harm or steer the movement in a direction that was never intended.

Bringing students or young people into political movements isn’t new, but history shows that outcomes can sometimes take unexpected turns. Events like the Iranian Revolution or Bangladesh remind us that unrest and sudden regime changes can lead to even more restrictive systems coming into power. The most vulnerable tend to be women. In Iran and Bangladesh, women-led protests are becoming the norm, but it is met with uncomfortable silence by the global majority.

A concerning pattern is how quickly narratives can shift. When a protest turns violent, and action is taken against those involved, it can be reframed as persecution. In a country like India, where claims of victimhood often circulate through celebrities, politicians, and media, these narratives can be picked up and amplified. This creates an environment where genuine concerns get overshadowed, and the focus slowly shifts from raising awareness to pushing an agenda. It’s becoming harder to take action against someone who has actually done something wrong because the narrative shifts so quickly.

Global Terror

The age of modern terrorism commenced when the Popular Front for the Liberation of Palestine (PFLP) hijacked an El Al plane coming from Tel Aviv and going to Rome. Planes had been hijacked before, but this had symbolic value as it had a certain aim. It was also the first time in history where hostages were used to meet demands. This operation gained a lot of attention from the media, which worked to increase both awareness and moral panic.

The point about media attention is important because many terror groups depend on heavy media coverage to spread fear. This particular incident marked a shift where the media became a tool for amplifying messages of terror.

The book shares an interesting view on how the media should be careful when reporting such events. Detailed coverage can unintentionally motivate lone wolves to copy these attacks. But there’s another side to it. If an incident doesn’t get enough attention, groups might feel pushed to plan something even bigger just to be noticed. It feels like there’s no real win here, no matter how the media handles it.

Funerals

The first was the so-called Islamic sea burial that the United States had for bin Laden. Several Muslim scholars, such as the Grand Sheikh of Al Azhar (leading world institution for Islamic decisions) in Egypt, condemned this type of burial and confirrmed the fact that a sea burial is against Islamic traditions and requirements. The United States argued that its reason for this type of burial was to prevent having bin Laden’s burial place become a shrine.

In India, the idea of a burial site turning into a shrine is often raised in public discussions, especially by nationalist voices. Historical figures from the Mughal era, who arrived as conquerors, now have grand memorials that many people celebrate. We’ve also seen large gatherings at the funerals of individuals linked to extremist activities. For example, reports noted that Yakub Memon’s funeral in Mumbai drew a crowd of around fifteen thousand people, while Abdul Kalam’s funeral on the same day saw much smaller public participation.

The argument at the time was that there wasn’t enough proof against Yakub Memon, and many attended the funeral as an expression of empathy for what they believed was unfair treatment. But this pattern repeats often. Even when solid evidence exists, parts of society dismiss it as manipulated or fake. This creates confusion and frustration, especially among vulnerable groups, and can unintentionally push some people toward more extreme opinions.

This gap in how different groups perceive guilt and justice is why global events, like the killing of Osama Bin Laden, triggered such mixed reactions. Even when someone is widely known to have committed violent acts, the responses can vary dramatically depending on personal beliefs, political views, and community narratives.

Though President Obama did come out after this event and declare that the United States was not at war with Islam, and that bin Laden was in fact not a Muslim leader, the event was interpreted in a number of different ways by different individuals, politicians, and states.

For instance, Hamas leader Ismael Haniya and the Muslim Brotherhood of Egypt both condemned the killing of Osama bin Laden, whereas Palestinian Authority spokesman Ghassan Khateeb and Palestinian Prime Minister Salam Fayyad both provided positive feedback from the event, saying that it was a landmark event marking the end of an individual who was involved in terror and destruction.

Difference Between Extremism and Terrorism

People like me often use the terms extremism and terrorism interchangeably, but the author clearly differentiates the two:

Terrorism is a call to and threat of violence. Extremism is about achieving a political goal and changing minds to fit one’s own agenda. Al Qaeda engaged in terrorism, and the Iranian revolution was about extremism.

He goes on to cite a report that says extremism will be more of a threat than terrorism in the years to come:

A report by the Strategic Foresight Group (2007) estimates that extremism will be more of a threat than terrorism in the years to come. The objectives of extremist groups focus largely on infiltrating their ideas into the minds of individuals, especially youth.

