Tag: loss

How Does It Feel to Lose a Parent?

How Does It Feel to Lose a Parent

Losses are an unavoidable part of life. You win over some people while you lose others. However, some losses, especially the death of a parent, are permanent and leave an aching scar. Nothing can truly prepare you for this. The experience is uniquely profound in the sense that we often take our parents for granted, assuming they will always be there. When death eventually rears its ugly head, it comes as a rude shock.

I lost my father several years ago. I still vividly remember the days leading to his death. He had started losing his memory and was facing hallucinations. The doctors we consulted were unable to treat his issue effectively. As someone who has seen her father as a proactive and energetic man most of her life, this transition was unbearable. The pain and suffering of my loved ones always scared me. You feel helpless, knowing nothing you do can make them feel better. You also feel helpless witnessing their own struggle to comfort themselves.

Distance ends up helping your mental health in such circumstances, but it also brings with it a terrible amount of guilt. Some children go abroad and feel guilty for not spending enough time with their parents. I stayed near my parents, yet the guilt remained. How can you perfectly cater to your own mental health, essential for managing daily work life, while caring for an ailing loved one? It is not easy. This is the most difficult stage for any family member acting as a caregiver. We simply do not know how to navigate the situation.

My father quietly passed away one day while we were in the midst of hiring professional help for his care. It had become emotionally taxing for my mother to take care of him alone, so we needed the extra support. I guess his leaving us was his way of saying, “Don’t worry too much about me. I’m going to a better place where all my needs will be taken care of.“

People often say that time heals the pain of losing a loved one. As someone who has lived with grief for several years, I can tell you it’s a lie. You never heal from a loved one’s death; you simply make peace with it. The sadness becomes a part of you, often camouflaging itself well within the depths of your soul, but it sometimes surfaces unexpectedly. When it does, you embrace it, sit with it until the moment passes, and then carry on with your life.

The sadness travels with you like a silent, understanding companion. It doesn’t demand your attention all the time, but it never leaves you. You don’t wish for it to leave you alone, either. In this digital, robotic world, when circumstances make me feel like I am devoid of sentiments, all I have to do is think of my father. As my eyes well up, I feel relieved knowing my soul still aches from his memory. It serves as a gentle reminder that I am still a living, breathing being, capable of experiencing deep, intense emotions.

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Picture Courtesy: Matthias Zomer

13 Thought-Provoking Quotes From Colleen Hoover’s It Ends With Us

Photo by Hernan Pauccara

I’ve read a couple of Colleen’s books before. I knew I was in for another treat when I picked “It Ends With Us” after reading a couple of positive reviews by fellow bloggers. In this book, the author’s personal perspective makes the story stand out among others. In her own words, “This was not entertainment for me. It was the most grueling thing I have ever written.” The despair is apparent in her characters – their anguish, suffering, and hopelessness. There were tears shed, not going to lie. It’s impossible not to. If you have ever lost a loved one, you would be able to relate to the agonizing emotions expressed so articulately in the book by Colleen. It Ends With Us is filled with introspective, profound quotes about life, love, and everything in between. Sharing a few of my favorites here.     

All humans make mistakes. What determines a person’s character aren’t the mistakes we make. It’s how we take those mistakes and turn them into lessons rather than excuses.

Life is a funny thing. We only get so many years to live it, so we have to do everything we can to make sure those years are as full as they can be. We shouldn’t waste time on things that might happen someday, or maybe even never.

Maybe love isn’t something that comes full circle. It just ebbs and flows, in and out, just like the people in our lives.

Imagine all the people you meet in your life. There are so many. They come in like waves, trickling in and out with the tide. Some waves are much bigger and make more of an impact than others. Sometimes the waves bring with them things from deep in the bottom of the sea and they leave those things tossed onto the shore. Imprints against the grains of sand that prove the waves had once been there, long after the tide recedes.

Sometimes even grown women need their mother’s comfort so we can just take a break from having to be strong all the time.

I think that’s one of the biggest signs a person has matured—knowing how to appreciate things that matter to others, even if they don’t matter very much to you.

Just because someone hurts you doesn’t mean you can simply stop loving them. It’s not a person’s actions that hurt the most. It’s the love. If there was no love attached to the action, the pain would be a little easier to bear.

If I had to compare this feeling (of separation) to something, I would compare it to death. Not just the death of anyone. The death of the one. The person who is closer to you than anyone else in the whole world. The one who, when you simply imagine their death, it makes your eyes tear up. It’s an astronomical amount of grief. An enormous amount of pain. It’s a sense that I’ve lost my best friend, my lover, my husband, my lifeline. But the difference between this feeling and death is the presence of another emotion that doesn’t necessarily follow in the event of an actual death. Hatred.

I feel like everyone fakes who they really are, when deep down we’re all equal amounts of screwed up. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.

I don’t think being a little guarded is a negative thing. Naked truths aren’t always pretty.

Sometimes you can’t control where your mind goes. You just have to train it not to go there anymore.

Sometimes the things that matter to you most are also the things that hurt you the most. And in order to get over that hurt, you have to sever all the extensions that keep you tethered to that pain.

Cycles exist because they are excruciating to break. It takes an astronomical amount of pain and courage to disrupt a familiar pattern. Sometimes it seems easier to just keep running in the same familiar circles, rather than facing the fear of jumping and possibly not landing on your feet.