One thing I have noticed about Gen-Z in India is that they are unhinged. I am not sure if it is the same case with Gen-Z around the world, but the ones in India truly seem to be. And no, I am not talking about student protests or anything political. I am talking about something much more personal.
As a 40+ unmarried woman, I have found myself being stared at by boys in their 20s while I am simply out and about. And interestingly, it is not the older men who are doing it. It is the younger ones, making their best attempts to lock eyes with me.
Apparently, according to what I keep seeing on social media, this is becoming a thing. There seems to be growing interest among younger men in dating significantly older women. Maybe it is a genuine preference. Maybe it is a fantasy. Maybe it is simply curiosity. From what I have read, many of these relationships don’t necessarily translate into long-term commitments, but the fact that younger men seem increasingly comfortable making their interest obvious is interesting in itself.
This changing scenario has resulted in books and movies exploring age-gap romances where the woman is older, like The Idea of You, as well as One & Only. One thing I’ve realised is that my mind is still not fully adapted to the idea of an age-gap romance. So when the lead characters make out, my first reaction is always, “OMG! But he’s just a kid!” Even when he’s actually a full-blown adult.
Now, getting to personal experiences. Recently, I mentioned my age to a boy in his 20s who simply wouldn’t look away.
His response?
“Age is just a number.”
So, apparently, that’s where we are now. Of course, this does not apply to all, because society at large age-shames women and finds older women unsuitable for relationships. But there is another part of this that I find much more interesting.
There is a very common, and frankly somewhat misogynistic, term for women who date significantly younger men: cougar.
Almost everyone knows the word. It has become so mainstream that you will find it casually used in movies, television, social media and everyday conversations.
But did you know there is a term for older men who pursue much younger women too?
Manther.
It is nowhere near as well known. In fact, I would bet that many people reading this have never heard the word before.
And that, in itself, says something about how we view relationships between older and younger people.
We are generally much more comfortable with men dating women who are 20 or 30 years younger, or even more. We rarely question it. “Love has no age,” we say.
Popular culture has reflected this dynamic for decades, with stories where an older man falls in love with a much younger woman being treated as perfectly normal, romantic or even aspirational.
But reverse the genders and suddenly the conversation changes.
An older woman with a younger man becomes a “cougar.” Her age becomes the focus. Her motives are questioned. She can be ridiculed, sexualized or shamed in a way that the older man in the equivalent relationship often isn’t.
And that brings me to something I genuinely wonder about.
How many people would actually be comfortable watching a mainstream movie where an older woman falls in love with a man 20 or 30 years younger than her, and the story treats their relationship with the same seriousness and romantic legitimacy usually given to an older man and a younger woman?
Would we call it a love story?
Or would we call her a cougar?
Maybe the younger generation really is changing some of these attitudes. Maybe the increased visibility of age-gap dating is slowly making older women dating younger men less unusual.
Or maybe we are simply becoming more comfortable talking about something that has always existed.
Either way, I find it fascinating that a 20-something can look at a woman in her 40s, hear her age, shrug and say, “Age is just a number.”
Perhaps Gen-Z really is unhinged.
Or perhaps they are just less bothered by rules that previous generations took for granted.
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Photo by Ron Lach
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