Extremists are no longer engaging in terrorist acts but are instead aiming to and promising the people of reaching a “better world.” The term better, of course, is relative, since it originates from their own perspective. Their strategy has been proven successful in several countries. For example, the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt won a large percentage of Parliament seats in the elections of 2005. Likewise, the theocratic regime in Iran has currently grown and become more powerful and influential.

Since extremism tends to act as a precursor to terrorism, the main issue is how those extremists enforce their beliefs. If a violent means is taken, then those extremists have now become terrorists (Martin, 2009). This smooth dispersion of extremist groups and their success across a number of countries is viewed by many as a dangerous phenomenon facing the coming generations.

In Kerala, there have been instances where groups like Jamaat-e-Islami make statements suggesting that a true believer should naturally support the idea of an Islamic Republic. Views like this find an audience, often strengthened by political narratives and by those who want communities to feel that only a religion-based party can truly protect their interests.

We’re beginning to see similar patterns in small pockets across India. A recent example was the BMC election in Maharashtra, where a noticeable share of Muslim votes shifted from the Congress to Owaisi’s AIMIM. It shows how identity-driven messaging can influence political choices, especially when people feel their concerns aren’t being addressed by mainstream parties.

Victimhood Narrative

When well-known figures like AR Rahman speak publicly about feeling targeted, it pushes the broader anti-minority narrative that is often circulated about India. In many cases, the larger context gets lost. Is the person actually being targeted for their religion, or is there another reason behind it? When the feeling of communalism becomes dominant, fueled by media, politicians, global platforms, and society in general, every other explanation gets brushed aside.

This isn’t unique to India. The victimhood narrative is a global trend, especially in countries with strong free-speech cultures, where organised groups know how to shape public opinion.

The victimhood narrative also pops up when a government is pushed into taking strict action against extremist activities. This creates a cycle where narratives overshadow facts, and public perception becomes the real battleground.

Research conducted by Jeanne Knutson in 1981 allowed her to argue that victimization remains the motivating force behind much political violence in the contemporary world.

Victimization is defined as a personally experienced injustice, which the victim recognizes to be unnecessary (or unjust), and which creates a basic fear of annihilation. Discrete events that may cause victimization and have the strength to change the victim’s perception of the world can cause them to defend themselves or their group in order to reduce the chances of experiencing secondary victimization against the self, family, community, or all three.

Since a majority of terrorist activity will involve some form of victimization, we recognize a vicious cycle where terrorism and victimization breed and feed into one another.

Education

Though many people argue that better education would prevent radicalisation, events like the 2025 Delhi terror attack show that even well-educated individuals can be drawn into violent ideologies.

In November 2025, a car explosion near the Red Fort in Delhi was treated by Indian authorities as a terrorist incident after it killed and injured several people, and investigations linked it to suspects with professional backgrounds. This shows that no level of formal education alone can make someone immune to extremist beliefs.

The author emphasizes this point:

With regard to their educational background, findings suggest that the majority of participants have received some formal education, with 38.5% holding bachelor’s degrees and 23.1% having received high school diplomas. Most participants were reported to have been married (46.2%), while 38.5% admitted to being single and 7.7% divorced.

People across varying socioeconomic statuses, levels of education, cultures, and nationalities can be influenced by radical ideology. In fact, it is noted that many individuals within well-known Middle Eastern terrorist groups, such as Al Qaeda and the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS), come from middle-to-high-income families and possess high levels of education. Often, these individuals have specializations in aeronautical engineering, chemistry, and information technology; skills that are used to meet specific goals of the organization, particularly with planning violent attacks.

In matters of extremism, religious influence can outweigh education and even personal relationships.

One clear-cut example of psychopathic traits in a terrorist is illustrated in Nezar Hindawi, a Jordanian terrorist who, upon sending his pregnant girlfriend on a flight to Israel, had a bomb planted in her luggage, unknown to her. This terrorist clearly demonstrates psychopathy in that he was willing to sacrifice his girlfriend and his unborn child, with callousness, and no sense of remorse in doing so.

Blaming External Factors

When terror attacks take place, supporters of the violence often shift the blame to the victims by claiming they somehow enabled the situation. We’ve seen this in debates where writers like Arundhati Roy framed the Mumbai attacks as a reaction to the situation in Kashmir, or where the October 7 Hamas attacks were described by some as a response to the suffering of Palestinians. This was seen even after the recent Pahalgam attacks. Yet the same reasoning is rarely applied when discussing the persecution of Kashmiri Hindus or minorities in Bangladesh and Pakistan. Despite these groups never resorting to violence, their experiences are still dismissed or minimised by people who otherwise speak strongly about human rights.

