Before we begin, I want to point out that the quotes posted here are from Portia MacIntosh’s book Your Place or Mine? Not the movie. The book is an entertaining, cute, light-hearted story of two accidental roommates who eventually become much more than they signed up for. It’s a heady mix of fun and frolic, entertaining twists, and relatable scenarios that are part and parcel of life. It might not be the best romantic tale out there, but it keeps you hooked.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:
Your wedding day is the most special day to ever occur… just like everyone else’s.
Watching a new movie is like rolling the dice, you don’t know if you’re going to love it or hate it, if you’re going to laugh or cry, if a dog is going to die and ruin the whole thing! So we reach for our old favourites for the comfort of the familiar, because you can always count on your favourite movies to make you feel better.
Grief is the cost of love. If you feel a lot of sadness to have lost someone, they must have given you a hell of a lot of love while they were alive. And I do love you, my darling. Never forget that. Until we meet again…
See, this is what happens when you get cocky, and you think everything is going your way. Life goes out of its way to laugh in your face, and show you just how bad things can be.
Sometimes I think that, when you’re going through a difficult time, you don’t realise just how tough things are while you’re going through them. It’s almost like you can’t think about it because, if you were to let yourself dwell on how unbearable things seem, the problems you were facing would seem impossible to overcome. But if you keep moving, you keep your head up and your eyes forward, you’ll be through it before you know it.
The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari needs no introduction. The book shares a treasure trove of ideas, concepts, and mental wellness gems we could do well to absorb. As the world progresses towards increased capitalism, we have forgotten to take care of our core emotional needs in the pursuit of fulfilling our materialistic ones. We have become workaholics with no work-life balance. Robin Sharma drills down the fact that work is important, but so is life. If you don’t take care of your health and happiness now, then when? Certainly not after you retire, the age your bank account is filled with money, but your energy becomes bankrupt.
Without further ado, here are some of my favorite thought-provoking quotes from the book. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did!
My dad said it best when he said, “John, on your deathbed you will never wish you spent more time at the office.”
To live life to the fullest, you must stand guard at the gate of your garden (mind) and let only the very best information enter.
There is no such thing as objective reality or ‘the real world.’ There are no absolutes. The face of your greatest enemy might be the face of my finest friend. An event that appears to be a tragedy to one might reveal the seeds of unlimited opportunity to another. What really separates people who are habitually upbeat and optimistic from those who are consistently miserable is how the circumstances of life are interpreted and processed.
From struggle comes strength. Even pain can be a wonderful teacher. Or to put it another way, how can you really know the joy of being on the summit of the mountain unless you have first visited the lowest valley.
Stop judging events as either positive or negative. Rather, simply experience them, celebrate them and learn from them.
The secret of happiness is simple: find out what you truly love to do and then direct all of your energy towards doing it. If you study the happiest, healthiest, most satisfied people of our world, you will see that each and every one of them has found their passion in life, and then spent their days pursuing it. This calling is almost always one that, in some way, serves others.
Saying that you don’t have time to improve your thoughts and your life is like saying you don’t have time to stop for gas because you are too busy driving. Eventually it will catch up with you.
Your self-image affects the way you feel, act and achieve. If your self-image tells you that you are too young to be a successful lawyer or too old to change your habits for the better, you never will achieve these goals. If your self-image tells you that lives rich with purpose, excellent health and happiness are only for people from backgrounds other than your own, this prophecy will ultimately become your reality.
There is nothing noble about being superior to some other person. True nobility lies in being superior to your former self.
Never get into the petty habit of measuring your self-worth against other people’s net worth.
Every second you spend thinking about someone else’s dreams you take time away from your own.
People who study others are wise but those who study themselves are enlightened.
The Chinese define image in these terms: there are three mirrors that form a person’s reflection; the first is how you see yourself, the second is how others see you and the third mirror reflects the truth. Know yourself. Know the truth.
My point is this: never do anything because you have to. The only reason to do something is because you want to and because you know it is the right thing for you to do.