This selective empathy reflects a broader human tendency. We often assign positive motives to the actions of our own group and negative motives to others. For example, if someone from our social circle fails to contribute to a donation, we might assume they have a genuine reason. But if an outsider does the same, we’re more likely to label them as selfish or uncaring.

The psychopathic terrorist will make “you statements,” thereby accusing his opponent of being involved with criminal and/or terrorist-related activities. He is likely to see himself as the victim rather than the perpetrator. He is likely to make statements such as “I am not the terrorist. You are the one causing terror. You are the reason for all this destruction.”

In such an instance, he is essentially blaming his opponents for his own destructive behavior. If involved with a religious or political terror group, he may use their ideologies to blame oppositional religious or political groups for the destruction from their own violent attacks.

In most of the research, fundamental “terrorists generally do not regard themselves as terrorists but rather as soldiers, liberators, martyrs, and legitimate fighters for noble social causes. Those terrorists who recognize that their actions are terroristic are so committed to their cause that they do not really care how they are viewed in the outside world. Others may be just as committed but loathe to be identified as terrorists as opposed to freedom fighters or national liberators” (The Psychology of the Terrorist, n.d.).

Stockholm Syndrome

According to the author, feelings similar to Stockholm Syndrome are quite common during hostage situations involving terror groups.

While the psychopathic terrorist holds no concern for his hostages, it is possible that he may display a charming persona toward them. Assessing for Stockholm syndrome is vital, especially if the crisis is drawn out for a long period of time, as it could increase the chances of hostages experiencing feelings of affection and trust for the terrorist. If hostages develop positive feelings toward the psychopathic terrorist, this can be dangerous and can interfere with the successful capture of the terrorist, as hostages with Stockholm syndrome may work with or even risk their own lives to help the terrorist.

Religious Angle

The religious angle remains one of the strongest factors behind many modern terror attacks. This pattern isn’t limited to any single faith or community.

“It is certainly true that many horrible things have been done under the cover of religion—the inquisition springs to mind along with Islamic terrorism and the Catholic–Protestant wars that have raged and influenced European and American politics for centuries” (Desai, 2013; see also Valencia et al., 2011).

Dulles (2002) further observes that Christianity has had more than a fair share of religious tensions in human history. Christians have persecuted Jews and fought wars against Muslims, within Christianity; there have been internecine wars, especially between Roman Catholic and Protestants, but sometimes with Eastern orthodox. Influenced by these postulations, casual observers accept as fact, even in western culture, that religion is the worst culprit of the global terrorist attacks (Okoro, 2008)

These characteristics may be illustrated in the followers of many religious groups having the sense of a messianic or apocalyptic dream in their political vision, which comprises the thought of political dominance of a state (or the world) through its association. Believers of these groups take the dream of future prominence gravely, where power and control compensate for their present deprivations.

Methods of Countering Radicalization and Prevention

There are methods to counter radicalisation within communities. In India, these efforts are often difficult to put into practice because they face immediate pushback in the name of persecution or discrimination, a narrative that can easily gain momentum in India and abroad through media and political voices. Still, there’s a lot India can learn from places like Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, and the UAE, where structured deradicalisation programs have shown promising results.

When national security is at stake, the focus needs to stay on addressing the issue rather than endlessly worrying about political correctness.

This approach was utilized by the Saudi Arabian government as part of a multipronged terrorist deradicalization program. By having clerics of the Islamic faith engage in an in-depth discussion of the Islamic text versus misinterpretations used by terrorist organizations, these facilitators served as mentors and built strong relationships with those in the program. In doing so, the Saudi Arabian government claims to have a success rate of 80–90% within their participants, with low recidivism (Bouchek, 2008).

As part of their multipronged approach, the Saudi Arabian deradicalization program utilized family members of the terrorist to help with the reintegration process. In doing so, the program was highly eective in changing the ideology of a large portion of the participants in their program (Bouchek, 2008). If the individual feels a need for belongingness with his family and community, he is unlikely to rejoin his terrorist group.

The process of deradicalization is only one aspect of counter-terrorism, and if utilized in insolation it will likely result in partial success. Family members and the community must be involved in creating positive change for the detainee.

These are some of the reasons why many Gulf countries see fewer terror attacks and remain relatively safe. They have systems in place to identify and address extremist ideas right at the root.

There are two measures mentioned in the book that I do not necessarily agree with:

Another aspect of the deradicalization process involves improving the quality of life for the terrorist. Quite often individuals become a part of terrorist organizations as a result of external factors, such as difficult socioeconomic conditions, as well as internal factors, including low levels of self-efficacy and self-esteem and challenges gaining control of their lives. Therefore, this aspect seeks to reduce potential economic barriers by providing educational opportunities, vocational training, and job placement. By being provided the opportunity to be a contributing member of society, the terrorist will experience an increase in self-worth and self-esteem. Terrorists can also be helpful in deradicalization efforts and researching the effectiveness of rehabilitation programs for other terrorists. This process allows released terrorists to reintegrate back into society.

In addition, the state must be able to provide incentive as positive reinforcement in keeping the terrorist away from the terrorist group. These incentives can come in the form of housing, monetary income, or education or through providing employment opportunities.

Improving someone’s quality of life doesn’t always work when their mindset is already deeply radicalised. Many individuals involved in extremist activity may have a stable education and enough resources to take care of themselves, so their motivations can be more ideological or political than economic.

Better living conditions might help people who aren’t fully radicalised and who take part in lower-level acts, like stone pelting, mainly for quick financial gain, but it doesn’t address those who are already committed to an extremist worldview.

I also don’t fully agree with the idea of using financial incentives as a solution. India has seen examples where offering money or support to separatist figures like Yasin Malik didn’t lead to moderation. Reports over the years have suggested that leaders who were expected to act as mediators continued to support extremist ideas despite the assistance they received. This shows that financial rewards alone cannot shift someone who is already strongly influenced by radical beliefs.

What does work, and what India needs more of, is a strong prevention-first approach. Violent extremism should be tackled early through families and local communities. Prevention programs in schools, workplaces, and community centres, along with clear public awareness campaigns, can make a real difference. These efforts help build resilience at the grassroots level before harmful ideas take root.

Media Exposure

The media has been both a boon and a bane. On the one hand, it keeps the public informed when terror attacks take place. On the other hand, incorrect or sensational reporting has sometimes ended up becoming a useful tool for terrorists.

Media exposure is a goal of many terrorist groups. Attracting the audience’s attention is important to terrorist groups who value the media as they offer a direct outlet for them to attract this attention and get their message across, for free.

In India, we often see extremist actions being described as “mental health issues” to prevent lone attackers from gaining attention or becoming examples for others. But this approach can have the opposite effect. When members of a group feel their actions aren’t being acknowledged, some may escalate to more violent methods in an attempt to get their message noticed.

Though there have been efforts made by the media to censor certain people or organizations that carry out terrorism in hopes of prevention, this may in fact act to further exasperate the situation and cause unheard of or suppressed terrorists to become even more violent and attract the attention they desire.

Some argue that the media has played a huge role in the spread of Islamophobia. To the dismay of many, the media also “protects” individuals who are terrorists, by portraying them in a way that defends their acts of terrorism—for example, by attributing their motivations to mental health issues even though this may be inaccurate.

How Terror Groups Look for Recruits

In the age of social media and constant online access, it has become very easy for terror groups to look for potential recruits on the internet.

The comments sections on websites covering terrorism news reveal a divided world and provide easy access for terrorist groups to leverage their resources to mobilize more support for their cause by spreading propaganda and receiving funds. Terrorist group manifestos are easily available online for the public to access. Terrorist groups have websites that provide information in detail about their cause and how to become a member.

Terrorist groups have Twitter accounts (Murgia, 2017), post videos on YouTube, and have an active social media presence. The millions and billions of accounts present on social media websites provide a huge pool of potential “candidates” for terrorists to recruit.

People who have faced inequality, discrimination or long-term social injustices often become the most vulnerable to radical ideas. When someone feels marginalised or unheard, it’s easier for them to be drawn toward groups that promise protection, identity or a sense of belonging.

Recruiters usually look for individuals who lack strong family support, are dealing with financial stress or are searching for acceptance. These situations make a person more likely to absorb extremist ideas without fully thinking through the harm such ideologies can cause.

Cognitive Dissonance

We also see cognitive dissonance among terror sympathizers. Research shows that while many people may agree with or support a group’s ideology from a distance, most are not willing to actually engage in violence. When someone believes in an idea that promotes violence but also believes that harming others is wrong, the clash creates an internal conflict. This is what we call cognitive dissonance. In simple terms, it’s the uncomfortable, anxious feeling a person gets when they hold two opposing beliefs at the same time.