Never be reluctant to ask even the most basic of questions. Questions are the most effective method of eliciting knowledge.
Happiness comes through good judgment, good judgment comes through experience, and experience comes through bad judgment.
The ten-minute period before you sleep and the ten-minute period after you wake up are profoundly influential on your subconscious mind. Only the most inspiring and serene thoughts should be programmed into your mind at those times.
Focus only on your priorities, those activities that are truly meaningful. Your life will be uncluttered, rewarding and exceptionally peaceful.
When spider webs unite, they tie up a lion.
This is the mantra I suggest you repeat at least thirty times a day: ‘I am more than I appear to be, all the world’s strength and power rests inside me.’ It will manifest profound changes in your life.
Few things are as meaningful as being a part of your children’s childhood. What is the point of climbing the steps of success if you have missed the first steps of your own kids? What good is owning the biggest house on your block if you have not taken the time to create a home? What is the use of being known across the country as a red-hot trial lawyer if your kids don’t even know their father?
Life doesn’t always give you what you ask for, but it always gives you what you need.
An addiction to distraction is the death of your creative production.
When you go after what you want, with love and wild abandon, you tap into the energy that created the stars and the seas. A kind of magic begins to enter your life and things happen that defy your comprehension. Signs start to appear, suggesting that you are on the right track.
Yes, make plans and set goals. Work hard and go for what you desire. That’s part of being a responsible person — it is true that setting intentions does make many of them come to life. But hold on to your plans and goals with a very loose grip. Often, the universe will send you a treasure in an unexpected package.
One of the most enduring of all the ancient laws of humanity is that we see the world not as it is, but as we are.
Too many potentially soaring lives are degraded and defeated by an attraction to busyness rather than a monomaniacal focus around what matters most.
No idea works for someone unwilling to do the work.
To have the results only 5 percent of the population have, do what 95 percent of society is unwilling to do.
If you do not know who you are and what it is you truly want to be, then how can you recognize and seize your destiny when it presents itself to you? Know yourself and your destiny will find you. Clarity precedes mastery.
Your wounds can be turned into your wisdom. Your stumbling blocks can become your stepping stones if you choose. Do not miss the remarkable opportunity that adversity and even tragedy presents. Your life can be made even better by the things that break your heart.
The more deeply we know ourselves, the more we can make authentic choices to make the leadership journey back home to the place that we have always known, at our core, we have wanted to be. In the Greco-Roman temples of the past, above the entrance one would often find the following words: “Know thyself and you will know the secrets of the universe and the gods.”
Once and for all stop being so hard on yourself. You are a human being and human beings have been designed to make mistakes. Coming to the realization that we all make mistakes and that they are essential to our growth and progress is liberating.
Life’s simplest pleasures are life’s best ones.
Saying things we don’t really mean becomes a habit when we practice it long enough. The real problem is that when you don’t keep your word, you lose credibility. When you lose credibility, you break the bonds of trust. And breaking the bonds of trust ultimately leads to a string of broken relationships. Say what you mean and mean what you say. This simple practice will have powerful results.
A problem only becomes a problem when seen as a problem.
We are often encouraged to venture out of our comfort zones, push our boundaries and limits, and embrace the unknown. People say that’s where the real growth happens. I concur. Subjecting ourselves to new experiences is a sure-shot way to fuel personal development. Having a routine in place may or may not be detrimental, depending on the kind of person you are. Some people crave a time-tabled life, whereas others need a change every minute of the day.
We often try to stretch our comfort zones by altering our lives, such as starting a new job, relocating, trying novel exercises, or exploring new locations. These are primarily physical adjustments — you cajole your body into taking up these unaccustomed, exciting external goals to nourish your soul. But what about internal comfort zones? Are we open-minded enough to set aside the prejudices we have collected subconsciously over the years?