Conclusion

Understanding terrorism isn’t just about looking at the violence itself. It’s about recognising the layers beneath it, the personal struggles, community influences, political narratives, and global patterns that shape how people think and act.

Psychology of Terrorists highlights how complex these motivations can be, and looking at them through the Indian context makes the picture even more layered.

If there’s one takeaway, it’s that radicalisation doesn’t grow overnight. It grows in silence, in neglected corners of society, in unchecked narratives, and in environments where fear or resentment is allowed to spread. Countering it needs awareness at home, in schools, in communities, and in the way we talk about these issues in public. Prevention, more than punishment, is what actually helps.

The topic is uncomfortable, but it’s necessary. Only by understanding how radicalisation works can we build stronger, safer communities and ensure that extremist ideas find less space to grow.

Book Review: “A House Without Windows” by Nadia Hashimi

Afghan women walking in front of a blue building image

I just finished A House Without Windows by Afghan-American writer Nadia Hashimi. These days, I gravitate more toward non-fiction and find it more engaging. Still, I’m not ready to give up fiction entirely. A House Without Windows was my fiction pick of the month.

What’s It About?

The story begins with a murder in an Afghan home. A woman, Zeba, is accused of killing her husband and is detained, with almost no chance of survival under Afghanistan’s strict laws for women in such cases. An Afghan-American lawyer, Yusuf, arrives in the country to connect with his roots, stumbles upon her case, and decides to defend her.

Thoughts

I really enjoyed the storyline, though I found the narration slow and somewhat predictable. What stood out most was how Nadia Hashimi portrayed the Afghan-American lawyer’s struggle to balance two cultures in America. This is a story familiar to many migrants. They want to embrace the new, yet can’t fully let go of their roots.

When Yusuf starts dating, everything boils down to one question: Will she bond well with my mother? That’s such a desi trait: wanting your partner to get along with your parents, and if there’s friction, it’s often the partner who pays the price. I also liked the part where he decides to travel to Afghanistan to reconnect with his roots, eventually making peace with the country’s imperfections, because where there’s love, hate doesn’t stand a chance.

The storyline is unique, with a blend of mystique, magic, and sacrifice. I wouldn’t say I strongly recommend the book, as I personally found it slow. However, what’s slow for me might be perfectly paced for someone else.

Ending this post with some quotable quotes from the book:

Alone and free of angst and sorrow
I’ve bled enough for today and tomorrow
Now it is time for my bud to bloom
I’m a sparrow in love with solitude
All my secrets contained within me
I sing aloud—I’m alone, finally!

SHE DID NOT REGRET THE CHILDREN, BUT AT TIMES SHE DID resent them. All mothers did, didn’t they? How could they not bear a little resentment toward people who took took took all the time? How could she be expected to feed them all? Where was Kamal when they were sick or tired or unreasonable?

Medicine is what this man calls his liquor
Strange is the remedy that only makes him sicker.

“And women?” she asked thoughtfully. “What is the world to us?”
Gulnaz offered a meek smile. “Do you not know, my daughter? Our world is the spaces between the rocks and meat. We see the face that should but doesn’t smile, the sliver of sun between dead tree branches. Time passes differently through a woman’s body. We are haunted by all the hours of yesterday and teased by a few moments of tomorrow. That is how we live—torn between what has already happened and what is yet to come.”

People only say nice things about the dead, so you never know what the truth is. You can be a brute in life, but the moment you die, all is forgiven. It used to make me mad, but now that I’m old and know what people say about me, I’m glad for it.

Men were always so frightened by their mortality that they obsessed over ways to live forever: sons to carry on their work, grandsons to carry on their name, their legacies in books, on streets, or in newspapers. Some became more desperate as their black hairs turned silver.

***

Photo by Wasim Mirzaie

Book Review: Convenience Store Woman

The protagonist of Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata is unlike anyone I’ve encountered in any book. Keiko is quietly charming, yet deeply unconventional. She’s content with her simple routine at a convenience store, a place she has worked for over 18 years. This does not gel well with people around her who expect her to climb the career ladder, or “at least get married”, instead of sticking to this “lowly” job. They are unable to comprehend her happiness or her emotional detachment in situations where strong feelings are typically expected. In her own words, she’s a “foreign object.”

There are parts of Keiko’s personality I could relate to, especially her tendency to operate more from the brain than the heart. I’ve often questioned this trait in myself, particularly in political matters, where I naturally lean toward a calculated, strategic view rather than reacting emotionally. This sometimes makes people see me as cold. But that’s where my similarities with Keiko end.

I tend to get deeply emotional about things that may not always move others in the same way. My responses aren’t absent, like Keiko’s. I cry easily when I see children being affectionate with their parents or when animals are hurt. I feel emotional and distraught when I see small children picking up guns or stones in conflict zones. I want them to study and grow up contributing to society in peaceful ways. I well up seeing warmth in society. For example, when the visually impaired children sang “Happy Birthday” to our Indian President Murmu, she cried, I cried, we all cried. I’m also deeply moved by the struggles of elderly people, perhaps because I’ve spent time with them and seen what many others, especially those living far from their parents, often overlook. I do feel deeply, just not always in ways others expect, a bit like Keiko.

If you are wondering what makes Keiko strange, this snippet from the book gives an idea:

I wouldn’t say I loved Convenience Store Woman, but it was certainly thought-provoking, especially how society treats you as a “foreign object” that needs to be discarded if you don’t follow the rules. Society insists Keiko must adapt to its norms to be seen as “normal.” It does not matter to them how fulfilled or happy she is. Keiko’s struggle to meet societal expectations forms the core of the novel. Many of us might relate to this struggle with conformity. Not everyone is wired to follow every rule or expectation to the letter.

Ending this post with some thought-provoking quotes from the book:

The normal world has no room for exceptions and always quietly eliminates foreign objects. Anyone who is lacking is disposed of.

He seemed to have this odd circuitry in his mind that allowed him to see himself only as the victim and never the perpetrator l thought as I watched him.

It occurred to me that it wasn’t such a stretch to say that contemporary society was still stuck in the Stone Age after all. So the manual for life already existed. It was just that it was already ingrained in everyone’s heads, and there wasn’t any need to put it in writing. The specific form of what is considered an “ordinary person” had been there all along, unchanged since prehistoric times I finally realized.

“Look, anyone who doesn’t fit in with the village loses any right to privacy. They’ll trample all over you as they please. You either get married and have kids or go hunting and earn money, and anyone who doesn’t contribute to the village in one of these forms is a heretic.”

***

Photo by Caio

7 Memorable Quotes from The Love Queen of Malabar

The Love Queen of Malabar is a captivating exploration of the life of Kamala Das, also known as Kamala Surayya, one of India’s most celebrated poets. Written by Merrily Weisbord, the book is thought-provoking, highly controversial, poetic, melancholic, and at times, shocking.

Kamala Das shares her deepest emotions with Merrily, treating her as a confidante in revealing thoughts that range from lyrical to unexpected. While the book may not appeal to everyone, it left a lasting impression on me—an eye-opener that offered a rare glimpse into the intimate world of a literary icon.

I have carefully selected some non-controversial quotes from the book. Not everything Kamala says can be shared publicly due to its sensitive nature. However, the quotes listed here provide insight into Kamala’s thoughtful persona and capture the essence of Merrily’s book.

“A writer moves away from family, old relationships, very far with the speed of a falling star,” she says. “Otherwise the writer is destroyed, and only the member of the family remains: the mother, sister, daughter, wife. The writer at some point must ask, Do I want to be a well-loved member of the family? Or do I want to be a good writer? You can’t be both at the same time. The days when you are with the children and are being a very good mother, you cease to be the writer. You feel repelled by the pen and the paper, which are definitely going to come between you and your loved ones.”

“Because the writer can give all of herself only to that task of writing. She will have to write against her loved one, put him under the microscope, dissect him, analyze his thoughts, his words. After a while he is no longer the man you held in your arms at night. You have cut him into little slivers, everything is burst open, he is seeds and pulp and juice all spread out in little bits on your writer’s table. After that, you can’t go to his arms the same way.”

If I had not learned to write how would I have written away my loneliness or grief? Garnering them within my heart would have grown heavy as a vault, one that only death might open, a release then I would not be able to feel or sense.

“Ask the books that I read why I changed,” she says. “Ask the authors dead and alive who communicated with me and gave me the courage to be myself.”

“Make a woman laugh, then make her cry, that is the secret of a good film. Not make her cry, cry, cry. What message is that for women today?”

Her dislike of organized religion is so much more pronounced than on my last visit that I wonder if any beliefs remain to comfort her. “Yes,” she answers. “A concept of God. A presence in my room. I’m not alone. I visualize a shower of moonlight falling on someone in prayer. It is a soothing exercise. I feel bathed in light, and I know there is a God.”