Mental transformation is unarguably more challenging than physical. Any change starts with the mind, even the physical. Encouraging yourself to expand your corporeal boundaries is often more fruitful than attempting to alter your thought process. It takes determination to discard years of conditioning, escape the chains of our preconceived notions, and declare, “Okay, I see and acknowledge this new way of living, even if it’s unfamiliar territory.” Personally, I find such people incredibly attractive. Their willingness to listen is commendable and praise-worthy. Yet, we don’t see it happen much.
Why are some people more flexible than others when it comes to accepting new ideas and ways of life, welcoming them wholeheartedly as if they were privy to this knowledge all along?
I would like to highlight one sector in particular to make my point: the Hindi movie industry. It is intriguing to observe how professionals evolve to keep up with the changing times. In the Indian series Gulmohar, an effervescent Sharmila Tagore, a senior citizen, plays a character that most in her cohort would have found blasphemous. Similarly, the iconic Madhuri Dixit portrays a determined mother in Maja Ma, traditional in some facets yet unconventional in others. A role many of her peers would have been unwilling to take on. Among the male actors, we have the young multifaceted Ayushmann Khurrana, renowned for taking up any daring character that comes his way. We have actors and actresses across age groups willing to change with the times. But these are just the minority. Most are reluctant to play characters who belong to the LGBTQIA+ community. Ranbir Kapoor, who’s within my age demographic, admitted in an interview a while back, during Shamshera‘s promotions, that he’s not brave enough to take up such roles.
Moving out of our emotional comfort zones is not age-dependent, as you can see. It requires a willingness to listen, understand, and acknowledge.
It is common to find friends and relatives who struggle to accept new ways of the world with its pressing issues simply because they find them unrelatable. They deny support despite knowing our backing may prove meaningful or pertinent to the intended group.
The most humane thing one can do is listen to the experiences and feelings of others and try to see things from their perspective without being judgmental. To sit with others’ thoughts for a while takes courage.
Sexuality is only one example. This rigidity in perceptions can be observed in a variety of scenarios. Conservatives look down upon women who wear clothes they consider vulgar. Feminists are thrashed because they are non-conformists. Men who display their emotions openly are often criticized by their peers and seen as inadequate to cope with daily tasks. Husbands who love PDA are called “hen-pecked.” We just have to take a look around to see the plethora of preconceived notions everyone, including you and I, are harboring.
The morality or behavioral police who preach righteousness are often people who have achieved much professional success in their respective fields by taking risks and boldly venturing beyond the boundaries of their concisely defined comfort zones. However, many refuse to embrace new lifestyles or cultural norms that challenge their convictions and emotional comfort. It is ironic to see them share inspirational videos about exceeding boundaries on social media when they themselves are not entirely free from the clutches of their comfort zones.
Sometimes it’s difficult to move away from what we have accepted so far as it’s an emotional state that we don’t want to let go of. Humans love their comfort zones — whether they be emotional or physical. An object at rest wants to continue being at rest. This theory is not just applicable physically but mentally as well. The discomfort of new fights, marches, debates, terminologies, laws, thoughts, and social media agitations build up our rage and make us criticize how the world is over-sensitive nowadays. Things are changing way too fast, and we can’t seem to keep up. It is overwhelmingly complex, and understandably so.
But whoever said we should accept the new all at once? Take it one at a time. Baby steps. Sit with the new, try to detach from the old, get acquainted with unfamiliar thoughts, ask questions (but kindly), and ruminate for a while. Give yourself time, as you deserve kindness too, to slowly break away from things you have treated as “home” until now.
But accept we should, if not immediately, maybe sometime in the future. To be a kinder person, less judgmental, and empathetic — traits that highlight growth as well. Acknowledging that change is a constant part of life and adapting to new ideas, beliefs, and perspectives is essential to becoming a well-rounded individual.
Shouldn’t we make a concerted effort to step outside our familiar settings, both in terms of our mindset and physical actions? Something to ponder as we continue to navigate the ever-changing world around us.