She tells me that even in Kerala, which prides itself on religious coexistence, she is still being attacked from both sides. The Hindu Sangh Parivar, an association of Hindu nationalist organizations, protests her ownership of the snake shrine on her own ancestral property at Nalapat because she is a Muslim. The Muslims are “disgusted” with her because she speaks against their practices and clergy, refusing to support sectarian politics she finds unpalatable. “They feel they are losing their grip on me.”

An Ode to 26 Thought-Provoking Life Quotes from Fredrik Backman’s Anxious People

I recently completed Fredrik Backman’s Anxious People. The book is about a failed bank robbery that turns into a hostage situation during an open-house apartment viewing. The story unfolds as a group of diverse characters, each with their own personal struggles and secrets, are brought together in an unexpected and tense situation.

“Anxious People” includes dollops of humor and empathy. Backman delves into the complexities of human emotions, vulnerabilities, and how human connection and shared experiences can bind even the most distinct characters. Ultimately, humanity and kindness win.

Fredrik Backman has a knack for words. His quotes in Beartown were a class apart and remain one of the most popular pages on this blog. His writing in Anxious People is no different. In no time, he captures your heart with his words to describe emotions that are generally not easy to translate into words.

Here are some of my most favorite quotes from the book:

This story is about a lot of things, but mostly about idiots. So it needs saying from the outset that it’s always very easy to declare that other people are idiots, but only if you forget how idiotically difficult being human is.

Our hearts are bars of soap that we keep losing hold of; the moment we relax, they drift off and fall in love and get broken, all in the wink of an eye. We’re not in control.

He presses his thumbs hard against his eyebrows, as if he hopes they’re two buttons and if he keeps them pressed at the same time for ten seconds he’ll be able to restore life to its factory settings.

Because you’ve probably been depressed yourself, you’ve had days when you’ve been in terrible pain in places that don’t show up in X-rays, when you can’t find the words to explain it even to the people who love you.

At the end of your career you’re trying to find a point to it all, and at the start of it you’re looking for a purpose.

Older men rarely know what to say to younger men to let them know that they care. It’s so hard to find the words when all you really want to say is: ‘I can see you’re hurting.’

‘Do you know what the worst thing about being a parent is? That you’re always judged by your worst moments. You can do a million things right, but if you do one single thing wrong you’re for ever that parent who was checking his phone in the park when your child was hit in the head by a swing. We don’t take our eyes off them for days at a time, but then you read just one text message and it’s as if all your best moments never happened. No one goes to see a psychologist to talk about all the times they weren’t hit in the head by a swing as a child. Parents are defined by their mistakes.’

She said you can’t protect your kids from life, because life gets us all in the end.

That’s an impossible thing for sons to grasp, and a source of shame for fathers to have to admit: that we don’t want our children to pursue their own dreams or walk in our footsteps. We want to walk in their footsteps while they pursue our dreams.

There was a time when a bank was a bank. But now there are evidently ‘cashless’ banks, banks without any money, which is surely something of a travesty? It’s hardly surprising that people get confused and society is going to the dogs when it’s full of caffeine-free coffee, gluten-free bread, alcohol-free beer.

We give those we love nicknames, because love requires a word that belongs to us alone.

Good grief, no one could cope with being newly infatuated, year after year. When you’re infatuated you can’t think about anything else, you forget about your friends, your work, your lunch. If we were infatuated all the time we’d starve to death. And being in love means being infatuated … from time to time. You have to be sensible.

The problem is that everything is relative, happiness is based on expectations, and we have the Internet now. A whole world constantly asking us: ‘But is your life as perfect as this? Well? How about now? Is it as perfect as this? If it isn’t, change it!’

The worst thing a divorce does to a person isn’t that it makes all the time you devoted to the relationship feel wasted, but that it steals all the plans you had for the future.

‘And … winners earn a lot of money, which is also important, I assume? What do you do with yours?’

‘I buy distance from other people.’

The psychologist had never heard that response before. ‘How do you mean?’

‘Expensive restaurants have bigger gaps between the tables. First class on aeroplanes has no middle seats. Exclusive hotels have separate entrances for guests staying in suites. The most expensive thing you can buy in the most densely populated places on the planet is distance.’

You can always tell by the way people who love each other argue: the longer they’ve been together, the fewer words they need to start a fight.

When you’re a child you long to be an adult and decide everything for yourself, but when you’re an adult you realize that’s the worst part of it.