Recently, I came across a video that provided an interesting perspective on anger. It featured Dr. Gabor Maté, a Hungarian-Canadian physician, providing key insights on healthy and unhealthy anger. The doctor himself had experienced a transformation that changed his outlook toward rage, and he uses this knowledge to help us understand the differences between constructive and destructive anger.
To quote him:
“If I were to infringe on your boundaries, either physically or emotionally, the healthy response for you is to mount an anger response,” No, get out, stay away.” That’s healthy. Healthy anger is in the moment. It protects your boundaries, and then it’s gone. It’s not necessary anymore. However, if you could not express it, it doesn’t disappear. It gets suppressed.”
In other words, he says healthy anger helps draw boundaries. Once you express your anger constructively or healthily, you step back. The incident ends there. It does no harm to the other but protects you from damage. However, this type is often misconstrued. People who go through this type of anger are often subjected to dialogues like “you are too sensitive” and “you are overthinking.” A form of gaslighting takes place to downplay the situation. When you are unable to express your anger constructively, or you were discouraged from doing so in your childhood, your feelings can become suppressed, potentially leading to you expressing your anger in a destructive manner later in life.
Here’s another interesting anecdote that he shared in his video, which goes against the typical “punch the pillow when you’re angry” technique:
“Just as healthy anger expresses itself, does its job, and then it’s gone, rage the more it explodes, the bigger it gets. That’s what happens to me. It doesn’t pass through me. Sorry no. I’ve worked with certain therapists who’ve said punch a pillow, express the rage, let it just pass through you like the wind. But that isn’t, in fact, what happens with me. And I know I’m not the only one. It actually magnifies and intensifies and extends this feeling because it recruits more brain circuits into its service.”
In short, he states that the more you indulge your anger without regulation, the more unmanageable it can become, unlike constructive anger.
The unhealthy kind is volatile. A person who goes through it cannot control himself or his words and expects us to sail through it. I have heard family members of people with unpredictable temperaments say with conviction, “That’s his only flaw. His partner will have to adjust to his anger.” “When she’s angry, step away.” This type of anger, which causes the most harm, is justified by the person and their family. Volatile people often blame the other person involved in the argument for “provoking” their anger. They use the same defense time and again to validate their own misdeeds. The worst thing I have heard such people say is, “But I cool down soon after I get angry, so it is not that bad.” This means they have no intention of correcting themselves, and it is a problem the people around them have to deal with. I am of the thought that unhealthy anger is the reason for most bad marriages. Even if only one partner struggles with anger management issues, it can still damage the relationship’s progression.
The ode here goes to “healthy anger.” Being nice all the time can earn you a lot of friends. However, it does not serve you well. Healthy anger helps you get out of a harmful situation, end bad marriages, friendships, or relationships, and confront anyone mistreating you. It enables you to take a stand. When you take this defense mechanism out of your life, you risk being treated as a doormat.
My anger nowadays is mostly healthy, and it comes up when I am pushed around or disrespected. I used to feel unhealthy anger in my younger days. But that behavior taught me it only harms the household and relationships.
I have also been subjected to unhealthy anger from some of my ex-partners. That was when I realized the destructive power of anger. It can affect someone’s mental and emotional well-being to the point of no return. I believe those exposed to rage regularly should seek therapy to help them feel balanced again.
Dr. Gabor Maté goes on to discuss why experiencing rage, which does not imply acting it out, is the way to process the harmful emotion. You sit with yourself, understand why you feel the way you do, and work effectively towards resolving it constructively instead of letting it out on the other person. He admits that he faced challenges in his marriage and with his kids due to his rage. I found his honesty refreshing because I believe the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Most hate to admit their imperfections and get defensive about them.
Anger management is something we must all learn and practice. Knowing when to be angry, how to express it, and how to calm ourselves down before it gets out of hand is vital to successfully taking control of our anger. If you are someone with destructive anger issues, work on improving yourself with the help of a therapist for the happiness of your family, friends, and people around you. Do not indulge those inner demons thinking they are untameable. They can very much be brought under control. But it requires your active participation.
The Monkey Dilemma 