We can’t change the world, and a lot of the time we can’t even change people. No more than one bit at a time. So we do what we can to help whenever we get the chance, sweetheart. We save those we can.

We do our best. Then we try to find a way to convince ourselves that that will just have to … be enough. So we can live with our failures without drowning.

One of the most human things about anxiety is that we try to cure chaos with chaos. Someone who has got themselves into a catastrophic situation rarely retreats from it, we’re far more inclined to carry on even faster. We’ve created lives where we can watch other people crash into the wall but still hope that somehow we’re going to pass straight through it. The closer we get, the more confidently we believe that some unlikely solution is miraculously going to save us, while everyone watching us is just waiting for the crash.

Boats that stay in the harbour are safe, sweetheart, but that’s not what boats were built for.

Young people today. You’re so aware of how you affect your children. I heard a paediatrician say on television that a generation ago, parents used to come to him and say, “Our child’s wetting the bed, what’s wrong with him?” Now, a generation later, they come to him and say, “Our child’s wetting the bed, what’s wrong with us?” You take the blame for everything.

Nothing must happen to you

No, what am I saying

Everything must happen to you

And it must be wonderful

They say that a person’s personality is the sum of their experiences. But that isn’t true, at least not entirely, because if our past was all that defined us, we’d never be able to put up with ourselves. We need to be allowed to convince ourselves that we’re more than the mistakes we made yesterday. That we are all of our next choices, too, all of our tomorrows.

Perhaps it’s true what they say, that up to a certain age a child loves you unconditionally and uncontrollably for one simple reason: you’re theirs. Your parents and siblings can love you for the rest of your life, too, for precisely the same reason.

Not knowing is a good place to start.

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Picture Courtesy: cottonbro studio

Why You Should Read Non-Fiction

Recently, I came across a proficient Bollywood actress saying, “I don’t read non-fiction. My mind is fine as it is. I don’t need to learn anything more.” I was a bit taken aback by her statement. Not because she said she didn’t like non-fiction, which is entirely her personal choice, but by the fact that she thinks there’s nothing more to learn.

When we stop learning, we stop growing. I don’t think we ever reach a saturation point when it comes to knowledge. There’s always something new to study – be it from our own experiences or others. It’s impossible to learn everything by ourselves, which is where non-fiction comes in. Such books expand your horizons, even if they demand a certain amount of mental effort from us.

Not many enjoy non-fiction. It makes you feel like you are studying in contrast to a fictional book that offers a more relaxed, entertaining vibe. We have always associated non-fiction with our school textbooks. So it’s no surprise why many detest reading the genre. Personally, I find myself having to work my grey cells more when I am reading an autobiography or a self-help book. They require you to think and retrospect, which does not qualify for “easy reading.”

But to never read non-fiction, in my opinion, is a sin. You have some of the world’s best documenting their experiences and learnings on a subject of interest in the most compact form possible to help others who would otherwise have spent countless hours trying to learn the same. Why miss that golden opportunity?

Here are some reasons why you should consider reading non-fiction:

It allows you to learn from other people’s mistakes. The people who have written the books have more experience than us regarding certain subjects, so why not trust them? When you read through their mistakes, you get to learn what to avoid.

Some points stick. When you read non-fiction, you can be assured some valuable points will stick. You will end up discarding a lot of info that doesn’t align with your thought process. Still, you will unknowingly absorb valuable insights for future use. When the time comes, these tidbits will hover over in the background, helping you make the right decision. You might not remember which book you got the idea from, but the important thing is you retained the information for personal use. This can be very useful, be it at work, studies, or even personal day-to-day interactions.

They give you a new perspective. When I go through self-help books, I am almost always gifted with a new way of perceiving things, which I wouldn’t have if left to my own devices. The people around me are echo chambers, and we often hear the same viewpoints repeatedly. This is why people tell you to travel – so you get to experience different cultures, values, and insights. A more accessible, affordable option is to read non-fiction. It broadens your horizons, making you understand that yours is not the only way to live. There are many different kinds of people with different stories, unique experiences, and beliefs. Non-fiction helps you explore all of it in the comfort of your home.

I agree you can do all three by watching YouTube videos or listening to podcasts, but there’s only so much you can include in video and audio formats. In comparison, books are able to contain a lot more information. Plus, scanning or searching for info in a book is easier, especially if you own a Kindle.

So, do give non-fiction a chance by picking a topic of interest. You do not have to finish everything in one go. Try five pages, a chapter, or even one page instead. Each page you finish takes you that much closer to developing a new mindset.

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